So for those of you or don’t know or don’t remember my story a quick recap.
I’m a revoverying drug addict/alcoholic. I’m a domestic violence survivor. I struggle with PTSD and MDD and general anxiety. I checked outta here for awhile for personal reasons at 100 days.
Now the update:
I’m 266 days clean and sober. Life has been… Chaotic…
I got FULL custody of my girls. They are back home with me… The 2 older are in school and doing GREAT! My youngest isn’t in school yet. Still no progress on the divorce or the assault charges but apparently my abuser is still at it. Cops have been calling me trying to find him asking me to ID I’m from surveilance images. Its been an exhausting journey. But I’m still going. I have recently started attending AA/NA and am seriously seeking a sponsor. Preferably not local. Still working the same job. And getting overtime most weeks. All things considered I’m doing fine. And blessed beyond measure… But I’m really struggling with my “trauma bond” and “trauma responses”
But i was able to share my picturea and expose my scars. Apparently that is considered progress.
It sounds like you and I come from similar situations. I have fallen off the wagon numerous times though, using alcohol as a crutch for my PTSD/anxiety/depression. I have made it 11 nights thus far, which isn’t that long. The longest I made it was almost 6 months, and I just keep trying to remind myself of how much happier and healthier I was then. Determined to get there again.
I do have triggers for my PTSD that I am starting to recognize as my triggers for drinking. Loud noises or just my kids screaming at each other when they’re being kids. It takes me back to an emotional state of living with him then I get angry and lash out, then feel guilty for getting angry, then want to drink because I’m “just stressed.”
I’m working on getting to a place where he doesn’t still have that control over me and where alcohol doesn’t have that control over me as a crutch or coping mechanism.
Nice to see you checking in Kayla.
Congratulations on you 266 days.
It must be great to have your girls back.
I pray God will put that right person in the right place at the right time to sponsor you.
Really good to see you doing well.
I completely understand. I hate when I react to my children behaving like children. But I know i do it alot less and alot less severely when I’m clean and sober. I’m around if you need someone to chat will feel free to reach out any time.
I appreciate that and extend the offer to you as well. It’s good to have someone to talk to that knows the same struggles, especially when it comes to DV and past abuse issues.
Glad to see you DeadMist. Always appreciate your constructive approach.
Don’t give up. It’s hard, it’s hard, but keep pushing forward one day at a time and you will get there. (You’re already seeing fruits to your labours!)
I have 14 years and it is always stop breathe pray act. If I can remember to do that things seem less of a boogy man I had the practice and still practice today. Thank you for your honesty. luck and keep the practice of reaching out from the program and calling somebody you don’t know and just watch how much it takes the focus off my problems and out of self . Take care and keep coming back.
