Hi Livvy, I’m so sorry to hear about your loss. My wife and I have been through lost pregnancies and it. is. heartbreaking.
But drinking will not help. It will not. (In fact, it will make everything worse.) You have to feel this emotion, fully, sober. (Edit to add: you are grieving. This is grief, it is heartbreaking, but it is part of being human, and it is natural and normal for you now.)
You know the expression “happiness shared is double happiness; sorrow shared is half sorrow”? That is true here. Find a group, and share your story. Share your pain. You will find what you need.
Of course there is us here at TS. There are also hundreds of recovery groups, in dozens of different approaches and styles:
Resources for our recovery
It doesn’t really matter which type of group you choose, and you can experiment with different ones (every group feels different). What they all have in common is they connect you with people who understand going through pain, alone, and choosing instead to be sober, together.