Social distancing has been hard. In my first month of sobriety, I didn’t have much going for myself , I was in summer school in college taking one class, in a toxic relationship with someone who i allowed to neglect and use me, I was jobless and lost. I ended up relapsing before I could reach a month, not that I was keeping completely sober that first month I was still smoking out of marijuana vape pens. I got back on track, joined an intensive out patient program where I would go 4 days a week for about 3-6 months, I was a full time college student , going to meetings almost everyday, rejoined boxing and had finally gotten employment and eventually left the guy I was with. I have been keeping busy because when I’m busy I feel important, I don’t feel lonely and I feel like I have purpose in life like I am worth something and it keeps thinking about things too much at a calm sense. Since this whole quarantine situation, I have been having way more using dreams, way more cravings, and way more desires to use without thinking of the pain I use to bring to myself and my family by using. I also met someone a month or two after leaving the last guy I was with, and fell completely head over heels. I soon realized it wasn’t someone who would treat me right because he has lots of issues with showing care, love, being open, and anything to do with emotions and showing any of them. None the less I stayed because deep down I sow someone special and someone worth fighting for. Before being addicted to drugs, I was addicted to guys and their attention/affection and self harm. I am now being knocked down by not having anything to keep me busy, not having the guy I want/care for and have love for reciprocate the same and by not having any recovery in my life. I feel so unmotivated, have lots of thoughts of self harm and of using and ontop of that my sleep is all messed up. I am 8 months into recovery, and I am scared. If anyone has any suggestions, or is willing to walk I’d love to hear them or talk.
Congrats on 8 months, that’s amazing:+1: I feel so much of what you’ve said, relationship wise. I get addicted to men and any affection they give me but become blinded initially. I’m now in a 4 year relationship that began while I was at my worst, and once becoming alcohol free for 4+ months I realized what I had really gotten into. A very distant and obscure man. This isolation, with him and my 6yo daughter, has opened my eyes to so much. Mostly about myself, because that’s all I can really control, but also some of our deep issues I never really realized before now. At this point I cant control myself in my situation and I’m stressed the f out. I miss the world, and my newly ‘normal’ life(3 weekd ago). I’m sorry I havent any advice for you but I want you to know you aren’t alone. Stay strong. This will pass. I tell myself that every day. We’re all in this together (literally the entire world(like wtf?!)). We can get through this. Welcome 
Hi, I’m sorry to hear about your pain. It sounds like you are going through so much now. That’s a lot of weight to carry 
Like Laura said above, sobriety opens up your eyes. It sounds like in your case you’ve noticed a pattern of falling for these guys in a kind of Florence Nightingale situation, where you nurse them, save them, help them, then things fall apart & you’re using again and you’re frustrated and ashamed and scared.
Love addiction may be a part of what you’re going through. Sex and love addiction shows up differently in men and women because there’s a double standard in our world for sex and love, in the roles and expectations for men and women. But it definitely exists in women at about the same rate as in men; in women, more than with men, it tends to be drinking and using drugs that bring them into recovery first (because of the double sexual / relationship standard in our world).
You probably need to work some sort of program first though to figure out a bit about your personal history and how that’s shaping your choices today. There are lots of good programs here (including many that have online options happening right now) - take a look:
Resources for our recovery
There are some posts in that thread about sex and love addiction too, in addition to alcohol and drugs.
Take care, keep working your program, keep searching, reading, and learning. You will get this.