“The most effective means of achieving self-acceptance is through applying the Twelve Steps of recovery.”
IP No. 19, Self-Acceptance
Most of us came to Narcotics Anonymous without much self-acceptance. We looked at the havoc we had wreaked in our active addiction, and we loathed ourselves. We had difficulty accepting our past and the self-image produced by it.
Self-acceptance comes more quickly when we first accept that we have a disease called addiction , because it’s easier to accept ourselves as sick people than as bad people. And the easier it is to accept ourselves, the easier it becomes to accept responsibility for ourselves.
We achieve self-acceptance through the process of ongoing recovery. Working the Twelve Steps of Narcotics Anonymous teaches us to accept ourselves and our lives. Spiritual principles like surrender, honesty, faith, and humility help relieve us of the burden of our past mistakes. Our attitude changes with the application of these principles in our daily lives. Self-acceptance grows as we grow in recovery.
Just for today:Self-acceptance is a process set in motion by the Twelve Steps. Today, I will trust the process, practice the steps, and learn to better accept myself.
“We want to look our past in the face, see it for what it really was, and release it so we can live today.”
Basic Text, p. 29
Many of us had trouble identifying our resentments when we were new in recovery. There we sat with our Fourth Step in front of us, thinking and thinking, finally deciding that we just didn’t have any resentments. Perhaps we talked ourselves into believing that we weren’t so sick after all.
Such unwitting denial of our resentments stems from the conditioning of our addiction. Most of our feelings were buried, and buried deep. After some time in recovery, a new sense of understanding develops. Our most deeply buried feelings begin to surface, and those resentments we thought we didn’t have suddenly emerge.
As we examine these resentments, we may feel tempted to hold onto some of them, especially if we think they are “justified.” But what we need to remember is that “justified” resentments are just as burdensome as any other resentment.
As our awareness of our liabilities grows, so does our responsibility to let go. We no longer need to hang on to our resentments. We want to rid ourselves of what’s undesirable and set ourselves free to recover.
Just for today:When I discover a resentment, I’ll see it for what it is and let it go.
“We can also use the steps to improve our attitudes. Our best thinking got us into trouble. We recognize the need for change.”
Basic Text, p. 55
When new in recovery, most of us had at least one person we just couldn’t stand. We thought that person was the rudest, most obnoxious person in the program. We knew there was something we could do, some principle of recovery we could practice to get over the way we felt about this person—but what? We asked our sponsor for guidance. We were probably assured, with an amused smile, that if we just kept coming back, we’d see the person get better. That made sense to us. We believed that the steps of NA worked in the lives of everyone. If they could work for us, they could work for this horrible person, too.
Time passed, and at some point we noticed that the person didn’t seem as rude or obnoxious as before. In fact, he or she had become downright tolerable, maybe even likeable. We got a pleasant jolt as we realized who had really gotten better. Because we had kept coming back, because we had kept working the steps, our perception of this person had changed. The person who’d plagued us had become “tolerable” because we’d developed some tolerance; he or she had become “likeable” because we’d developed the ability to love.
So who really gets better? We do! As we practice the program, we gain a whole new outlook on those around us by gaining a new outlook on ourselves.
Just for today:As I get better, so will others. Today, I will practice tolerance and try to love those I meet.
“Living just for today relieves the burden of the past and the fear of the future. We learned to take whatever actions are necessary and to leave the results in the hands of our Higher Power.”
Basic Text, p. 94
In our active addiction, fear of the future and what might happen was a reality for many of us. What if we got arrested? lost our job? our spouse died? we went bankrupt? and on, and on, and on. It was not unusual for us to spend hours, even whole days thinking about what might happen. We played out entire conversations and scenarios before they ever occurred, then charted our course on the basis of “what if…” By doing this, we set ourselves up for disappointment after disappointment.
From listening in meetings, we learn that living in the present, not the world of “what if,” is the only way to short-circuit our self-fulfilling prophecies of doom and gloom. We can only deal with what is real today, not our fearful fantasies of the future.
Coming to believe that our Higher Power has only the best in store for us is one way we can combat that fear. We hear in meetings that our Higher Power won’t give us more than we can handle in one day. And we know from experience that, if we ask, the God we’ve come to understand will surely care for us. We stay clean through adverse situations by practicing our faith in the care of a Power greater than ourselves. Each time we do, we become less fearful of “what if” and more comfortable with what is.
Just for today:I will look forward to the future with faith in my Higher Power
“Ongoing recovery is dependent on our relationship with a loving God who cares for us and will do for us what we find impossible to do for ourselves.”
Basic Text, p. 99
How often have we heard it said in meetings that “God does for us what we cannot do for ourselves”? At times we may get stuck in our recovery, unable, afraid, or unwilling to make the decisions we know we must make to move forward. Perhaps we are unable to end a relationship that just isn’t working. Maybe our job has become a source of too much conflict. Or perhaps we feel we need to find a new sponsor but are afraid to begin the search. Through the grace of our Higher Power, unexpected change may occur in precisely the area we felt unable to alter.
We sometimes allow ourselves to become stuck in the problem instead of moving forward toward the solution. At these times, we often find that our Higher Power does for us what we cannot do for ourselves. Perhaps our partner decides to end our relationship. We may get fired or laid off. Or our sponsor tells us that he or she can no longer work with us, forcing us to look for a new one.
Sometimes what occurs in our lives can be frightening, as change often seems. But we also hear that “God never closes a door without opening another one.” As we move forward with faith, the strength of our Higher Power is never far from us. Our recovery is strengthened by these changes.
Just for today:I trust that the God of my understanding will do for me what I cannot do for myself.
“Being involved in service makes me feel worthwhile.”
When most of us arrived in Narcotics Anonymous, we had very little self-worth left to salvage. Many members say that they began to develop self-esteem through being of service early in their recovery. Something just short of a miracle occurs when we begin to have a positive impact on others’ lives through our service efforts.
Most of us don’t have a lot of experience, strength, or hope to share at thirty days clean. In fact, some members will tell us in no uncertain terms that what we can do best is listen. But at thirty days, we do offer something to that addict just coming into the rooms of NA, struggling to get twenty-four hours clean. The very newest NA member, the one with only the desire to stop using and none of the tools, can hardly imagine anyone staying clean for a year, or two years, or ten. But he or she can relate to those people with thirty days clean, picking up a keytag with a look of pride and disbelief emblazoned on their faces.
Service is something that is our unique gift—something that no one can take away from us. We give, and we get. Through service, many of us start on the sometimes long road back to becoming productive members of society.
Just for today:I will be grateful for the opportunity to be of service.
“There is one thing more than anything else that will defeat us in our recovery; this is an attitude of indifference or intolerance toward spiritual principles.”
Basic Text, p. 18
When we first came to NA, many of us had great difficulty accepting the spiritual principles underlying this program—and for good reason. No matter how we’d tried to control our addiction, we’d found ourselves powerless. We grew angry and frustrated with anyone who suggested there was hope for us, because we knew better. Spiritual ideas may have had some bearing on other peoples’ lives, but not on ours.
Despite our indifference or intolerance toward spiritual principles, we were drawn to Narcotics Anonymous. There, we met other addicts. They’d been where we’d been, powerless and hopeless, yet they’d found a way not only to stop using but to live and enjoy life clean. They spoke of the spiritual principles that had pointed the way for them to this new life of recovery. For them, these principles were not just theories but a part of their practical experience. Yes, we had good reason to be skeptical, but these spiritual principles spoken of by other NA members really seemed to work.
Once we admitted this, we didn’t necessarily accept every single spiritual idea we heard. But we did start to think that, if these principles had worked for others, just mayb e they’d work for us, too. For a beginning, that willingness was enough.
Just for today:Just maybe the spiritual principles I hear spoken of in NA might work for me. I am willing, at least, to open my mind to the possibility.
“My gratitude speaks when I care and when I share with others the NA way.”
Gratitude Prayer
The longer we stay clean, the more we experience feelings of gratitude for our recovery. These feelings of gratitude aren’t limited to particular gifts like new friends or the ability to be employed. More frequently, they arise from the overall sense of joy we feel in our new lives. These feelings are enhanced by our certainty of the course our lives would have taken if it weren’t for the miracle we’ve experienced in Narcotics Anonymous.
These feelings are so all-encompassing, so wondrous, and sometimes so overwhelming that we often can’t find words for them. We sometimes openly weep with happiness while sharing in a meeting, yet we grope for words to express what we are feeling. We want so badly to convey to newcomers the gratitude we feel, but it seems that our language lacks the superlatives to describe it.
When we share with tears in our eyes, when we choke up and can’t talk at all—these are the times when our gratitude speaks most clearly. We share our gratitude directly from our hearts; with their hearts, others hear and understand. Our gratitude speaks eloquently, though our words may not.
Just for today:My gratitude has a voice of its own; when it speaks, the heart understands. Today, I will share my gratitude with others, whether I can find the words or not.
“Each group has but one primary purpose—to carry the message to the addict who still suffers.”
Tradition Five
Our home group means a lot to us. After all, where would we be without our favorite NA meeting? Our group sometimes sponsors picnics or other activities. Often, home group members get together to see a movie or go bowling. We have all made good friendships through our home group, and we wouldn’t trade that warmth for the world.
But sometimes we must take inventory of what our group is doing to fulfill its primary purpose—to carry the message to the still-suffering addict. Sometimes when we go to our meetings, we know almost everyone and get caught up in the laughter and fun. But what about the newcomer? Have we remembered to reach out to the new people who may be sitting by themselves, lonely and frightened? Do we remember to welcome those visiting our group?
The love found in the rooms of Narcotics Anonymous helps us recover from addiction. But once we have gotten clean, we must remember to give to others what was so freely given to us. We need to reach out to the addict who still suffers. After all, “the newcomer is the most important person at any meeting.”
Just for today:I’m grateful for the warm fellowship I’ve found in my home group. I will reach out my hand to the still-suffering addict, offering that same fellowship to others.
“…I was ready to go to any lengths to stay clean.”
Basic Text, p. 132
“Any lengths?” newcomers ask. “What do you mean, any lengths?” Looking back at our active addiction and the lengths we were willing to go to in order to stay high can help to explain. Were we willing to drive many miles to get drugs? Yes, we usually were. Then it makes sense that, if we are as concerned about staying clean as we were about using, we will try anything to find a ride to a meeting.
In our addiction, didn’t we often do crazy, insane things or use unknown substances at the direction of others? Then why do we often find it so hard to take direction in recovery, especially when the direction is designed to help us grow? And when we used, didn’t we often, in desperation, turn to our Higher Power, saying, “Please, just get me out of this one!” Then why do we find it so hard to ask for God’s help in our recovery?
When we used, we usually had an open mind when it came to finding ways and means to get more drugs. If we can apply this same principle of open-mindedness to our recovery, we may surprise ourselves by how easily we begin to grasp the NA program. Our best thinking, it is often said, got us into the rooms of Narcotics Anonymous. If we are willing to go to any lengths, follow directions, and stay open-minded, we can stay clean.
Just for today:I am willing to go to any lengths to stay clean. I will become as open-minded and ready to take direction as I need to be.
“In time, we can relax and enjoy the atmosphere of recovery.”
Basic Text, p. 56
Imagine what would happen if a newcomer walked into one of our meetings and was met by a group of grim-faced people gripping the arms of their chairs with white knuckles. That newcomer would probably bolt, perhaps muttering, “I thought I could get off drugs and be happy.”
Thankfully, our newcomers are usually met by a group of friendly, smiling folks who are obviously fairly content with the lives they’ve found in Narcotics Anonymous. What an enormous amount of hope this provides! A newcomer, whose life has been deadly serious, is strongly attracted by an atmosphere of laughter and relaxation. Coming from a place where everything is taken seriously, where disaster always waits around the next corner, it’s a welcome relief to enter a room and find people who generally don’t take themselves too seriously, who are ready for something wonderful.
We learn to lighten up in recovery. We laugh at the absurdity of our addiction. Our meetings—those rooms filled with the lively, happy sounds of percolating coffee, clattering chairs, and laughing addicts—are the gathering places where we first welcome our newcomers and let them know that, yes, we’re having fun now.
Just for today:I can laugh at myself. I can take a joke. I will lighten up and have some fun today.
“We have learned that it is okay to not know all the answers, for then we are teachable and can learn to live our new life successfully.”
Basic Text, p. 96
In a way, addiction is a great teacher. And if addiction teaches us nothing else, it will teach us humility. We hear it said that it took our very best thinking to get to NA. Now that we’re here, we’re here to learn.
The NA Fellowship is a wonderful learning environment for the recovering addict. We aren’t made to feel stupid at meetings. Instead, we find others who’ve been exactly where we’ve been and who’ve found a way out. All we have to do is admit that we don’t have all the answers, then listen as others share what’s worked for them.
As recovering addicts and as human beings, we have much to learn. Other addicts—and other humans—have much to teach us about what works and what doesn’t. As long as we remain teachable, we can take advantage of the experience of others.
Just for today:I will admit that I don’t have all the answers. I will look and listen to the experience of others for the answers I need.
"We sit down with a notebook, ask for guidance, pick up our pen, and start writing."
Basic Text, p. 30
When we’re confused or in pain, our sponsor sometimes tells us to “write about it.” Though we may groan as we drag out the notebook, we know that it will help. By laying it all out on paper, we give ourselves the chance to sort through what’s bothering us. We know we can get to the bottom of our confusion and find out what is really causing our pain when we put the pen to the paper.
Writing can be rewarding, especially when working through the steps. Many members maintain a daily journal. Simply thinking about the steps, pondering their meaning, and analyzing their effect is not sufficient for most of us. There’s something about the physical action of writing that helps to fix the principles of recovery in our minds and hearts.
The rewards we find through the simple action of writing are many. Clarity of thought, keys to locked places inside of us, and the voice of conscience are but a few. Writing helps us be more honest with ourselves. We sit down, quiet our thoughts, and listen to our hearts. What we hear in the stillness are the truths that we put down on paper.
Just for today:One of the ways I can search for truth in recovery is to write. I will write about my recovery today.
“We… get a good look at what these defects are doing to our lives. We begin to long for freedom from these defects.”
Basic Text, p. 34
Becoming entirely ready to have our defects of character removed can be a long process, often taking place over the course of a lifetime. Our state of readiness grows in direct proportion to our awareness of these defects and the destruction they cause.
We may have trouble seeing the devastation our defects are inflicting on our lives and the lives of those around us. If this is the case, we would do well to ask our Higher Power to reveal those flaws which stand in the way of our progress.
As we let go of our shortcomings and find their influence waning, we’ll notice that a loving God replaces those defects with quality attributes. Where we were fearful, we find courage. Where we were selfish, we find generosity. Our delusions about ourselves will disappear to be replaced by self-honesty and self-acceptance.
Yes, becoming entirely ready means we will change. Each new level of readiness brings new gifts. Our basic nature changes, and we soon find our readiness is no longer sparked only by pain but by a desire to grow spiritually.
Just for today:I will increase my state of readiness by becoming more aware of my shortcomings.
“A lot of our chief concerns and major difficulties come from our inexperience with living without drugs. Often when we ask an oldtimer what to do, we are amazed at the simplicity of the answer.”
Basic Text, p. 43
Finding balance in recovery is quite a bit like sitting down with a set of scales and a pile of sand. The goal is to have an equal amount of sand on each side of the scales, achieving a balance of weight.
We do the same thing in recovery. We sit down with the foundation of our clean time and the Twelve Steps, then attempt to add employment, household responsibilities, friends, sponsees, relationships, meetings, and service in equal weights so that the scales balance. Our first try may throw our personal scales out of kilter. We may find that, because of our over-involvement in service, we have upset our employer or our family. But when we try to correct this problem by resigning from NA service altogether, the other side of the scales go out of balance.
We can ask for help from members who have stabilized their scales. These people are easy to recognize. They appear serene, composed, and self-assured. They’ll smile in recognition at our dilemma and share how they slowed down, added only a few grains of sand at a time to either side of the scales, and were rewarded with balance in recovery.
Just for today:I seek balance in my life. Today, I will ask others to share their experience in finding that balance.
“For meditation to be of value, the results must show in our daily lives.”
Basic Text, p. 47
In working our program, we are given many indirect indications of a Higher Power’s presence in our lives: the clean feeling that comes to so many of us in taking our Fifth Step; the sense that we are finally on the right track when we make amends; the satisfaction we get from helping another addict. Meditation, however, occasionally brings us extraordinary indications of God’s presence in our lives. These experiences do not mean we have become perfect or that we are “cured.” They are tastes given us of the source of our recovery itself, reminding us of the true nature of the thing we are pursuing in Narcotics Anonymous and encouraging us to continue walking our spiritual path.
Such experiences demonstrate, in no uncertain terms, that we have tapped a Power far greater than our own. But how do we incorporate that extraordinary Power into our ordinary lives? Our NA friends, our sponsor, and others in our communities may be more seasoned in spiritual matters than we are. If we ask, they can help us fit our spiritual experiences into the natural pattern of recovery and spiritual growth.
Just for today:I will seek whatever answers I may need to understand my spiritual experiences and incorporate them into my daily life.
“The progression of recovery is a continuous uphill journey.”
Basic Text, p. 83
The longer we stay clean, the steeper and narrower our path seems to become. But God doesn’t give us more than we can handle. No matter how difficult the road becomes, no matter how narrow, how winding the turns, there is hope. That hope lies in our spiritual progression.
If we keep showing up at meetings and staying clean, life gets… well, different. The continual search for answers to life’s ups and downs can lead us to question all aspects of our lives. Life isn’t always pleasant. This is when we must turn to our Higher Power with even more faith. Sometimes all we can do is hold on tight, believing that things will get better.
In time, our faith will produce understanding. We will begin to see the “bigger picture” of our lives. As our relationship with our Higher Power unfolds and deepens, acceptance becomes almost second-nature. No matter what happens as we walk through recovery, we rely on our faith in a loving Higher Power and continue onward.
Just for today:I accept that I don’t have all the answers to life’s questions. Nonetheless, I will have faith in the God of my understanding and continue on the journey of recovery.
“Insanity is repeating the same mistakes and expecting different results.”
Basic Text, p. 23
Mistakes! We all know how it feels to make them. Many of us feel that our entire lives have been a mistake. We often regard our mistakes with shame or guilt—at the very least, with frustration and impatience. We tend to see mistakes as evidence that we are still sick, crazy, stupid, or too damaged to recover.
In truth, mistakes are a very vital and important part of being human. For particularly stubborn people (such as addicts), mistakes are often our best teachers. There is no shame in making mistakes. In fact, making new mistakes often shows our willingness to take risks and grow.
It’s helpful, though, if we learn from our mistakes; repeating the same ones may be a sign that we’re stuck. And expecting different results from the same old mistakes—well, that’s what we call “insanity.” It just doesn’t work.
Just for today:Mistakes aren’t tragedies. But please, Higher Power, help me learn from them!
“God’s will for us becomes our own true will for ourselves.”
Basic Text, p. 48
The Twelve Steps are a path to spiritual awakening. This awakening takes the form of a developing relationship with a loving Higher Power. Each succeeding step strengthens that relationship. As we continue to work the steps, the relationship grows, becoming ever more important in our lives.
In the course of working the steps, we make a personal decision to allow a loving Higher Power to direct us. That guidance is always available; we need only the patience to seek it. Often, that guidance manifests itself in the inner wisdom we call our conscience.
When we open our hearts wide enough to sense our Higher Power’s guidance, we feel a calm serenity. This peace is the beacon that guides us through our troubled feelings, providing clear direction when our minds are busy and confused. When we seek and follow God’s will in our lives, we find the contentment and joy that often elude us when we strike out on our own. Fear or doubt may plague us when we attempt to carry out our Higher Power’s will, but we’ve learned to trust the moment of clarity. Our greatest happiness lies in following the will of our loving God.
Just for today:I will seek to strengthen my relationship with my Higher Power. I know from experience that knowledge of my Higher Power’s will provides a sense of clarity, direction, and peace.
“We were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.”
Step Six
After taking the Fifth Step, many of us spend some time considering “the exact nature of our wrongs” and the part they’d played in making us who we were. What would our lives be like without, say, our arrogance?
Sure, arrogance had kept us apart from our fellows, preventing us from enjoying and learning from them. But arrogance had also served us well, propping up our ego in the face of critically low self-esteem. What advantage would be gained if our arrogance were removed, and what support would we be left with?
With arrogance gone, we would be one step closer to being restored to our proper place among others. We would become capable of appreciating their company and their wisdom and their challenges as their equals. Our support and guidance would come, if we chose, from the care offered us by our Higher Power; “low self-esteem” would cease to be an issue.
One by one, we examined our character defects this way, and found them all defective—after all, that’s why they’re called defects. And were we entirely ready to have God remove all of them? Yes.
Just for today:I will thoroughly consider all my defects of character to discover whether I am ready to have the God of my understanding remove them.
