Not been on a while. I’m still fighting Cole addiction. I’ve gone from taking everyday to once or twice a week. Is it a relapse or a choice? I can’t seem to stop altogether. It’s killing me inside. Like I do good but can’t go two full weeks without. Longest I’ve managed to achieve is 1 week 
7 Likes
It’s neither a relapse nor a choice. You haven’t stopped using. That’s called addiction. Most of us have been there. Many of us have found our way out. If you want help you’re in the right place
18 Likes
If still call that active addiction because there is a continuation of use and white knuckling in between uses
8 Likes
If you check yourself into a detox facility you’ll automatically get 5-7 days clean and you won’t have access to the coke. Also, if you go to a hospital and ask for help, they can put you on a hold for a few days to keep you from leaving - have you tried that?
Whenever I wanted to quit using opioids and couldn’t do it myself that’s what I used to do. Make a plan while you’re in the facility on what to do and how to stay clean once you’re released.
And take it easy on yourself, you haven’t given up and thats amazing.
3 Likes
Thank you. I always give in to the thoughts and cravings. I really want to stop. I’ve sleeked therapy for the first time. Then it’s in groups and I just can’t be in groups. My anxiety is to much.
1 Like
Ok. Thank you. What does white knuckling mean?
Thank you. Yes I will look into that thank you
1 Like
I agree with this. Going to medical detox or the hospital puts you in a better environment for initially getting off of drugs or alcohol and sets you up for success. I’ve never gone to the hospital and been turned away when I asked for help. The main thing like you said is when you’re in detox is communicating with the nurses and outtake coordinators that you need help when you leave. A lot of times people go to these places and they don’t communicate or do anything and then they get mad when they get released with nowhere to go or no real help or plan. You have to want the help. Plus not having insurance or not having money doesn’t matter. There is so many programs for help.
3 Likes
I understand the anxiety being in groups or meetings but if I’m being honest being uncomfortable is what is going to produce results. You have to get out of your comfort zone and do something different to have something different happen Then the usual outcome. Being sober takes dedication and practice. The more you work at sobriety and learning the tools to stay sober the more it becomes normal and easy. You can be sober without your drug of choice and be content and happy and exist in this world. The anxiety gets better with time. Everything gets better if you put recovery first
6 Likes
Wow. Thank you so much for ur advice. I agree. I will go to the groups. It makes sense. I just don’t think I would open up to a whole group. It’s different when it’s one on one. I was also thinking of going into detox. My issue is I have 2 children I can’t be away from them. I’ve just had my 2 baby 9 months ago. Those 9 months were the best times of my life as obviously I couldn’t use while pregnant. I felt free. But always scared to give birth and go back to my old ways. 2 months later. I’m here.
2 Likes
As far as groups for therapy or AA meetings or NA meetings Really any kind of meetings related to recovery or mental health you have to realize there’s going to be no judgment. Nobody is judging you because I 100% guarantee they are going to relate to anything you share. Just go to one group or one session or meeting or whatever it is. Give it a shot. I primarily used drugs and alcohol to deal with my anxiety and for the longest time basically my solution for anxiety was running away from my problems and anxiety. I think it’s called exposure therapy where you pretty much do whatever you’re afraid to do until it becomes normal and not scary. If you’re unable to go to detox like inpatient maybe you can look into outpatient programs where you go once or twice a week to get help with your recovery and be able to talk to somebody. I’ve learned that you don’t get successful at some thing doing it by yourself. It doesn’t matter if it’s recovery, learning a new hobby, really anything you’re better off doing it with others And learning from people that have success in whatever it is. These are just some of the things that were taught to me or helped me. I’m still learning every day how to be sober in this world. All that matters is that you reached out and you want to be sober. That is a good place to start
1 Like
Awww thank you so much ur really kind. I will definitely go to one. I’m learning and failing and for 3’yewrs I’ve kept it to myself not even family new. I will reach out more. Thank you for ur advice
1 Like
You’re reducing your use
Keep making the time longer each time
It’s the right path for some sometimes
3 Likes
I wish I could just stop. That’s my plan but end up like this. I think it’s working though I’ve gone from everyday to once or twice a week.
2 Likes
You can now just use the same efforts towards quitting for good. Get rid of all of it. Stay away from other users if possible. Make your own wish come true 
Come on here and count your days with the app. It will help.
You are still in addition have you thought of trying meetings
1 Like
That’s an improvement. Keep a diary or something to remember how often you use and try making that longer even by a day each time
In my experience, moderation or reducing use alone simply doesn’t work. Tapering is best done with professional assistance (ie rehab or detox). It sounds like you’re still in active addiction, regardless of the fact that you’ve reduced use. It’s commendable, but it’s not sobriety, which is what this app and forum are for.
Read around here and take what works for you. I’ll echo what some others have said: get rid of everything, start fresh. Seek community and help with meetings. If withdrawals are a concern, seek medical help to ensure you detox safely. It’s going to be hard, but worth it, and it’s not impossible.
Until you stop with the intention of stopping for good, you’re not sober yet. You can do this.
2 Likes
Hi, sorry it’s took me so long to reply.
White knuckling kind of means that there is still an addictive voice in control of you between uses… So you might only be having use of your drug of choice every few days. But for those “sober” days in between you are literally clinging on and hanging on waiting for the next use… Instead it is better to realign your opinion of the drug of choice (i.e that it is not a reward or something to look forward to, intact it’s actually really bad for your body and well being) and that way the white knuckling can be relieved and in its place you are glad that you don’t have to do that to yourself any more.