I had a job interview yesterday and I’ve been constantly thinking about it. I don’t know if I did enough. I don’t know if I was too vulnerable with them. Maybe I’m not what they’re looking for. I didn’t get to say the things I wanted, the stuff I’d been rehearsing in my head, and sometimes they were picking at my answers or rubbing their head and I assumed it’s coz they didn’t like me. I’m in this horrible toxic spiral since yesterday and I just want to stop being this way. I’m 636 days sober. I should have a hang of life by now and more control over myself. I’ve seen psychologists, I read so many self help books, I studied counselling FFS!! but I still feel broken in some way. I just want to be able to take things in stride and not care so much about everything.
My way to go about it… Mantra
“I gave what I had to give, if it’s enough it is okay if not it is also okay cause I gave all I had to give at that moment”
Omg!!! Give yourself a break! Job interviews are always stressful and I can assure you, any good human resource interviewer will do exactly what you mentioned. I was a HR director who hired hundreds of people in my career. You probably did great. And 636 days sober is a wonder accomplishment. Be very proud of yourself! Sounds to me that you are caring about the right things because you got yourself sober! If you get the job…great, if you don’t get the job it absolutely does not mean they didn’t like you. It would only mean someone else had a little more experience. Keep caring, be very proud and stay sober!
This means a lot 
Thank you. I’ve been repeating it to myself and it’s helping
I’m sure you did better than you think. If nothing else you can think of it as getting experience at interviewing.
When it comes to projecting (both backwards and forwards), I’ve found that going to AA and keeping everything a day at a time has allowed me to be more present and reducing anxiety. A thorough practicing of the 12 steps is helpful for way more than just my drinking problem. I’ve been through therapy, counseling and medication, and all were beneficial, but nothing has improved my overall life more than AA.
I have yet to find an AA that suited me. I couldn’t find my age group but I guess it doesn’t really matter what age we all are
That’s true
Could I ask you a question? As I don’t have a mentor or anyone that could help me out.
I found out that the company got references from my old managers. I spoke to both and one said it was great and the other one said it was negative. It sounds like the one who felt it was negative was rude and saracastic towards the hiring manager (who is my potential manager). She was impatient with the entire reference checking process and even felt the role isn’t what I think it is. I’m taking her words with a grain of salt and will see if I get an offer. I just want to know, as someone who’s hired people before, what’s the impact of my old manager being rude to my potential new manager? Does it have a reflection on me? What would you have thought if you had experienced that from my referee who’s my old manager?
No, her attitude will not be a reflection on you. If anything it will show you know how to deal with difficult people. Just never ever put down a past boss. Since they bothered to call your references, shows you did well during the interview! Good luck!
As someone who regularly hires (and occasionally fires), the behaviour of your ex-manager is 99% a reflection of him/her.
I ALWAYS take a view that the person sat in front of me is being evaluated for my company, my team, my culture and not that of the ex-manager.
All I want to know from the ex-manager is that the candidate hasn’t done anything illegal or something that I wouldn’t agree with (bullying, harassment etc).
Anything over and above that I would view as unnecessary, as I will make up my own mind.
And I agree that the fact that they went to references meant you did ok in the interview.
Chin up!
Thank you!! I love this space and I appreciate the time you took to reply to me 
Thank you! That’s a relief. thank you for replying to me, I really appreciate it 
Also that what they have on their CV is legitimate, that they actually worked for that company etc. I have had some jobs where all they will give as reference is confirm your employment dates and job title.