Hey, I came here because I dont have enough courage to go to AA. I’m afraid someone will recognize me while entering or exiting. This is weird for me, I’ve never been the bad seed in the family until some things went south. I HATED IT when my uncles would smoke, now I dont mind doing it in parties. I HATED IT when people drank senseless, I lost my boyfriend and I dont remember how? I just woke up with lots of bruises. I do remember the way he stared at me. I finally know what it’s like to look in the mirror and hate yourself. well not yourself that person in the mirror, because you know you’re not her. I know I’m not her. Since we broke up I’ve been trying to change, it’s terribly hard. People keep inviting me to parties and I keep holding my breath and saying no to them… it has only been 11.5 days since the last time I drank and every night I fear I wont make it to the next day. There are bottles full of my biggest enemy in my table, they’re a threat but they’re there to calm me… If I really need it, I can always go there. This text had no purpose, I just wanted to say something about it to someone. Everyone in my family loves me and think that I’m unbreakable … but I break every night. I can’t even sleep!
This is a good place to start. Congrats on 11.5 days! Having a community to talk to and read from really has helped me when I’m struggling. You can do it.
First of all 11.5 days is incredible!You’re already doing amazing.You dont have to go to AA there are other ways like using this app, nature walks, meditations, spending your time doing things that actually make you happy instead of drinking.
Keep sayinh no to parties and bars thats the smartest thing you can do right now.
There are plenty of nights and conversations amd fights I dont remember and maybe we are better off that way, not rememebering them.
My advice would be continue thing sobriety journey by making a list of things alcohol would distract you from that you really want to regardless of how small it is or wether or not other people will see you doing it.
Hang in there! Take it a day at a time, dont think about tomorrow, concentrate on not drinking today… Hour by hour if you have to. If i just dont drink for the next hour, ill be ok…
And you can change… You dont have to continue to be that girl in the mirror. I know all too well whats its like! to hate the person staring back at you. You wonder what the hell youre doing… You are not alone!
I would recommend a AA meeting since its crossed your mind. If someone does recognize you in the meeting, remember theyre there for the same reason. If youre worried about someone outside the meeting, maybe go to a meeting in a different town. I found my solution in AA. AA saved my life and continues to do so. I got sponsor and support group. Its nice having People who understand me in my life today. This app helps also, but i needed help. I needed more than just the app. But thats just me.
You know i too thought i was better than this disease. I thought i wasnt raised this way i cant have a problem. But in reality, i do have a problem. I have to deal with it on a daily basis. But there is a solution and you dont jave to continie to live being miserable. You can message me anytime youd like. Hope this helps. And rememeber its Just for Today.