This is a very random stupid thought thats just been on my mind. I am not even 20 yet, and I have been struggling since I was 13. I know its irresponsible for active addicts to have children, but I’ve always thought if I can get better then in 10, 15 years it would be a dream to get married and start a family. My issue is, sobriety is a lifelong commitment, and so are children. What if I relapse at a pivotal moment in their lives? I just don’t know if its possible. As someone who grew up around addicts, its my biggest fear to pass that trauma down. Sometimes I feel like I’ve destroyed so many opportunities for myself at such a young age. I guess I was just wondering if any of you guys had been able to do this. I was just hoping you know.
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My friend just worry about getting sober. This level of projection takes away from the matter at hand, your sobriety.
I can tell you this. Unless you get sober, a family will not be in your future.
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As your sobriety grows, the fear of the future will lessen. The answer will come to you when the time is right and your own house is in order.
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I think it’s possible, why would you be so hard on yourself, you deserve to live life normally, not to be judged for previous behavior. You can try to be best version of yourself but if you fail you can always try again. There is no perfect parent
Actually our sobriety is the one thing we have control over. It’s always ourselves who make the decision and it’s always ourselves that work our recoveries. Whereas we have no control whatsoever over natural disasters, sickness, accidents. So as long as we seriously work our recoveries one day at a time it’s the least of our worries for the future.
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In a way I did it the other way around - had a family then lapsed into addiction.
I’ve come to realise than alcohol is poison, and addiction is the consequence of that poison. So whilst I’ve always been a functional alcoholic, I haven’t been the best father I could have been, so now I’m sober.
Lifelong sobriety isn’t a commitment, it’s a logical choice to reject ingesting poison. It’s not a weight to carry, it’s a weight to leave behind.
So my answer is yes - of course you can have a family in the future - but sobriety has got to come first.
Also, for the record, you might have missed some opportunities in your young life but if you stay sober from here you’ll get a thousand more.
I don’t have a ton of experience (have only raised a stepchild) but there are two things I know for a fact:
- You will always worry about your children and whether you have been, are and will be a good enough parent for them
- Regardless of how amazing a parent you have been, are and will be, your kids will always have something to complain about re. their upbringing (thanks to my brilliant sister for that one!
)
In other words: keeping a family and raising kids is difficult enough as it is, now is the time to take addiction off the table as it will make things infinitely more complicated.
Give yourself the gift of sobriety and don’t worry too much about the rest, you’ve got it.
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