My use began at an early age…I was 11 the first time I got drunk and abused inhalents for the first time…by the age of 15 crack,meth marijuana alchohol and spray paint were among the list of substances I used,spray paint being the most common habit,then I was arrested for my second felony and sent to treatment. After successfully completeing the program I got out and started dabbling in acid cocaine and ecstasy,found myself bordering real homelessness and unmanageability had become apparent…I wasn’t just a kid who had fallen in with the wrong crowd anymore.i was the wrong crowd. After hitting a bottom I felt like I needed to do something with my life and here’s where looking back makes me laugh…I decided to quit on my own and that I was strong enough to do it without anyone…about a month later cold turkey turned into a marijuana maintenance program…lol…a little weed never hurt anyone right haha…anyway I was still self centered but now I had a drug I could use that didn’t burn bridges so fast…I started to work out and had some decent results…the problem was that I was an ugly duckling and now that I had grown into someone who looked like a man I was far from it…i started to get more attention from women but didn’t know how to handle it…I somehow managed to get into a love triangle between two women…I’d follow one into the bar and the other into the bedroom…wanting one more then the other and adding alchohol to the mix trouble was brewing…one got pregnant…I felt like it was a sign from God lol… I married that girl and remained married to her until a hydrocodone habit led me back to crack and I found the world around me burned to the ground…many amends I still have to make to this day…anyway I had another kid in that marriage but because I had that emptiness inside I had continued to try and fill it…i soon found myself 600 miles away after my 6 year marriage ended homeless beginning to stick needles in my arm…this lasted two years…wake up,fix so I’m not sick,hustle for another fix,eat,hustle,fix,eat sleep repeat…day in day out til I fought a minor felony charge and was sent to another treatment center inside corrections…this time I would have it licked…all I needed was some time to get my head right right?Nope…a month after I got out I started using again…heroin until my supply ran out and then I found meth iv…followed by a year of insanity and complete demoralization I became convinced there wasn’t a single drug I could use successfully…between my mid twenties up until the end of my use suicide had become a valid option in my life and it was one I was willing to take several times…psych wards jails and hospital trips were normal to me…this was what my life had come to…I even got put on Ssdi and I was pretty sure the only reason they gave it to me was because I had had so many attempts that I’d probably die before they paid out too much…I mean the government was following me right???Lmao…yes I was absolutely fucking insane…but more because I was an addict then anything else…so I had met a girl in a psych ward who would later invite me to a town where the recovery community is pretty strong…I still live here…she helped me move into a sober house…of course having no real hope I didn’t expect things to last…for the first month I wasn’t really willing…then due to requirements of my living situation I had to find a sponsor…I asked around and came across one guy who talked with me a bit…I told him my experience with the program and he flat out said I had never given this thing a chance…I walked around angry about that for a week and somehow asked that same guy to sponsor me…he took me thru the work…I didn’t feel like I was doing it right but I guess that’s normal for anyone who has never been thru the steps…by the third step I decided that whatever this guy told me I was gonna do it…when I put pen to paper I knew something was different…I had started putting action into recovery and I had never been there before…I also decided to be brutally honest and that was scary…I continued with the work taking all the unexpected turns I never knew were hidden in the steps like identifying how my character defects were rooted in fear and coming to grips with how much fear I lived in…how become ingrained vulnerable with others opens a door to bonding and fellowship etc etc…learning how hope turns to faith and faith to trust…the list goes on and on…so it’s almost eleven months later and life can still be a rollercoaster but I haven’t had to pick up…I am now carrying the message and working with a couple sponsees…I still go back to the basic suggestions that we are all given when we got here because they work…I hold a svc position and now I have a foundation in recovery…most of all I learned how to love myself and practice self acceptance(I am not the saint or the sinner in ky head)I’m just a human being who has and does make some good and bad choices…most of all I realized I am not a psychic and the world doesn’t hate me…this is the freedom I have gotten!i discovered the world really isn’t all that bad a place!
3 Likes
@Don_Cocan…WOW!! What an awesome story and a truly sincere testimony of how this program of recovery really works! Congrats on 11 months!! Thanks so much for sharing your story!! Stay strong, stay sober, stay connected! 
1 Like
Thank you for sharing your story man. That is an inspiration! It gives me hope. Glad your here in recovery! Thank you!
2 Likes
@Don_Cocan that has to be the best experience, strength, and hope story I have read in a long time. Thank you so much for sharing.
1 Like