Really dont know where to come besides here for this. I recently tried to start dating again but, being a love addict, I get attached too easily and believe I just blew two potential relationships. I remember why I stopped dating in the first place. Im afraid to get hurt. I was doing good I didnt have any women in my life and it was good because nothing could hurt me. Now im here hurting like hell because I gave into my addiction. I really dont think love is worth this pain.
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Everyone deserves love @RamenSaturday. And love shouldn’t hurt. Maybe it’s rejection you’re afraid of, not love. Did you seek the date or did it just happen?
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Sorry you’re feeling low or rejected. It’s never fun to feel unwanted. I’ve been there.
To me, the biggest part of staying sober is learning to love myself. If I see my own value then the actions of my significant other don’t matter (as much). When I’m doing things to care for myself and take pride in, I’m taking care of the temple so my mind has a healthy place to reside.
You are wholly complete without a relationship. Happiness is found within, not from external stimuli. Love may be painful at times. But life isn’t lived if we are always staying in the safety of our comfort zone. @Yoda-Stevie often says, ‘Love is an action.’ It’s a commitment to do your best to act with compassion toward another person. It’s not a life raft we cling to because we’re drowning.
A relationship can be an escape from ourselves and it can easily become an obsession with unhealthy expectations. It creates resentment when that person isn’t there (physically/mentally) to give us the warm fuzzies. Even though that person might have perfectly legitimate reasons to be absent, we still feel resentful.
Only through the work of sobriety can we learn to stand on our own two feet. After that, we can begin the work of standing next to someone in a healthy and supportive relationship. You’ve gotta crawl before you can run. Additionally, when we are standing, we aren’t dependent on others for self worth and we don’t have to compromise our values for the sake of a fragile/toxic person to which we attach our contentment.
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I went looking for it. I thought i was in a place where i could control myself but i just dove in and missed the water i guess.