Hello, I’m working Day 24 sober from addiction to wine, which I drank 3/4 bottle of every night for 5-6 years, though I’ve loved wine much longer. The alcoholic in me wants to say 3/4 bottle is not that bad, but the truth be told is that I was obsessed with that 3/4 bottle.
I have not attended an AA meeting yet, but I have been open with a lot of people about my decision to clean up my act. I’ve told some strangers, family, friends, this APP, even Facebook . I’ve reached out to a few recovering friends. I’ve owned it. I’ve read the book Recovery by Russell Brand. (Actually, it was reading his book that had me decide it was time). I went to a recovery bookstore and bought the pocket guide to the 12 steps.
I want to approach sobriety the right way this time. So, why does it feel like I’m white knuckling it?
White knuckling it to me is keeping it to yourself and not seeking assistance from others. AA isn’t the only option but it can be a good one. It is totally possible to sit there quietly during an AA meeting and leave feeling you are still all alone in this battle. I applaud your decision and this app is a great start. I would suggest looking into AA or SMART recovery to feel as though your not alone in the battle. Maybe going to a meeting and getting a phone number or two to call if you are ever feeling weak wouldn’t be a bad idea.
you might get something out of looking at what that site says about white knuckling, might not.
also, i like how @LeeHall put it in terms of keeping it to yourself, i’d never thought of it in that light but i think that’s a cool interpretation or twist on the way i’d previously heard the term used.
for whatever it’s worth - i have a few months of sobriety and i attend aa. i am connected to many people and work the steps w a sponsor. at times i feel i am “white knuckling” it too. i chalk that up to the fact ive been pushing my mind and body to the absolute limits w drinking/substance abuse for quite a long time and it’s not just gonna become easy overnight or eight months. im really trying to get w the “daily reprieve” and “one day at a time” sayimgs. it’s work for sure but even on my worst sober days im learning and better off than any day id known in the past 10+ years.
i’d like to add that i don’t think aa is the only way to get/stay sober or to avoid “white knuckling” sobriety. i’ve just never found a way to stay sober a day before going, so i’m going to continue, but everyone is different and that applies to recovery as well in my opinion
I always considered “white knuckling” as doing nothing for sobriety. Doing nothing and expecting something to change. Or sitting there wanting a drink and not doing anything about it.
that makes sense as a way to look at it. i guess personally, when i feel as if i am “white knuckling” it i mean that though it’s my largest goal, it’s of top priority in my life, and i am working the steps with a sponsor, attend meetings daily, read daily, working towards developing a relationship with my higher power, praying, making attempts at meditation that work for me, despite all that shit i still feel at times like i’m juuuuuuuust barely maintaining my sobriety/recovery. i fully believe it has to be something worked on daily and taken day by day as well, but when i feel like i’m white knuckling it is 'cause i’m feeling like my sobriety is somehow a mixture of luck/willpower instead of work and trust in a higher power. and i know for someone like me willpower is not enough. i don’t expect to have a clear idea of my higher power just yet, maybe i never will, and i don’t expect to be spiritually well overnight either. these are things that i’m prepared to work on today and hopefully tomorrow as well.
i guess overall, it’s just that despite advice i’m taking from others in recovery and working to remain teachable i at times really feel like i’m just getting by. i’ve expressed this to several people i know within aa and most of them have told me to chill the fuck out and say i’m doing fine, so, i guess that’s enough hah.
anyhow - i also like the way you put your thoughts about what white knuckling means.
. I’ve reached out to a few recovering friends. I’ve owned it. I’ve read the book Recovery by Russell Brand. (Actually, it was reading his book that had me decide it was time). I went to a recovery bookstore and bought the pocket guide to the 12 steps.