Is it right of me for being upset at my husband because he leave me pretty much alone struggling with our child all the time
He works 8 or 9 hours a day depending on the day and I get that but it gust seems like all he cares about is his needs and leaves me with the baby to fend for myself kinda thing
I literally struggle everyday and night trying to get the baby down for a nap or gust for the night when it’s time I’m not trying to complain because I love it at times but thing is I don’t sleep really anymore I’m starting to not really eat anymore I’m starting to have a hard time braking free gust to take a shower or gust take a minute for myself
Because all our child wants is his mommy but I have needs to that need to be met so thinking that my husband is capable of doing dad things I go upstairs for a few minutes or whatever to yous the bathroom gut to do my thing but also to get a minute to myself the next thing I now our baby is losing it because all the baby wants is there mother so instead of being a good dad and gust trying to pull through and calming him down he brings our baby up to look for me and said to me I’m overwhelmed he gust wouldn’t stop
But yet in a way when I tell him I need a moment to myself because I’m overwhelmed it gust doesn’t work for him he gust tells me I got this and goes about his day
I get that he works I get that he’s tired and I get in someways he’s trying his best but I need more from him sometimes and every time I try to say that he automatically thinks I’m not understanding how over tired he is or I’m not validating the things he already does for me and the house and for our child
But thing is I do and that’s the problem because I give him props about things like thank you for this thank you for that but yet it feels like he doesn’t validate how exhausted I am and how much I get done I’m gust always there for him in every single way but yet it doesn’t feel like he is for me at times and to be honest I’m really sick and tired of feeling like that
Your feelings are completely valid. Sometimes the issue is simply communication. Both parties are overwhelmed and defensive. I think you need to explain to him that you have just as much claim to rest and relaxation as he does. That a baby is just as much work as a 9 to 5…except you never get a break… he needs to be able to give you those breaks so both of you arent resentful with each other and heaven forbid take it out on the child… and if he cant step up… you will have to set boundaries with yourself because its ok to ask for help. Do you have family near by that can come over? I really think you both need to sit down and discuss how he can help you get more rest… and know that you can do what you need to do if he isnt willing to be a supportive husband. He should have your mental health as a priority in his mind. Sending you all my love and healing energy.
No I don’t have family near by and I barely have family and what little family I do have lives a few hours away or more
So I’m pretty much on my own I’m literally both parents a lot of the time because my own husband can’t even help me out that much and I’ve literally been up all night off and on and then our child wakes up at literally 5 am on the dot
So I didn’t really have any sleep at all at the same time trying to stay up even though I’m over exhausted trying my best to be a good mother to our baby
I’m literally at the breaking point of saying fuck sobriety at some point like this one and gust give up but I now that’s not a good idea so that’s why I’m on here trying to stay Silber for at least my baby because out of all people I do not want to see my baby see me like that
I am not a mother but can imagine the exhaustion of taking care of a child. All day being there for them with no adult conversation can also be exhausting. I am sorry that your husband is not seeing your need to rest and helping out more.
Have you mentioned your desire to rest or how exhausted you are? He may not be noticing the last of sleep or that you are not eating if he’s away most of the day. This is no excuse as parenting should be a combined effort and he should be paying more attention.
I know I get upset when I am exhausted and in need of help and my loved ones don’t pitch in or ask to help. The I realize that I never spoke up either so I shouldn’t get upset but rather speak up for myself.
Are you able to communicate with your husband and maybe get a schedule so that you can get some “me” time. We all need to decompress. I hope you are able to find time to rest and rejuvenate
Im so sorry you’re feeling so bad
I can totally emphasise with this I had my first 2 babies in 13 months and my ex was useless, I ended up with post partum psychosis.
Is there a chance you maybe suffering with some post natal depression, that on top of the pure exhaustion of having a little one feels terrible.
Could you get checked out by a Dr?
You need to have a real sit down conversation with your partner, its his child too and hes equally responsible.
Maybe let him know you’re struggling to stay sober and whilst you don’t want to relapse as it won’t help, its being put in jeopardy.
These early days will pass and the little one will be less demanding but right now that doesn’t really help… keep talking with us, you’re not in this alone
This is such a frustrating situation for you. Your husband is not showing up for you as a partner; it sounds like he is behaving more like a roommate. Marriage can’t be roommates (at least, for me and my wife, any time we have started to feel like we are behaving like roommates, it has been a red flag and we have gotten some counselling to work through it). It’s not the same thing at all.
It’s tough also because it sounds like there’s a communication breakdown between you, like you’re talking “at” him and he’s talking “at” you (instead of talking with you: the talking is not a two-way conversation with listening; instead, it’s just saying things, like a radio or a podcast: broadcasting one way, with no two-way listening).
I’m sorry Is there anything that can help? Would you be interested in some ideas about communication? Or is it more helpful for you now just to listen?
You are being gracious, @Heiler1990, by accomodating sympathy for your husband’s situation. The truth is that he works 40-45 hours/week and you are on duty 24/7, that’s hardly fair or comparable.
I was your husband when I was younger, not actually, but metaphorically speaking I was. You have every right to be upset.
Being a parent is hard enough as it is, it’s not fair to “get a pass” just because you work. I know this now.
This is an opportunity to take your upset feelings and resolve it productively. Bottling it up will only lead to resentment and you don’t deserve to be burndened with resentment.
Do you think you could have a productive talk with hin about this?
Is there anything that can help? Would you be interested in some ideas about communication? Or is it more helpful for you now just to listen?