I found a meeting near me on Wednesday nights which is kinda good because some weeks my husband will be out curling. But on nights he is not out I’d need to tell him where I’m going. Would it be wrong to tell him I’m going to the gym?? I feel like lying goes against recovery (and my marriage too) but I just think he won’t agree that I should go. He certainly is vocal that I drink too much but doesn’t seem to want me to stop completely.
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I would be honest. I got SO many looks and questions from my family about the meetings, hell some were downright degrading about it but I didn’t let it bother me. I am sober and that’s all that mattered to me in the end. Whatever it takes!! If someone has a problem with how I handle my recovery it’s their issue, not mine to carry. Hope it gets easier for you love.
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Read that whole post out loud to yourself - I think you know the answer. A) Honesty is the best policy, and B) If he doesn’t support what’s good for you, what good is he?
Could your fears be “filling in the blanks” on this one?
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Absolutely…100%!!
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Good idea. I’ll let him know that I found a meeting and I’m thinking about trying it.
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We have been lying so often in our addiction to others so I think you should be honest and tell him the truth. Either he supports you with that or not.
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Truth is always best, but just answer questions and dont elaborate unless asked to. After a short while no one will give a damn what you do
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Its always the best to be honest. You do this for your self, not for others . He should be proud of you,lifting you up and supportive.
You are the most important in your life.
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I think everybody has covered it already, but I’ll just throw my 2 cents in. I think if he knows you drink too much then he should support you going to AA.
We snuck around lying all the time while we were drinking. Or at least I did. That crap weighs on me. I don’t need that easily solvable issue in my life. T
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Everyone has it covered, but I wanted to add my support for you to be truthful with your husband. I know I always sleep a little better when I am 100%. You really want to be sober @VSue and more so, you deserve sobriety. It may take time for him to come around, but put yourself out there (unless you fear physical harm) and let him know how much sobriety and meetings mean to you.
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Get to the meeting. You, yourself and your sobriety are the most important thing here. He’s either fully on board or he’s not and of he’s not that says a lot about him, and you need to start asking yourself honest questions. Good for you for seeking a meeting out 
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Thanks for asking this. I am wondering the same. I find that with my husband, it takes him a while to warm up to new things. He almost has to be forced into change. He doesnt understnd how I can’t just have one drink and stop. Or drink with him and his friends and not get drunk. Maybe go, learn some stuff, meet new people, and then tell him that you have been going. But thats me and my relationship.
Anyway, I have a feeling that most people don’t tell everyone around them that they are on the way to AA. Do what is best for you.
I mean, I dont tell people I’m on the way to the salon for a lip wax. But its gotta get done. Husband didn’t know I did that until we got married either, ha ha.
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So my question to you is why do you go to the gym?? To better yourself I’m sure. To feel better about yourself. It’s no different with you going to meetings. Maybe that’s the conversation to have with the hub. You are trying to better yourself
As far as the drinking together thing, that’s a conversation with later. It only matters that you’re not drinking with him today. That’s all that matters. Because that’s the only absolute that we deal with well… not drinking today
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If he’s aware of and critical of your drinking can’t you phrase your initial approach as a suggestion. You know, like… “I’d like to have a look at this?”
Personally I don’t think it a good idea not to tell him and you are right part of getting sober is honesty.
Sadly…my plan was to talk to him while we were alone in the car driving to the spa tomorrow…now we will be carpooling. I have to find some time when the kids aren’t around.
I’d just tell him, but that’s me.
I’m more interested the curling… is it like a league or just some guys getting together? Lol
I just told my family straight, my husband doesn’t think that I belong there but it’s my sobriety and I don’t care what he thinks
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You go girl! My family also have the same thoughts about me. For my family, it comes from a place of misunderstanding and assumptions about AA. But whatever, that’s theirs to deal with. That said, I have it easy because I live alone so don’t have someone else in the house that I need to account to or is curious about where I might be going.
I do sometimes leave family events to go to meetings and don’t necessarily tell them that is where I am going, because I don’t want to deal with their questions or projecting their own stuff on to me. I’ve told them once or twice that I’ve been going to AA meetings - for me, it does not need to be an ongoing conversation every time I go to a meeting (which is often). I’ll usually just say “see ya, got to [be somewhere/meet a friend/whatever]”.
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It’s a league. 
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