Good for you Maggie. One day at a time & you’ll get there 
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Hi Maggie, I’m sorry to hear your struggle. I have been an alcoholic for 13 years ( 16 months sober now ) and how I got sober was by finding my love for skateboarding again. Around age 16 is when I started drinking and stopped skateboarding. Now I’m 29 and what I have found from skateboarding again was how much of an amazing exercise it is not only for the body but also for the mind.
The exercise of pushing through pain or fatigue or fear to accomplish a goal in skateboarding has really helped me in my journey through sobriety.
I found that when I accomplished something in skateboarding I didn’t have as strong of an urge to drink.
And that the feeling of accomplishment could be found in other areas of my life if I applied the same mental fortitude to push through uncomfortable situations to achieve my goals.
Try setting a goal for yourself that you could use to occupy your mind once those demons start to creep in.
Once you start seeing some success in achieving your goals the urge to drink will fade you’ll see!
WORK HARD ON THAT GOAL AND DON’T GIVE UP!!!
God bless!
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Surrender!.. That’s what happened to me too…the gift of desperation… I surrendered to the fact I was addicted to alcohol and got on every meeting I could, paced the house while going through withdrawals, ate small amounts of food, smoked cigarettes, cleaned the house,drank lots of water and it helped with detoxing… Deep breathing to go through the anxiety…
I have done mostly online meetings and went to all the women’s meetings cos they are pretty powerful for me… found a sponsor pretty quickly cos I did not wanna drink anymore… I gave up!. I surrendered… and the help and support was there… but it’s 2 way…
…you can do it lady 
… come through the other side… 
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I went to AA and drank before and after meetings, too. Did that for a good 4 years or so. What it did for me is that it gave me the knowledge about alcoholism, and the comfort to return there when I was ready to fully commit.
Like @Thirdmonkey , I needed more than AA alone to get sober. I used disulfiram (Antabuse in the States, not sure what label they have in Scotland for it), individual and group counseling. And the protection and care of the court and corrections systems. All that might make my story different from yours but certainly not unique.
Nothing worked until I was willing to do anything to not take a drink. The hardest thing I ever did was not drink for one day, then another. I had to focus on just the one day, and I would remind myself that I was asleep for 8 hours, not drinking at work for 8 hours, traveling for an hour or so, and going to some sort of recovery program (AA or counseling) for another two hours. So I had only 24-8-8-1-2=5 hours a day to manage my cravings on my own. Five hours split up through the day, that I could focus on and achieve.
Blessings on you and your house as you begin your sobriety.
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Thanks for the reply thats was a good insight, i thought i could control it ,i suppose thats what ive been doing over the last 9 months, detox (at home tho nhs)aa meetings but i thought i could correct my drinking, ive realized that i will never be able to control it ,it has control of me ,if i let it ,i just need to not pick up that first drink and i will stay in control, how easy or hard thats going to be im not sure ,but ive learned the hardway i need to get my life in order i dont want this to be were my story ends im hoping for a new beginning
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One thing I picked up along the way was to change the talking I do to myself.
“I just need to not pick up that first drink” can become “I am not drinking today”, “I need to get my life in order” can become “I am directing my life on the path of my choosing and today I choose good, I choose kind, I choose sober”.
Moving from a position of recognizing deficiencies to a position of acting in a positive manner is huge! Manifest sobriety and strength and it will come to you.
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What has helped me is coming to the understanding that I had to change absolutley everything in my life. The way I spoke, thought, processed situations, took care of myself and my relationships with others. I am reading a lot of blaming things for not working in your posts but the common factor in them all is you. We can continue to redirect our shitty lives outward and it will continue to fail… you need to be brave enough to look inward and keep ahold of that gaze.
I wish you all the best, don’t give up on yourself and don’t give up on the fact your relationship with your child can get better because it can. Once I stopped using my mouth so much and started putting action into play my relationship with my child got better.
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Hi @Macy2020
I’m not sure if this is the right suggestion or not but I’m UK too so understand well about lack of services. You mentioned anxiety few times. Have you been prescribed anything? I am on 20mg citalopram anti depressant not for alcohol related reasons but it has definitely helped both my anxiety and my sobriety journey so far. I’m almost 2 months AF.
I take mine in the evening even though they say to take it morning. It helped me take the edge off any evening cravings and thoughts in the first month and helped anxious thoughts. I almost forget to take it these days which shows I’m over the worst of it but will still take it for now as don’t want any major changes during my first year of sobriety.
Hugs Maggie you can do this x
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Thanks for the suggestion ive been there done that same drug last one was fluxitine i decided to come of pharmaceuticals and try a more natural route ,waiting on them getting delivered i will post if there any good so anyone else whos struggling can try them ,thanks for the hug ,need it
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You are more powerful and mentally strong then you know. I was a heavy drinker for 17 years but now I’m nearly at 10 months no booze. It took me 5 years of failed attempts but you only give up when you die and we ain’t dead 
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Look into wim hof
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I’m glad you have a plan it’s the first step.
You sound a little like me at the beginning of January. I never used to post on this forum but I also never made it past 20 days before. This time I make sure to check in daily even if just to answer other people’s posts it helps me stay on track.
Do you have any new distraction hobbies while your on the journey? For me I am trying to get into exercise as have weight to lose too (lots) I have lost some and it does help me stay focused but likely will need other distractions as time goes on.
Just something that you enjoy that might help keep the anxiety at bay?
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Im walking the dogs i have around 3 stone to shift yeah i have a few plans ,its been good to get in touch with you i will check in daily we seem to be on a simular path ,good luck to you too ,your name ?
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I’m on the same medication and dosage. I’m supposed to take it at night though.?
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@Macy2020 sounds good there is a weight loss thread on here too which is great. Willow is my name feel free to chat or DM me anytime.
@Babbs4 my doctor advised to take it mornings as it can effect sleep. I have been on it a while now though it doesn’t effect my sleep and I choose to take it around 7pm to help with any addiction thoughts. It just takes the edge off even though it isn’t the purpose of it. Just do what works for you.
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I just think it’s odd that they prescribe same med for different times! Lol. I never knew it could affect sleep! That explains alot!
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How was your day Maggie? Or I guess your yesterday - it’s evening here in Canada so it will be morning soon in Scotland 
Hi i was on a 12 hr shift yesterday so that took up most of my day off today but ive got plans for a meal with my sister and a film after ,im feeling more positive still only getting about 5 hrs of sleep at night broken but i can deal with that what im worried about is when i start to feel better and that wee thought creeps back in again ,i just hope im strong ,but i actually think my thinking has changed this time ,i know im a alcoholic now ,im not kidding myself i can control it ,of course i dont want to be one but ive accepted i am ,i look back and see over my life i think i have abit of a addictive personality when i start on something (normally bad for me )it takes over my life ,i need to learn to recognise when that is happening and nip it in the bud before it starts ,never seems to happen with the gym that was a chore but anything that buzzed that brain and im off lol ,anyway how was your day ,hows things over in Canada
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Hi Maggie, you’re on to something here! Us alkies (saying this endearingly, I know you’ve only just started to accept, forgive my bluntness haha) went for the short term buzz and artificially induced happiness, while things that support, nourish, strengthen and relax us properly could not compete and so fell away. You’ll find that in recovery you can attune yourself again to the natural feelings of joy and gladness and happiness that your body and mind produce, without altering them artificially, short-circuiting the system. Invest in yourself, time, energy and resources, and sooner than you think you might find that the right things start to have a strong pull for you as well. Be that exercise, healthy eating, reading, healthy friendships…
I wish it may be so for you, certainly has for me!
Where in Scotland you based, dear? I have family connections there and I adore Scotland, been many many times. 
Lots of love and have a nice day with your film and meal date! 
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Nice insight ,its true tho the morevi look at myself the more i see ive never been really content with myself ,abusing substances has always been a kind of relief for me ,i find it hard to find contentment always bored never at ease ,but im learning alot about myself well im trying its early days ,but i think im learning i need to go to the root of the problem and deal with that ,im from Hamilton its a town id say 8 mile from Glasgow, its ok bit dreary at the moment, hopefully have a nice summer get my dogs out keep myself busy get motivated put my plans in action
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