Just a check in... from the Fury... update

Emotional Support
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Hey guys sorry I been on the quiet end of things, but I’ll fill you in.

First and foremost, I lost my housing, long story of the short, I was planning on moving out I gave my notice and had something lined up, the house Powers that be insisted I was off and I needed to go inpatient at a psychiatric ward, even though 3 psychiatrists said no I do not, they listed me as a relapse, so that I am barred for 30 days, I’m crashing a room for now, next stop I don’t know.

Im sorry that I haven’t been updating my story, part 4 I started. But haven’t kept on it., the first few parts gave me horrid nightmares and I couldn’t shake them, so I would start a notepad thing and been adding pieces here and there,

But those who were hoping for a happy ending, truth be told there is none, the people I care and love, always end up leaving in the end, there is only me a false idol loved by many, but will never get anything more than false hope,

I got 300 and some days change sobriety, I don’t have the desire to drink, cause it’s just another road to Nowhere, but the day count I can give a fuck about, it’s not a big deal to me,

Next stop I don’t know, I broke the chains of that toxic living environment, anywhere but Nova will be nice, the world is my oyster, I just need to accept reality, that I’m stuck in my own prison for the remainder of this life.

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Hey my friend. Glad to see ya check in. Hang in there. Remember feelings aren’t facts. Everything that happens is for a reason. You are not stuck. You don’t have to be. Let yourself free. :blush::yellow_heart:

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All so very true. We are in the opposite of our own prison. We have the freedom of choice. We literally are gifted with free will :pray::innocent::tada:

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Good to see ya Chris. Sounds like a bit of a rough patch to say the least. So sorry your having a hard time. But it’s great that you are still sober. Certainly is a road to nowhere.
Hang in there buddy.
I’ll pray for ya. :pray:t2:
Hope to see you around.
:pray:t2::heart:

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I’m so glad you’re out that house. Such a toxic environment is not healthy for anyone. Getting closer to 1 year of sobriety is a big deal my friend and I’m so very proud of you :blue_heart:

Working on sobriety and your personal issues will change you as a person. As you you change you’re going to attract different kind of people into your life. The kind of people who can see what an amazing man you are and who are able to face life without running.

Hope in its essence is not depended on how hopeful you’re feeling on a given day. It is something that is greater than us bc His mercy is new every day.

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I appreciate your thoughts and concerns ladies and gents,

But I feel as if I’m in purgatory, I was slotted to head south last year before I went to rehab, had a job lined up and everything, I worked things out with my kids mom to make sure the boys didn’t get screwed on the deal. Was looking up, I but I was still a boozehound.

My ex wanted to “work on things” but wanted me to get help, I chose to go to Va instead and entered rehab, transitional housing here. From day 1, the house I went to was a bad idea, I had a job lined up I wasn’t allowed to take it, took me months to find another with continuous ridicule about finding work, burying myself in debt in the meantime, My one friend there with me relapsed and then I was cornered and alone. This day has been coming for a long time, but I had a plan, things were really looking up and boom crashing down to earth again,

I keep thinking to myself about the one line in The Green Mile,

I’m tired Boss,

I am tired, tired of trying and failing, tired of trying to find something that doesn’t exist, but if you believe it can it will? Not likely,

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Fury my friend, feeling the feels hard for you. One thing about you is that you never pause when you need to ride through these shit storms. One year sober…man, what a ride that has been, damn proud of you.

Sorry all hearts and rainbows about my next comment when you are feeling low, but I am kind of excited to see where this next ride takes you, because my friend, even when things look like they may be falling apart, they are actually weaving a new thread for you to grab onto.

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I don’t know what to say honestly. What I think is that it is good to get your feelings / thoughts out. Here or elsewhere. To write things down helps me to sort them and get some insights or maybe relieve for a start.
It seems incredibly complicated your situation. I am sure other days, brighter, lighter, will come. You gave so much to the community, you are here welcome to get something back.
One day at a time. Try to stay here, talking. :pray:

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You’d been drinking and drugging for such a long time before you got sober that it’s gonna take time to build a different kind of life. When you change inwardly, also outward things start changing. I’m joining in with Maggie here saying that an ending is a new beginning. Please don’t bury yourself and your future in past failures.

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What’s the best way to see the stars? When you’re lying on your back :heart: You can do this. Keep your chin up and continue moving forward.

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I’m sorry you feel like there is nothing good that will happen in your life. But good things already have…300+ days sober and you are out of a toxic environment. So, good things will happen for you. I really hope that for you.

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If you belive it can, it will. It so very much will :pray: we do sometimes get tired of getting knocked down and repeating the process of getting up again… But thats what life is… Its the process you have to be excited about… Its the process you have to love… There is so much possibilities out there for you… You just have to want to live your life again. And that life can so absolutely amazing…just look up :pray:

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Dude I’ve thought of you a few times, you were gone for a bit and I was like fuck I hope he’s okay. I know its hard to stay positive when life keeps kicking you when you’re down but man you’re so much better to succeed this time, you’re sober and it gives you the ability to see straight and perform the task at hand.

I know sometimes the light is hard to see especially everything you’ve been through, but you’re worth it dude, you’re a good man and you have a good heart. I believe in you and I’m positive many others in this group do too

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Since many have asked, I’ll provide an update.

I’m still alive, obviously :roll_eyes:. I was offered to stay with a friend, but that went sideways real fast, so I’m crashing a hotel room for a bit, I went back to the toxic environment to get my belongings out, was told what to do about correcting the situation there, I’m working on that now, not for a resentment or “get you back thing” more of i don’t want anyone else to go thru what I have, so more of a solution.
I also didn’t fight bicker and complain, I held my head high and wished them the best.

I been doing a lot of soul searching and digging down deep, and thinking about a lot of things, like what direction is my life going in? I been like a dart without feathers as of recent, just kinda winging it as it comes, I have not been successful, it works short times but in the long term it’s a like a firecracker, oooo ahhh then fizzles into ash.

My best approach right now is focus on making as much money as possible I am working on picking up a 2nd and 3rd job. Pay off debts, get myself settled with a better housing environment, I was with my therapist the other day and he said to me “dude your a master auto tech” you make mad money in a shop, use it as a catalyst to catapult you to where you want to be. So I’m exploring that option, and he’s right, I make upwards of 30/hr in a shop. I am not a fan of wrenching for a job, but I can use it to reach my career goals. A few of you know I been talking with someone and that took off, both similar goals life wants etc. well that took a back seat, but that’s ok. If she wants to be part of my life, there’s a seat available, if not my old girlfriend Ashley’s advice when I was in counseling with my now ex, “learn from my mistakes, don’t give up, you’ll wish you’ll haven’t later”

But I was really taken back, after I left therapy, I get an email from a dealer who scouted my resume, from the area I want to move, offered 3k signing and a relocation package. I talked to them and said I just need time. To get myself together, was told to save his number and get in contact when I’m ready. So I’m going to use a dealer here as a bargaining chip, if I set the precedent of a certain amount of money, and can show it, I have something to make them match.

That sounds super arrogant and greedy I know. But for too damn long I sold myself short, I took the easy path, I always stopped advocating for myself, and in the end it made me alone miserable and broke.

I also decided once I’m ready financially I’m done with roommates, I want my own damn pad again, this way if I want to eat Cheetos naked in a bean bag chair, who’s to say I can’t? If I want to swipe right on Tinder, I can, also if I lose it, it’s my own damn fault, no roommates or subleasing to say I have to leave.

A local band reached out to me, to do lead work with them, well the girls name is Angel, don’t know the rest Of the band yet, kinda prog rock stuff, not my gig but yano worth checking into.

As a newly founded Christian, I am going to my first CR meeting hopefully this Friday, the leader was really cool when I zoomed with him, and we discussed me maybe playing with their band, but yeah I gotta get there first.

Let me be the first to say I fucking hate NoVa, sorry Yoda-Stevie, but I might’ve well make the best of it while I’m stuck here to plan my next gig

Peace :v: y’all

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