When I first joined here I did lots of reading first before I reached out, just kinda felt the place out a bit I get it my method maybe different than others but that’s ok.
The topic will reach attention as it seemed you where in the top 5, there are ongoing threads and most of them are visited by the same people which keeps them going, the check in threads are amazing. Probably the most used thread regarding everyday check ins to talk about your day, good or bad and get some support,
Things always are changing here, generally the more you participate you’ll develop of your group that becomes supportive of each other. Of course it takes time, you get out what you get in. From your profile pic I guess your former or active military, plenty of vets here myself included, you’ll find your spot, I think of it kinda like a team sport sobriety is a team sport, naturally on the team your gonna bond with some more than others. I been on the site about 2 years, when I started posting regularly I started making some connections and we still talk to this day.
No apologies needed.
It’s a funny coïncidence that a mistake like that happens in this post.
It just goes to show how easily all of us are lead by our assumptions. Nothing strange there : it’s how the human mind works. What we see gets interpretated by our earlier experiences and assumptions.
This entire topic was started because of one of your assumptions. Not necessarily a right one though.
From the replies you mainly picked up what matched your assumption, and showed a bias for the rest.
That rest however, explained you some reasons whý it is what you noted initially.
As for the other assumption : Fargesia is a bamboo family name.
And I’m not female.
In this topic I requested to keep it polite “boys, girls and inbetweens”. I’m the inbetween
I have felt like this for quite some time. I was disappointed that some people don’t get any attention whilst fun topics got a lot.
But it makes sense of you think about it.
A lot of people who come around here often get used to certain regular topics(checking in daily, leg selfies, sober selfies, meme wars, etc.) This makes that people find comfort in these topics and check all new replies, which can be 200+ posts in only 24 hours. If you feel the need to read all of it, that can take a long time. Most people here have jobs and other things that they have to attend to, so the amount of time left for unread threads becomes a lot smaller.
Also taking the time to write a thought out reply can be very exhausting. Especially when you see relapse topic after relapse topic.
Like in real life, it takes time to make connections. I also remember first joining, getting one or two ‘hearts’ in my first posts and feeling a bit ignored. I remember feeling so included when a post finally got 10 hearts! And it took a while! There are so many members that your name has to pop up a few times for people to really remember you. I try to acknowledge as many newcomers as I can, but there are many threads and also I (and others) only have so much time. People who have long sober time often have been on the site a long time too and so get more hearts and replies.
Seeing ‘everyone’ happy when you are struggling is hard, I get it. But those people who are happy and stable got there from right where you or others are now with hard work, and those people definitely remember being at the beginning. Most if not all of those people are willing to talk about how they got to where they are, but that connection needs to be made first.
I see you have some links and wish you well. Hope to see you on some other threads joining in.
I’m sorry that ur feeling feeling way I actually have the opposite perception. I find that those in early recovery tend to get more support and as people gain time under their belts, I feel like the support lessens unless it is asked for. Basically bcuz they have done the work to get that year or so and “should know” how to handle what comes their way. This tho isn’t true bcuz life can be hard at times no matter how much clean time u have. We all need support.
I’m one to blame for generally having positve posts on here. Im naturally a positive person tho bcuz Ive worked hard to retrain my brain to feel gratitude and to just be an overall upbeat person. Thats my nature. But that is also what helps me to stay clean. But believe me we all have our crappy days and hard times. Ur very much welcome here and belong here if u feel like want to be apart of this community
Hey, I remember you. You posted a few months back, asking for words of support. I believe I offered words, but never heard anything back, I really hoped it helped.
I’ve been a member of this forum for 4.5 years now.
I’ve seen a lot of different types of people come and go and there’s some people that come here and build their sobriety around what I call a “self destruct” button. As soon as they aren’t getting what they need, whether it’s support, a shoulder to cry on or in most cases, attention, they blow up and say “See, no one cares, so sobriety is not for me”.
I don’t want you to go out in a blood bath of sour grapes, and it’s clear you need some attention (which is not a bad thing at all), and so the floors yours, what is @Penaortiz struggling with right now?
I have been here for almost 6 years. I reach out to newcomers a lot. But after daily newcomers every day for six years, and similar questions and needs, it can definitely be a struggle to keep reaching out. I see also people come on looking for support or feeling down and get responses and support and then they never respond back.
I try to acknowledge new folks milestones, 24 hours, week, a few days, months, etc and the bigger ones too.
People may look at those of us who have been here a long time and see ‘grandiosity’ in our milestones or posts with big numbers…but we all started at day 1, we all struggled and wept and slogged thru our days. Some of us did it all on here…others got here after some sober time. I know it can feel hard to relate to someone with years of recovery. I remember being in awe of people with 30, 90 days or a year. There wasn’t anyone here with any time over a year when I joined because the forum was only a year old, maybe less.
We all have our stories. Some of us stick around. Some of us leave. We all get to figure out what works for us and what doesn’t.
Some of us are barely making it thru this minute, this hour…offering up the little emotional energy we have to others may not be possible at this time.
I was literally just having the leg selfies, memes and cat pictures discussion with a friend here today (I mute a lot of those ‘non recovery to me’ threads) and my friend said something really eye opening…for new people, just trying to get thru the 24 hours…those threads can be a welcome distraction. I thought that was a wise statement.
I always hope people find support here, something to help them thru, to inspire them to work toward a healthier healing self. And I also know that isn’t the case for everyone and that too is okay.
I’ve been sober 23 days this time. I think a lot of recovery community is getting out what you put in I’m not an expert but I think one of the things I experienced in my first week was a little bit of envy for people who had years of sobriety. I had previously had stints of my life where I had been sober for a year a couple times. This time I admitted I have a problem and seek to change. This made it more difficult especially joining a community because as I said it’s easy to look around and see others with years under their belt and feel envious or overwhelmed as those people interact a lot and obviously have a lot of attention because they have so much great advice!
Interacting with those people helped me see the importance of one day at a time and that it’s not a competition to rack up days. It’s a lifestyle change which often works best with community. A lot of posts get traction on here because they’re off topic from sobriety which is a great thing! Always talking about sobriety and addiction can get overwhelming, the other posts are such a great way to talk to people who share the same problems but talk about something lighthearted for a minute.
The sports chat for instance, I love sports I’m a sport guy and a head sports coach in addition to my regular job. I hopped on there and shared the stress of my sports job and my passion for it and I interacted with a wealth of people who were supportive even about something not related to sobriety but life in general.
I’m working on balancing my schedule to get to in person meetings at church so this app is my primary community right now. Is it perfect? No. But is there always someone on here who cares? At least one person? Yes! I have never posted something and had it go without one person at least acknowledging it. Even if no one replies it does feel great seeing just one person like a post of yours.
Like I said, you get what you put into this place and any group. The more you interact the more people you get to know and before you know it, the things you post are helping some other person in their first week. Just my thoughts as another new kid on the block because this place has been phenomenal for me. It’s always there in my pocket when I’m having a hard moment, I know there’s a whole community waiting for me if and when I need them.
I reflect on this a lot too. I think it’s really a belonging question.
Who am I?
Do I belong? Do I belong here? Is this a place that I can be me? (Who is me?)
Am I “good enough” to be here? Am I allowed to enjoy cats and game threads? Or is my life just an endless series of miseries (caused by my addiction choices) which makes me think I will always be on the margins?
I can’t think of a more human thing to do, than ask those questions.
“Is this the right place?” is an important question. What’s also important though is the pain and agony that addiction causes. In that pain, in that agony, we lose all sense of place.
In addiction, we live in pain, not in place: our “place”, in addiction, is pain.
For that reason when we’re in the depths of addiction we can’t see ourselves belonging anywhere. Where we “belong” - where our addiction-brain thinks we belong - is in the arms of the only partner we’ve ever had: our addiction (our devil, our demon, our chaotic companion).
“Is this the right place?” I don’t know. I can say it is a valuable and constructive place for hundreds of active participants here, and it has an impact in the lives of probably thousands more.
The “right” place? For what? That’s the question. There’s dozens of threads here that provide valuable insight into that question. It’s an open question for sure - and it’s well worth the effort to explore, to look into what I need and what’s right for me, right now. We all have something we need, that’s for sure
Right?! Lol I mean it’s great talking sobriety because that always reminds us where we’ve been and why we are here. But too much of it can easily lead into regret and make us forget about the importance of self forgiveness and gratitude. I love the random threads because even if I’m not having a tough time they’re fun and I feel connected to a group of people who I know I can trust because we share a problem in our lives that we all understand better than people in our lives that may not.
At almost a month I find myself hopping on more to check in on other people which is actually how I ended up clicking on this thread. I already see the value and seek to give back to this place because people like you connected with me a lot my first week. When I see posts where people are in trouble or having a hard time I jump in and at least read and like their posts right away. I don’t always respond as I may not have great advice or time to reply at the moment but I acknowledge I alt east read their words and am supporting the thread.
I didnt come here to glad hand, just vent because I posted a pic of my dead dad and cousin. Was hoping for support but the flag was enough to know my place
That is what it is all about, at least for me. And why I stick around. When people reached out to me in early days, It made a big impression, they ‘heard’ me, they could ‘see’ me…idk…it helped and stuck.
Sometimes I have a lot to give, sometimes too much (and I know that, I work on that) and sometimes I got nothing left. I just try to cut myself and everyone else some slack for wherever they are at right now.
I got some serious shit going on at home, so this allows me to lose myself here for awhile. Pro or con…I am not always sure.
First off I hope things at home get better I’m sorry to hear you’re dealing with difficult stuff, life can be a bitch sometimes as we all know!
But yes, you and several others really inspired me and made me feel welcome when I was newer. I’m still new lol but I feel at home with this community because so many stories are similar to mine and I spent so long avoiding what is a real problem even though it didn’t look like I imagined addiction looking like in my head or what other people and society told me it did.
I was laid up sick with COVID my first week sober so I was really fortunate to spend a ton of time on here in the fragile days of my first week. Now I don’t need that constant connection but I check in daily even if it’s just to see how other people are doing. It really is for me about how much you put in. The more you connect and reach out the better you feel and more at home you feel.
I always try and take time to welcome new people and encourage them, even if sometimes i feel stupid because im saying similar things i have in the past. I see it as a responsibility and obligation as im still brought to tears when a i think how how profound a simple reach out from funnydad saved me when i was out of strength and about to relapse on day 2 or 3. Lord knows i get frustrated as hell sometimes, and have peaced out more than once because im a hotheaded isolating person, but the bottom line is that Strangers saving the lives of strangers happens every day here, and its beatiful.
You sound really resentful, i have always found the opposite, people who are in early sobriety get a lot of support because those who are long term know exactly how we feel because they have done that and bought the t shirt, concentrate on your recovery and don’t be worrying about getting a pat on the back, pat yourself on the back, good luck
I actually have the opposite perception. I find that those in early recovery tend to get more support and as people gain time under their belts, I feel like the support lessens unless it is asked for. Basically bcuz they have done the work to get that year or so and “should know” how to handle what comes their way. This tho isn’t true bcuz life can be hard at times no matter how much clean time u have. We all need support.
I’m not an expert but I think one of the things I experienced in my first week was a little bit of envy for people who had years of sobriety. I had previously had stints of my life where I had been sober for a year a couple times. This time I admitted I have a problem and seek to change. This made it more difficult especially joining a community because as I said it’s easy to look around and see others with years under their belt and feel envious or overwhelmed as those people interact a lot and obviously have a lot of attention because they have so much great advice!
