I (23F) have been with my partner (23M) for 4 1/2 years now. We have a child together and while pregnant I gained weight and my hormones caused my back to be covered in acne. I probably looked insane. I was horribly insecure but my partner was very loving the whole pregnancy. I lost most of the weight and the acne is gone and After having the baby our sex life was healthy but then a dry spell of almost a month happened. Ever since then I have felt out of rhythm with him. I started having problems with finding drops of semen or pee on the floor after he’d go steam up the shower in the mornings. I was more upset at the mess than him jerking off at first. Obviously I brought it up and he promised it wouldn’t happen again. It happened a few weeks later too. I got so upset I went to my mother’s house with our child for the whole day. He didn’t text me the whole time. I came home and we talked again and he promised again. It happened again. I told him I feel incredibly disrespected and disconnected from him but he’s not very good at communicating. He has gone several days without touching me and what feels like waiting for me to fall asleep first and it gives me crazy anxiety. I’m an open book about what my preferences are and what I like but he’s so secretive and won’t share what he’s into with me really. I have to ask for affection most of the time. He doesn’t plan dates or surprises. He doesn’t tell me he appreciates what I do at home for him and our baby. I don’t think he’s actually in love with me. I think he’s just afraid to start over so he’s making do. Am I just being insecure or is it valid?
I can’t obviously diagnose the issue, but I’d say that he has the potential for some sort of sex addiction combined with intimacy anorexia.
It may not be this at all so take what I offered with a grain of salt.
I hope that the both of you can find a safe space to discuss this and work together to heal.
You asked for advice, so I will share my thoughts, as I think there is a lot to unpack.
Everyone has different levels of sexual energy and how it is expressed. I believe that taking care of your own self in the shower is acceptable and not a disrespectful situation. Sometimes it is just stress relief, especially for a young person in their 20s.
I don’t think it is an either or situation. I think it is okay to want the simple solution sometimes of taking care of physical needs ourselves. I don’t believe it has to mean he doesn’t care for you or has some problem.
That said, it bothers you and you expressed that. Perhaps he feels shame. Perhaps he isn’t comfortable discussing his sexual needs. Idk. Is there a possibility to visit a therapist a few times together?
Relationships and intimacy wax and wane over time. Our needs change, what we like changes. This is all normal. Finding ways to be comfortable to discuss this together without blaming or shaming is for sure a challenge. But that is part of a healthy relationship and growing together.
I hear too you maybe are judging your self and body and attractivess and I understand that 
. It is a hard one I know. I hope you know in your heart that you are worthy and loveable and beautiful no matter what…baby fat, acne, whatever. You don’t need someone else to value you to be valuable or worthy. You are because you are a human. We all are. Being gentle kind and loving to your self 1st will help you to be the same to your partner. They may also be struggling with stuff…we all are. Finding the place where you can be honest with eachother and strong for yourselves can be healing.
Maybe give a therapist a try. We all can use a safe space to share sometimes. 
Sending much care and many hugs your way! 