Hi everyone. New to this so i will try my best to tell my story. Ive been struggling with alcohol addiction for a while and its been an ongoing battle with relapses throughout the years. I had a good run in the start of the year with sobriety. I got married in march to someone i was with for almost 2 years prior. A couple months later i lost my job of 10+ years. It was very disappointing but my wife told what any husband would want to hear. That we would get through it, that she was there for me. At the time I felt that support and took on the challenge to get a new job. But it was not long after where the toxic relationship we had going through our time in our relationship took a toll on me. There were many red flags that i ignored about jealousy. She had trust issues and validation issues that she couldnt put to the side while i was struggling to find work. After about a month when i lost my job I decided to leave. In addition to what i mentioned there were a lot me underlying issues that i do not wish to share. I just felt like the relationship was not healthy for me and i felt we wouldnt be able to grow togther.
Since then, i have been looking for a job, which is now a couple months and im getting restless. I was trying to find something in my profession and have not had luck. Ive had interviews but its been tough. Ive had my wife call me to reconcile but I dont see a healthy future with her. Earlier this week i relapse because i felt it was too much. I have 2 days fully sober. Im making an appointment with a therapist because ive been having a tough time coping with this. Its been an ongoing battle with myself with coping with stress and im trying my best to finally fix something that i have set to the side for a very long time. Currently at the moment im feeling hopeless and ashamed. Just trying to find some inspiration to move forward.