Bottle of bubbly consumed, done, Fini! I opened it, and recycled it. Drank diet 7up.
Talking Sober is my sober community. My immediate family knows I’m not drinking. But to them I’m on a break. I have no friends where I live. Acquaintances, kids parents who are friendly. No close friends at all. My mom is my friend, she lives close by. All my other close friends live thousands of miles away… except one guy I went to high school with who is just another party buddy, and a terrible influence for me at the moment. No one knows the severity of my drinking, and no one knows that I’m attempting to sober up for good.
Unfortunately my recovery is as hidden as my alcohol abuse was. I’m on my own. Talking Sober is my community.
I love being sober but I still fantasize about drinking from time to time like a high school crush. I feel more emotionally distant from the crush these days. The talons don’t penetrate the flesh as much as they used to. This is good. I still don’t believe I’m going to stay this way for ever.
Made it through daughters birthday. Not difficult since there were no adult beverages, but I did have a moment of opportunity when picking up pizza right next door to a liquor store to buy booze. I wasn’t really tempted, just this flirt of a feeling. I got through it. I’m sober. Zeroing in on 2 weeks.
3 weeks sober. I love being sober. I’m not even thinking about alcohol at this point.
I am worried about some future social engagements with old friends. One day at a time.
I am alcohol free. Mocktail city for me. I keep coming up with stories to tell my friends. I’m a raging alcoholic and can’t drink anymore is not one of them.
I have met my quota for this lifetime.
It turns out, I don’t need alcohol to be happy, who knew!?
I’m on a path of health so I can be a better human. Replace human with father, husband, business owner, mentor and role model to my students.
Alcohol owned me, I didn’t like it, I showed it the door.
I’m in my car, Filled with groceries, binge eating bakery contraband from Whole Foods before I go home. It’s better than drinking.
Yesterday my neighbor brought me a four pack of IPA from one of my favorite breweries. He doesn’t know I’m not drinking. I put it in the fridge, it’s my wife’s now.
My wife, wanted to split a beer with me yesterday, I said no I can’t. The moment passed.
I’m just not drinking. She doesn’t know why or for how long. I suppose this is unfair to her. I don’t know what I’m doing.
She doesn’t drink enough for my abstinence to really bother her that often. Only when we have friends visiting or we are visiting friends will it seem awkward that I am sober.
All of our friends and family drink with one exception. My brother who has been sober for three years, we think… He was a heavy cocaine user, drinker and a pathological liar since childhood. Tough to believe anything that comes out of his mouth. I love him anyway.
I don’t know what I’m doing. All I know is I can’t drink.
It feels a lot like I’m re-branding myself to all my friends and family. It’s a strange thing.
You’re doing amazing. Thanks for keeping your updates coming. I’m on day 20 and today is tough, but reading your words about having difficult thoughts and pushing through and staying sober are helping me do the same. Keep it up!
Wow. Do you maybe think this has anything to do with this:
?
Your brother is three years sober yet you don’t open up to him and seek his companionship and maybe advice, but reference his active addiction. He seems to have gotten a pretty bad rep in his using days that still clings to him some three years later… Well, with this example in front of my eyes, that would also make me doubt whether I should come out to anyone as an alchoholic in recovery.
Who’s judging him so harshly? You? The family? Cos whoever it is, seems likely to me you fear judgement from the same party and don’t want to be condemned.
You are doing well with your sober days but you’re not working on your sobriety. You’re whiteknuckling it and while you can stay sober like this, it’ll always be a struggle. As it is now for you. Are you going to AA or reading a lot on recovery? It’s important to work on the reasons why you drank, what life is like now, what makes you wanna drink now and most of all where all this secrecy comes from! Give yourself a fighting chance and examine the reality of your life. And integrate your sobriety into this life. Your wife offering your drinks is endangering your sobriety! Not having accountability to anyone is likewise. They say nothing changes if nothing changes and it seems to me you are keeping everything the same. Except the very secret fact you’re not drinking. But you want to embrace really transformative, deep change, that’s what you need my friend. It’ll come over time, but you don’t want to turn it down. Otherwise you’ll go back to your old ways.