My first serious quit attempt was at age 27. Part of the reason I failed was that I could not imagine reinventing myself as a sober person.
I got desperate at age 45, enough so that simply stopping the daily beating I was putting myself through was enough. I didn’t care what the future held, and I thought it would be bleak, gray, flat. I was wrong on all counts - my life today is better, richer, more exciting and fulfilling than I could imagine.
I was a hopeless alcoholic and I was able to get sober. I believe you can, too. Blessings on your house 
as you begin your journey.
Eff conscious self-sabotage! What is time? And you know that deep down more than anyone my friend, because you were born free and always have the potential to shine within you! It’s all in your mind… Do WHATEVER it takes to control your mind, and you’ll set yourself free! That means swallowing a lot of pride; seeing a health professional/psychologist/AA group; meditating; researching, searching, reading, watching, listening as much as you literally need and can; opening up honestly to others for your own sake; having courage and strength when you need yourself most: which is RIGHT HERE AND NOW!! not yesterday, nor tomorrow, nor soon or any other nonexistent scenario. Start by loving yourself!! I don’t know what sort of person you are, but say it infront of a mirror if you need to! You love yourself! And you need to love, accept, appreciate, trust and believe in yourself from here-on because you are a priceless f#cking star! A one-in-infinite chance spark of life! Feel your heart, your lungs, notice your awareness of your environment - they’re not for granted! Look up, there’s infinity out there, it just keeps going in a vast mysterious and amazing universe we’re so oblivious to… And look within you - all the complexity even just to move your fingers and act upon thinking… If you cut a rock in half, and that half in half again, and keep going, would there ever be an end? Nothing makes sense buddy, nor needs to, we just need to realise how much potential we actually have in us with enough love, commitment and openness! You are better!! You know better!! And with that seed planted, all it needs is committed watering and nurturing!! 
There’s nothing to fear, hate, blame - if you want a better you, you live it! And every single waking moment you’re trying, you’re teaching your brain that you CARE! And the more you care, the more you grow… Our brains rely on exposure and persistence to function and increase or decrease activity in certain areas. Think of all the things and ways to replace your problems! Like anything that needs fixing… Write notes to yourself, maybe consider positivity affirmations, and/or every aspect of your life to get there - diet, sleep, tidiness, organization, groups/clubs, family/friends/socializing, outdoors exposure, exercise/physical health, learning/progressing, hobbies, volunteering/helping, travelling… And at least be committed to yourself! What does life mean to you right now? What does happiness mean to you? Where are you going wrong? Why? What were or are all the causes? How can you fix them? Do you really love, accept, appreciate, respect and have faith in yourself my friend? How much do you care about fixing yourself up big time? Putting a smile on yours and others faces like when u were an innocent bright baby (which we all still are)?! What would your ideal self, life and future look like?! That’s what it really boils down to. For me, writing lots of notes, researching to the worlds end, thinking very consciously and deeply often, seeing and deliberately opening totally up to a psychologist, being part of this sobriety app community and many other little things combine to help me figure myself out! Nothing’s easy nor for granted, but it’s NOT what’s easiest, but what’s best if we really want to shine and be… Every single day is your chance, your struggle and your rewiring of your life! One day at a time! Don’t underestimate that, today IS tomorrow! One minute and tiny choice at a time! Growth takes time. But your life is 100% worth every bit! Don’t be affraid of weakness or failure: the journey is the destination!
