I find it extremely hard if not impossible to socialise with the few friends and family members i have left without beer and weed, as ive never really done that. Everytime we meet it meant having a session. Whenever ive gone sober and if friends show up unannounced i get flustered, anxious, shakey and just wish they would leave asap. But if i drink im like an entertainer and have everyone laughing. I have many reasons to straighten up but im literally pushing everyone away and isolating my self. Im finding sober life to be challenging and im up for the challenge but im just not familiar with the sober me i feel like im not me because i spent all those years obliterated. Im ignoring calls not replying to messages in the hopes eveyone will leave me alone. Im in bad health and really want to fight back and spend the rest of my years as a different and better version of myself, not just for me but for my partner and my kids. It just feels Alien to me and saddens me to think i have wasted all those years being someone im not and find myself suffering in silence. Chronic pain has become a big part of the equation and of course mental health too. Spent the last 24 years after leaving the military as a young lad feeling like a failure and found false comfort in alcohol and substances and find those years are practically a blur. I just want another chance i realise life is beautiful we only get one shot at it. I need inspiration, encouragement im sick of staying in wasting the days away dreaming. I dont enjoy being wasted anymore so i dont enjoy my social circles im done with it but nervous for how il survive.
Just because you need a break from the regular entertaining as youre finding your sober legs doesnt mean its going to be that way forever. Do what is necessary to protect your sobriety today, whatever that is.
It sounds like you’re being extremely honest with yourself.
The process of sobriety is extremely sobering when we realize how much of who we were revolved around being altered and inebriated. We realize how much time, energy, money etc has been wasted on a lie.
This is your chance to do the work. This is the path to take you to your full potential.
I know it’s not easy, but it’s worth it and continues to become more and more so. 
Those friendships and encounters that make you feel you need to drink in order to be comfortable might need to take a backseat until you’re stronger in your sobriety and that’s okay. You don’t have to pretend to be okay as you heal.
The people who love you will understand the isolation and space you need.
This is a hard time and I know you may not see it now but it’s an exciting path you’ve chosen and you should be proud of yourself!
I speak for myself only, as someone who has chosen to be sober without a program and without any real sober people in my life, but I have found a ton of support on this app alone.
Keep us updated on your journey!
I think you are doing tremendously well! 
Just picked one quote from your story because it really resonates well with me. All too often when alcohol is involved, boundaries are at best ignored and sometimes even disrespected because “we are/were having a good time”. If not having guests over unannounced is a boundary for you, all the better for sticking to it and (re-)establishing that boundary in the nicest way possible. You can always explain that it simply interferes with your plans for that day, family life and commitments etc., right?
Once that has been established, it will hopefully allow you to mentally prepare a bit more for when you do get together and not find it as overwhelming as you currently do?
If your spouse is aware of your sobriety and your current struggles, I would also involve them in making a planned exit as and when you feel that you have reached your max. After all, parties where you are the only sober adult in the room tend to fizzle out a bit sooner than they used to when you too were caught up in the alcoholic whirl. From experience, I can confirm that it does get better with time!
Thank you for such a lovely response its reassuring knowing im not alone. And for sure i will keep you posted im extremely determined to turn things around no matter how difficult. Thank you.
Dirk thank you for your kind words and sound advice. One day at a time from now on and i shall focus on the fact things will get better. Thank you.