Time being relative to the fact that I’ve said I was gonna quit numerous times before. This time feels different however.
I wasn’t a daily drinker, but a few days a week binge to blackout drinker. I’d wake up with almost all my paycheck gone and my wife mad at me. Only the vague memories of the night before.
Ive been arrested once for DUI, pled to reckless op, and have never made that terrible mistake again. But I’ve ended up in bad situations with worse people and could’ve just as easily had something terrible happen.
Maybe it’s a blessing, but the only real repairs I need to make (besides my body resting and recovering from the 10 odd years of poison I put into it) are with people. My wife and kids specifically. Myself obviously. Some people I’ve made the call to let go, going as far as to change my phone number.
I’ve got a great job, a wonderful family, and as far as I know no permanent damage from a 10 yr spree of hard to the paint drinking. AA doesn’t really seem to be for me, though Im picking up the Big Book from the library to read through it. I also have This Naked Mind in my Amazon cart and a few good blogs. Plus here
I truly believe this time is the end. My last binge, I woke up still drunk. I may or may not have urinated in my living room (I don’t remember, but it would’ve been greatly out of character, even drunk) and I had spent over $600 in a night. Broke for the next 10 days. The disappointed look my wife gave me wasn’t anger, it was pity and worry. And that gave me a huge dose of fear. I love my family more than anything in the world, and to see a look that said I really had no more chances left scared me deeply.
So I’ll be around here. Maybe try some online meetings. Once insurance issues are solved, start some therapy.
But I’m grateful. Only been about 1.5 days, but that’s what this is. One day, one minute making the right call to not drink.
I wish you the very best of luck. Grab sobriety with both hands and be prepared to do whatever it takes to stay sober.
I have read This Naked Mind and I thought it was a great book.
I attend AA. It may or may not be for you. I personally love it, the fellowship it brings me and the opportunity to talk about my emotions help me to not only stay sober but live a better more productive life.
I would recommend reading chapter 3 in particular - you never know, AA or other programs (SMART, etc) might help you on your journey. You might not want to rule anything out. Welcome, I hope you stick around
I’m not a big AA person either I just like going on Saturdays when they have an open speaker that tells there stories. There is usually around 100 people that attend. It’s a good starting point for you tho. Theres so many meetings at different places. The one around the block from me is all pretty much old bikers and ex gang bangers. I goto the town over maby 10 miles and it’s more my crowd it’s a mix of young and old and amazing people. I would encourage you to goto at least meeting and you dont have to tell your story if you dont want to but you can listen. My old doctor got my German shepherd certified as an emotional support animal so the Alano club I goto allows service animals. No one has ever told me to leave. I’m a serial resetter so I get it. I have a doctor appointment today to see about getting on campral to help out. I’m willing to try at thing at this point. I’m 33 and want a family soon so I have a long road ahead of me. Stay strong buddy
Welcome! Sounds like it is definitely time to get back to sober life. Read all you can on here, there is a wealth of information. The FAQs have some great informative threads.
Welcome. I’ve walked the same path, chewed the same dust as you have. So much to be thankful for, to love, appreciate and cherish, and yet I drank. I made tons of excuses and justifications, did lots of short quits to “prove” I could quit anytime, and was in control of my drinking.
I didn’t have a “dimmer”, just an on/off.
I’ve seen that sad, worried look in my wife’s eye, missed too many good night hugs from my little girl. Drinking was the one thing keeping my good life from being great, and it endangered what I had.
So I decided to be better, and better begins with sober. I vowed to say “no” to the drink that matters…the first drink. When I say “no” to the first, there can’t be a second or third or eighth. When I say “no”, I win, 100% of the time.
Decide to be better and then be better. Keep getting better at getting better each and every day.
Welcome, many here share the same story, myself included. I lived for quite some time by the mantra, “if you want to drink all day, you gotta start in the morning”. Aside from some health issues that arose from that lifestyle, I also saw the same look from my family with my view of it from a hospital bed. Twice. So with that look burned into my memory forever and the fear of my 2 boys being fatherless I made the same vow. Next month I’ll celebrate 1 year sober, it’s been challenging at times, extremely difficult other times and immensely rewarding many, many times.
I am also one who doesn’t do AA but I read a lot of books, blogs, history and stories, all related to alcoholism. It helps. What else has been extremely helpful is my time spent on these pages. The good people I’ve been acquainted with on talking sober have all shared so much of themselves that it has become important to me to continue the journey here without failure for everyone’s benefit. Kind of to say, they’ve done it, I can too and if I can do it so can you.
You can do this, we can help. Visit often.
Stay strong. Stay the course. All the best to you in your journey…
Thanks for sharing your story. Very heartfelt and true. Happy you choose to be sober and sounds like me you got the right mindset to do this. Welcome to this forum and this group of very helpful folks who know.
For me meetings face to face with people who understood what i was going through helped no blogs or books when i got sober only the big book, but i wish you well on your journey
