In 2 more hours ill be 74 days sober from alcohol. These past few weeks have been hard. Nothing going on in particular. Just feeling a slump of depression. Like I dont even know what im feeling or how to feel happy again. I absolutely know that alcohol isn’t what I want or need. But sometimes im like, what if? Idk how to even describe what im feeling but im hoping I can get through this before my mind starts convincing itself that it needs a drink. Im extremely proud of how far I’ve come. So I guess that’s the positive of this post.
I’ve been here. Then I ended up at Day One again. If I could have rewound to your point now I would have given anything. So you are “past version” of me. Don’t pick up. (I’m not actually sure this makes sense when I read it back)
You can control that through working on your sobriety, whats good is you have recognised that those thoughts are there but your mind doesnt convince itself…you have control over that by not having that first drink regardless of your thoughts, youve come this far and are doing great, you have power over your thoughts and therefore your subsequent actions,
We all get those thoughts, i just tell mine to f**k off lol
After the (false) highs and terrible lows of drinking, sobriety can feel a bit flat. Sometimes you want to shake things up a bit. But when you have only done that with alcohol (or with any drug of choice), your brain goes to that option. Think of other ways to get some novelty: go to a new place, make a new recipe, listen to a new band, try a new activity.
Secondly, what you are feeling is totally normal. Its wonderful youre reaching out now for support vs when you are closer to relapse. Remember your why for getting sober, get your body moving to boost your internal feel good hormones, and build up your sober toolbox. What steps can you take today to improve your quality of life?
Dont listen to addiction. Its lying to you and trying to claw you back into the insidious cycle. Stick with us. Theres hope on this side of things.
Also as someone who has a lifetime of depression, if your blues last for more than 2 weeks or you are feeling unsafe please reach out to a professional.
I love this explanation of why we may chafe at the ‘simpler’ life of sobriety, and the suggestions of healthier options. I need to remember this when I fall into old reactive patterns of high alert (to get that physical cortisol boost).
There is a phase of recovery called Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome (PAWS), that can persist from days to months and can start anytime from one month to two years after getting sober. Here is a good explainer on it.
You can search for PAWS on Talking Sober also, and find the many experiences others have had with it. You are not alone in this.
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with love cjp
percent worth it!