Your story sounds similar to mine in that I never really developed a issue with drinking until after my mom passed. Trust me, I’ve tried regulating it since and thus far I have failed every time.
There’s a certain level of denial we live in with this and I think it’s just the addict brain doing anything it can to get you to take that drink.
I like this 
I mean, I don’t like that, but I never thought of that way. Ya.
Thanks so much to everyone Who has answered my question. The answer IS pretty clear i just need to come around the idea.
It IS the first time i have tried stopped or control It( i ma 35yo).
Being a spaniard It is common to have people around drinking at any time, most if the time around food. Having so many people Who can have one or two glasses of wine and then swich to non alcoholic beverages really frustrated me…why cant i do the same? Why do i end Up embarrasing myself?
Anyway, thabks so much again
Because somewhere we crossed a line and our brain has changed by that?
I like the phrase about the cucumber and the pickle for that:
You can change a cucumber into a pickle, but you can’t change that pickle into a cucumber again.
I was ones that cucumber, now I am a pickle and live sober because of it.
Hi @Pantx89 welcome to the forum .You don’t have to be a daily drinker to be an alcoholic .alcoholics take the first drink and it sets off a phenomenon of craving in the brain (a chemical imbalance) that makes them consume more and more of it then comes the mental obsession and they no longer have the ability to stop, Then they reach blackout when they no longer have the ability to process the short term memory into the long term memory bank hence the word blackout . If a person needs to control something then they have a problem with it .people who don’t can take or leave it and will not excessively consume. hope this helps ,your in the right place .Search the tools for recovery threads on here and we will be here to support you. post when you have cravings and before you pick up the first drink if you don’t pick up the first you can’t get drunk .sending love and strength to you today 
If you need to ask this question, my answer is no.
The example is really impressive
Not mine, just read is somewhere but thank you 
The only thing I can think of is you have the capability to turn the faucet all the way on. Once you start to allow yourself to have a few, maybe one more won’t hurt. Then you get closer and closer and are back at square one. I assume your partner may be concerned. I’m an alcoholic and the thought of it makes me want think “oh I’m smart enough to control. I’ve quit before” and then the harmless drinking becomes hurtful drinking.
Alcohol slows your reaction, your reasoning skills and thinking. Alcohol slows your brain in general.
I don’t think it matters how much work you have put into a plan of how much you are “allowed” to have in a session and when and how… As soon as you have slow-brain that whole plan is just going to fail. It’s happened a million times before and it’ll happen a million times again if you let it
I once thought moderation was a good thing. Then I realized I had to admit I have a drinking problem. Therefore I can never drink again because I can not just have one drink. Before getting sober I drink day and night. I drank on good days and bad days. You are the only one who can make the choice not to drink. Do some soul searching and you will find your way. Being sober is a journey but so worth it.
The short answer is a resounding NO.
This was cool reading through this thread. And it’s interesting that the majority of the people that responded to this post have long-term sobriety or some decent sobriety time mostly because of excepting they are alcoholics or addicts Which means moderation is ridiculous to even consider. Speaking for myself I don’t think I’ve ever had one drink in my life, I never had one pill or one line. I’m very grateful that currently I don’t want to have one drink or 20 drinks. I don’t want any drinks. But if I lost my mind and forgot that Im a alcoholic and went back to drinking I definitely wouldn’t be moderating. And speaking personally for me to go back to drinking is exactly that it’s losing my mind and forgetting that I’m an alcoholic. I accept what I am. So I will stick to complete abstinence because it’s easier and less drama and annoyance
Same my friend. Same here. Truthfully I’m always floored when I read how some people thought they could just have one, after getting some years of sobriety under their belt. It’s actually kind of frightening knowing if I went out it wouldn’t be for 1. It’s a healthy fear I’m happy to carry with me the rest of my sober ODAATs.
I’m so happy you’re still with us.
Have a good weekend.
Thanks Eric! I’m not going anywhere. There’s a lot of things in my thinking that have changed but primarily I just can’t start over again. I can’t end up in medical detox half dead , Unemployed with no material belongings And mentally and physically drained. That’s the best case scenario of where I’m going to end up if I go back to drugs or alcohol. I’ve pretty much been playing poker with my life for 15 years and Betting pretty high insane bets And I’m folding my cards and walking away while I can. I’ve done it all and I’ve seen it all as far as the drug and alcohol culture and there’s nothing new I’m going to experience and it damn sure won’t be anything worthwhile or positive. If I’m being honest though I am probably thinking like this because I’m involved with Alcoholics Anonymous, online therapy, this community , full-time employed And pursuing hobbies and soon will be going back to school so pretty much what I’m saying is there is no time for backtracking or stupid thinking. If I let my guard down and stop working my programs and stop living my life then I probably would start thinking ridiculous thoughts again. I am a success story currently. I’m not going to be another statistic like the path I was on.
You are a hero, I love your posts and how you appreciate what you achieved. Thank you for being here and sharing 
Thank you that’s a really nice thing to say. I’ve definitely had a lot of help so much help over the years but it just took time to hear everything and wake up. The timeline is different for everybody and We all have our stories and how we got here but at the end of the day we are connected in the fact that it just didn’t work anymore. The old way of doing things does not work
As others have said in this thread, trying to moderate an addiction will only lead to an aimless battle in which you will only lose. I’ve struggled numerous times with contemplating if I could have one drink, or only drink on Saturday’s to use my entire Sunday for recovery, and other variations of justifying “moderation.” It’s a very dangerous game to play and the end result is never worth it. Take care of yourself and stick around this community my friend 
When I drank Id drink everything in the house until it’s gone. If i didn’t think I had enough id visit the supermarket to get more. Then I’d drink. If I ran out I’d visit again… Why my brain works that way…who knows, I guess that’s the question to all of us regarding addiction.
I don’t buy alcohol now for home, I don’t go to the pub at all. I avoid any situation like that. If there is one I put on my big boy pants and take the car, so I have a reason to avoid it with being questioned.
I tried the moderation route. There was no route, just drinking and drinking until bed time.
Thanks so much for writing on this post after a While. Today is my 6 months anyversary being sober. After writing this treath i had another binge drinking episode which was my wake Up call. Joining AA and accepting i cannot have one drink have been my saviour.