After a long and complicated weekend. I’m starting day 1 over again. I was doing so well until Saturday. I don’t even know what really happened. One moment I’m at the grocery store and the next I’m walking out of the liquor store with a bottle in my hand. I came home and in secret poured myself a glass of sprite with grape flavor packet and some vodka. The secret soon was out as my husband could see what I was up too.
The Sunday came around and I tried once again hiding it from him. This time he sat down with me and asked me if there was something he could do to help me. I asked him to dump the rest of the bottle. He did. Today before he left for work he ask me to do something for him. I said yes. He asked me to take it easy and to drink plenty of water. So, that is what I am doing. I’m hanging out with the kiddos, watching movies and doing crafts.
That’s often how it happens. It sneaks in and blindsides you when you least expect it. After months of me not being able to get even 24 hours, I finally made it to 30 days. Then, for no reason in particular, my car took me to the liquor store. It felt like I was on autopilot and there was nothing I could do to stop it. Experiencing this multiple times has taught me that you can never let your guard down. It’s always gonna be waiting in the background for the perfect time to strike.
I’m glad you made it back 
Some don’t. Think of what you can do to prepare for the next time. You have be a step ahead to avoid these situations.
It is something I think we all struggle with at times. I know it’s happened to me. I am back on day 2. Hang in there and glad you’re back. We are all in this together. It’s good your husband is supportive and understanding too.
Thinking back to that moment at the grocery - were you bored? Or tired? Or thinking that maybe you might find some relief from something in that bottle?
What can you do to help drown out the false whispers coming from the bottle? There’s nothing in there that will help; what can you do to push through and ignore it?
I felt that way at the end of the night out of habit and a desire to be numb; but the cycle only gets worse if I were to keep looking for a solution in the bottle, because the pain doesn’t go away.
I have so much more clarity now, and even on shitty days - I know I can get through it, and the pain is fleeting. Sober me is infinitely better for my family and myself, and I want that. What do you want?
How’re you doing today??
I hope that you are much better.
Thinking back on that moment I was tired, in auto-drive and overthinking events that have since now come and gone.
I definitely want to stay sober this time. Not that for the people in my life but for me 100%
I am doing better today. I had a no phone yesterday
So much better!
I’m glad to hear you’re feeling better!! You can and will do this for yourself - your body and mind will thank you!
What’re some things you’re going to do for yourself to keep rockin’ on this path??