At first I even thought there would be no big difference if I would quit smoking and drinking.
And now I am realizing that the effect comes slowly and adds up. And I would be a worse Version of myself if I would continue or struggle with being on and off.
For example smelling like cigarettes was always a struggle for me. I felt strange. Or whatever.
And of course quitting the big drugs is just 1 step. There are always things we can do better.
this is also super crazy. For example organize documents and stuff. Not prokrastinate. and so on
The good effects of sobriety definitely come slowly, at first they feel so good, healthy, sleeping well, working out, organising like you say! That feel good fades fast me though so everything becomes normal, like that’s my baseline. That’s the danger time as I think I’m “fixed” and can just have one or two, so important for me to remember conversations like this.
Hey there! I absolutely understand the anger that has come up. Its very normal to feel this way in early recovery. It feels like a shitty situation right now but there will be a time where gratitude steps in and ull begin to see how amazing life can be in recovery.
For example: I used to hate the fact that I was an addict, having to do all this work to stay clean and sober. Now… i am grateful that I am an addict in recovery bcuz i have found a new, much better way to live. I handle situations differently, i have a relationship with a HP that guides me every day, i have better relationships and better finances, better work performance etc.
It feels like a lot of work in the beginning but overtime it becomes 2nd nature. Amd u wont even miss the alcohol
It’s very normal for a lot of people. I missed it…. It was like losing a toxic lover or a toxic bestfriend. It was always there in good times, bad times, happy times, sad times but it was always stealing from me.
After a while I realized it wasn’t the escape or relief I was looking for. It was causing me the need to need to run harder and farther, and causing me way more anxiety than it was relieving. I finally realized I was chasing what it gave me in early adulthood….. something I can never get back.
I miss my early adulthood, I mourn a carefree time that has passed. I think even if it was alcohol free I’d still miss it though. I sure had a lot of fun then BUT I was playing a different game with a different deck of cards.
Yep, seemed to me it just wasn’t fair but it turned out I wasn’t being fair on myself treating my mind and body to daily abuse. 5 years down the line it still briefly crosses my mind from time to time but the consequences are too much of a price to pay for one moment of stupidity.
it reminds me that I can be thankful that I can stopp drugs. And appreciate that I found a way out. It might not be the perfect way. But it is a good way.
And I am thankful for this good way. Because otherwise I would have more problems I think.
I ask myself whats harder
Picking up a substance
Or
Not picking up a substance
Its a rough way to look at it but a example to make it simple is
Moderation…
is it easier to quit the substance?
or
to only use when this or that happens, or this or that time, or this or that day, or just going all out.
Then another way to look at it but back to harsh is..
Force yourself to stay sober
Or
Force yourself to pick up a substance
Then one for sobriety is
You do it for you
So if you need to
Have a method to the madness (also slightly flawed)
-when i first quit, i quit for my little family, for me
(the flaw) this got me sober a long time until i got comfortable and then i relapsed burst out with anger, mad at my wife for cutting me off while i had a 7month old child in the other room.
A few things i did learn at 22months sober
Do it for you
Get in a program of recovery to learn how to be human without a substance
Hell is right there waiting for us weather we deserve it or not
Even in hell i do not plan to pick up
By all means i will choose life
*edit > the only way to get through and out of hell is to stay alive by all means
I myself do understand your finds
As
I understand mine
Hell is right there waiting for us weather we deserve it or not- means to me, it is always a possibility in this life. I dont mean in a religous sence of hell as a place. I mean in a sober journey as my situation can always change weather i want it to or not
My life could change forever right now
And the only thing
I can control
Is the way i react to any situation i face
I cant even control getting home from work
I can trust i will
But trust and control are different
I believe i wont pick up in hell in a sence of a situation
I truly believe i will stay sober no matter what situation i am placed in
To thine own self be true
No1 needs to prove they will or will not, they must always be hounest with themselves in order to heal
