“Just for today, I will have faith in someone in NA who believes in me and wants to help me in my recovery.”
Basic Text, p. 100
Not all of us arrive in NA and automatically stay clean. But if we keep coming back, we find in Narcotics Anonymous the support we need for our recovery. Staying clean is easier when we have someone who believes in us even when we don’t believe in ourselves.
Even the most frequent relapser in NA usually has one staunch supporter who is always there, no matter what. It is imperative that we find that one person or group of people who believes in us. When we ask them if we will ever get clean, they will always reply, “Yes, you can and you will. Just keep coming back!”
We all need someone who believes in us, especially when we can’t believe in ourselves. When we relapse, we undermine our already shattered self-confidence, sometimes so badly that we begin to feel utterly hopeless. At such times, we need the support of our loyal NA friends. They tell us that this can be our last relapse. They know from experience that if we keep coming to meetings, we will eventually get clean and stay clean.
It’s hard for many of us to believe in ourselves. But when someone loves us unconditionally, offering support no matter how many times we’ve relapsed, recovery in NA becomes a little more real for us.
Just for today:I will find someone who believes in me. I will believe in them.
“This program offers hope. All you have to bring with you is the desire to stop using and the willingness to try this new way of life.”
IP No. 16, For the Newcomer
From time to time we wonder if we’re “doing it right” in Narcotics Anonymous. Are we attending enough meetings? Are we using our sponsor, or working the steps, or speaking, or reading, or living the “right” way? We value the fellowship of recovering addicts—we don’t know what we’d do without it. What if the way we’re practicing our program is “wrong”? Does that make us “bad” NA members?
We can settle our insecurities by reviewing our Third Tradition, which assures us that “the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop using.” There aren’t any rules that say we’ve got to attend this many meetings or these particular meetings, or work the steps this way at this pace, or live our lives to suit these people in order to remain NA members in good standing.
It’s true that, if we want the kind of recovery we see in members we respect, we’ll want to practice the kind of program that’s made their recovery possible. But NA is a fellowship of freedom; we work the program the best way for us, not for someone else. The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop using.
Just for today:I will look at the program I’m working in light of my own recovery. I will practice that program to the best of my ability.
“Lost dreams awaken and new possibilities arise.”
Basic Text, p. 91
Most of us had dreams when we were young. Whether we dreamed of a dynamic career, a large and loving family, or travels abroad, our dreams died when our addiction took hold. Anything we ever wanted for ourselves was cast away in our pursuit of drugs. Our dreams didn’t go beyond the next drug and the euphoria we hoped it would bring.
Now in recovery, we find a reason to hope that our lost dreams could still come true. No matter how old we are, how much our addiction has taken from us, or how unlikely it may seem, our freedom from active addiction gives us the freedom to pursue our ambitions. We may discover that we’re very talented at something, or find a hobby we love, or learn that continuing our education can bring remarkable rewards.
We used to put most of our energy into spinning excuses and rationalizations for our failures. Today, we go forward and make use of the many opportunities life presents to us. We may be amazed at what we’re capable of. With our foundation of recovery, success, fulfillment, and satisfaction are within our reach at last.
Just for today:Starting today, I’ll do whatever I can to realize my dreams.
“When we finally get our own selfish motives out of the way, we begin to find a peace that we never imagined possible.”
Basic Text, p. 45
As we examine our beliefs, our actions, and our motives in recovery, we’ll find that sometimes we do things for the wrong reasons. In our early recovery, we may have spent a great deal of money and time on people, wanting only for them to like us. Later on, we may find that we still spend money on people, but our motives have changed. We do it because we like them. Or perhaps we used to get romantically involved because we felt hollow inside and were seeking fulfillment through another person. Now our reasons for romantic involvement are based in a desire to share our already rewarding lives with an equal partner. Maybe we used to work the steps because we were afraid we’d relapse if we didn’t. Today we work the steps because we want to grow spiritually.
We have a new purpose in life today, and our changing motives reflect that. We have so much more to offer than our neediness and insecurities. We have developed a wholesomeness of spirit and a peace of mind that moves our recovery into a new realm. We extend our love and share our recovery with complete generosity, and the difference we make is the legacy we leave to those who have yet to join us.
Just for today:In recovery, my motives have changed. I want to do things for the right reason, not just for my personal benefit. Today, I will examine my motives.
“As we recover, we gain a new outlook on being clean… Life can become a new adventure for us.”
Basic Text, p. 91
The using life is not a clean one—no one knows this better than we do. Some of us lived in physical squalor, caring neither for our surroundings nor ourselves. Worse, though, than any external filth was the way most of us felt inside. The things we did to get our drugs, the way we treated other people, and the way we treated ourselves had us feeling dirty. Many of us recall waking too many mornings just wishing that, for once, we could feel clean about ourselves and our lives.
Today, we have a chance to feel clean by living clean. For us addicts, living clean starts with not using—after all, that’s our primary use for the word “clean” in Narcotics Anonymous. But as we stay “clean” and work the Twelve Steps, we discover another kind of clean. It’s the clean that comes from admitting the truth about our addiction rather than hiding or denying our disease. It’s the freshness that comes from owning up to our wrongs and making amends for them. It’s the vitality that comes from the new set of values we develop as we seek a Higher Power’s will for us. When we practice the principles of our program in all our affairs, we have no reason to feel dirty about our lives or our lifestyles—we’re living clean, and are grateful to be doing so at last. “Clean living” used to be just for the “squares.” Today, living clean is the only way we’d have it.
Just for today:I feel clean because I’m living clean—and that’s the way I want to keep it.
By the time we reached the end of our road, many of us had lost all hope for a life without the use of drugs. We believed we were destined to die from our disease. What an inspiration it was, then, coming to our first meeting and seeing a room full of addicts who were staying clean! A clean addict is, indeed, a vision of hope.
Today, we give that same hope to others. The newcomers see the joyful light in our eyes, notice how we carry ourselves, listen to us speak in meetings, and often want what we have found. They believe in us until they learn to believe in themselves.
Newcomers hear us carry a message of hope to them. They tend to see us through “rose-colored glasses.” They don’t always recognize our struggle with a particular character defect or our difficulties with improving our conscious contact with our Higher Power. It takes them time to realize that we, the “oldtimers” with three or six or ten years clean, often place personalities before principles or suffer from some other unsightly character defects.
Yes, the newcomer sometimes places us on a pedestal. It is good, though, to openly admit the nature of our struggles in recovery for, in time, the newcomer will be walking through those same trials. And that newcomer will remember that others walked through that difficulty and stayed clean.
Just for today:I will remember that I am a beacon to all who follow in my path, a vision of hope.
“The program works a miracle in our lives… We become free to live.”
Basic Text, p. 11
Most of us—if we’ve been in recovery for any length of time at all—have heard some member complaining in a meeting about being terribly overworked, too busy for meetings or sponsorship or other activities. In fact, we may have been the complaining member. The days seem so full: job, family and friends, meetings, activities, sponsorship, step work. “There just aren’t enough hours in the day,” the member complains, “to get everything done and meet everyone’s demands on my time!”
When this happens, usually there’s soft laughter from some of the other members—probably members who had planned to grumble about the same sort of thing. The laughter stems from our recognition that we are complaining about the miracle of the life that is ours today. Not so long ago, few of us were capable of having any of these “problems” in our life. We devoted all of our energy to maintaining our active addiction. Today we have full lives, complete with all the feelings and problems that go with living in reality.
Just for today:I will remember that my life is a miracle. Instead of resenting how busy I am, I will be thankful my life is so full.
“If we maintain our spiritual condition daily, we find it easier to deal with the pain and confusion.”
Basic Text, p. 95
When we first began searching for a Power greater than ourselves, many of us got stuck in old beliefs or ideas. These ranged from the fear of a punishing or vengeful God to no belief at all. Some of us felt we had done such terrible things that a loving Power would never have anything to do ith us. Others were convinced that the “bad” things that happened to us would not have occurred if a loving Power had actually existed. It took time, effort, open-mindedness, and faith to acquire a working belief in a loving Higher Power that would guide us through life’s challenges.
Even after we come to believe in a Power greater than ourselves, our old ideas can come back to haunt us. Major setbacks in our lives and the insecurity such events can trigger may give rise to the return of our old, inadequate ideas about God. When this happens, we need to assure ourselves that our Higher Power has not abandoned us but is waiting to help us make it through the hard times in our recovery. No matter how painful our loss may be, we will survive our setback and continue to grow if we maintain the faith our program has given us.
Just for today:I have worked hard to build my faith in a loving, caring Higher Power that will guide me through life’s challenges. Today, I will trust that Power.
“Many of us cling to our fears, doubts, self-loathing, or hatred because there is a certain distorted security in familiar pain. It seems safer to embrace what we know than to let go of it for the unknown.”
Basic Text, p. 34
We have often heard it said that “when the pain of remaining the same becomes greater than the pain of changing, we will change.” Our fear can keep us from growing, afraid to end relationships, change careers, attend new meetings, begin new friendships, or attempt anything out of the ordinary. We stay in situations that are no longer working far longer than we have to simply because what is familiar feels safer than the unknown.
Any change involves overcoming fear. “What if I’m alone forever?” we might think if we consider leaving our lover. “What if I find out I’m incompetent?” we may wonder when we contemplate changing careers. We may balk at attending new meetings because we will have to reach out. Our minds manufacture a hundred excuses for remaining right where we are, afraid to try something new.
We find that most of our pain comes not from change but from resistance to change. In NA, we learn that change is how we move forward in our lives. New friends, new relationships, new interests and challenges will replace the old. With these new things in our lives, we find new joys and loves.
Just for today:I will release the old, embrace the new, and grow.
“Indirect amends may be necessary where direct ones would be unsafe or endanger other people.”
Basic Text, p. 41
When we used, we allowed nothing to stand in the way of that next high. As a result, many of us didn’t always know precisely whom we had injured, either financially or emotionally. When it came time to make amends through our Ninth Step, we found that there were so many people we had victimized that we might never remember them all.
With the help of our sponsor and other recovering members of NA, we found a solution to this obstacle. We vowed to complete these nameless amends by making restitution to our communities. We focused our service efforts on helping the still-suffering addict. In this manner, we found a way to give back to society.
Today, with the love and guidance of members in NA, we are giving back to the world around us rather than taking. We are making our communities better places to live by carrying the message of recovery to those we encounter in our daily lives.
Just for today:I will make indirect amends by reaching out to an addict who may need help. I will strive in some small way to make my community a better place in which to live.
“For some, prayer is asking for God’s help; meditation is listening for God’s answer… Quieting the mind through meditation brings an inner peace that brings us into contact with the God within us.”
Basic Text, pp. 46-47
“Be patient when you’re learning to meditate,” many of us were told. “It takes practice to know what to ‘listen’ for.”
We’re glad someone told us that, or many of us would have quit after a week or two of meditating. For the first few weeks, we may have sat each morning, stilled our thoughts, and “listened,” just as the Basic Text said—but “heard” nothing. It may have taken a few more weeks before anything really happened. Even then, what happened was often barely noticeable. We were rising from our morning meditations feeling just a little better about our lives, a little more empathy for those we encountered during the day, and a little more in touch with our Higher Power.
For most of us, there was nothing dramatic in that awareness—no bolts of lightning or claps of thunder. Instead, it was something quietly powerful. We were taking time to get our egos and our ideas out of the way. In that clear space, we were improving our conscious contact with the source of our daily recovery, the God of our understanding. Meditation was new, and it took time and practice. But, like all the steps, it worked—when we worked it.
Just for today:I will practice “listening” for knowledge of God’s will for me, even if I don’t know what to “listen” for yet.
“We have been experts at self-deception and rationalization.”*
Basic Text, p. 28
When we come to our first meeting and hear that we must be honest, we may think, “Well now, that shouldn’t be too difficult. All I have to do is stop lying.” To some of us, this comes easily. We no longer have to lie to our employers about our absence from work. We no longer have to lie to our families about where we were the night before. By not using drugs anymore, we find we have less to lie about. Some of us may have difficulty even with this kind of honesty, but at least learning not to lie is simple—you just don’t do it, no matter what. With courage, determined practice, the support of our fellow NA members, and the help of our Higher Power, most of us eventually succeed at this kind of honesty.
Honesty, though, means more than just not lying. The kind of honesty that is truly indispensable in recovery is self-honesty, which is neither easy nor simple to achieve. In our addiction, we created a storm of self-deception and rationalization, a whirlwind of lies in which the small, quiet voice of self-honesty could not be heard. To become honest with ourselves, we first must stop lying to ourselves. In our Eleventh Step meditations, we must become quiet. Then, in the resulting stillness, we must listen for truth. When we become silent, self-honesty will be there for us to find.
Just for today:I will be quiet and still, listening for the voice of truth within myself. I will honor the truth I find.
“In our recovery, we find it essential to accept reality. Once we can do this, we do not find it necessary to use drugs in an attempt to change our perceptions.
Basic Text, p. 90
Drugs used to buffer us from the full force of life. When we stop using drugs and enter recovery, we find ourselves confronted directly with life. We may experience disappointment, frustration, or anger. Events may not happen the way we want them to. The self-centeredness we cultivated in our addiction has distorted our perceptions of life; it is difficult to let go of our expectations and accept life as it is.
We learn to accept our lives by working the Twelve Steps of Narcotics Anonymous. We discover how to change our attitudes and let go of character defects. We no longer need to distort the truth or to run from situations. The more we practice the spiritual principles contained in the steps, the easier it becomes to accept life exactly as it comes to us.
Just for today:I will practice self-acceptance by practicing the Twelve Steps.
“We didn’t stumble into this fellowship brimming with love, honesty, open-mindedness, or willingness… When we were beaten, we became willing.”
Basic Text, p. 20
Surrender may be the necessary foundation for recovery, but sometimes we fight it. Most of us look back after some clean time and wonder why on earth we fought so hard to deny our powerlessness when surrender is what finally saved our lives.
As we recover, new opportunities to surrender present themselves. We can either struggle with everyone and everything we encounter or we can recall the benefits of our first surrender and stop fighting.
Most of the pain we experience comes from fighting, not surrendering. In fact, when we surrender, the pain ends and hope takes its place. We begin to believe that all will be well and, after some time, realize that our lives are much better as a result. We feel the same way we did when we gave up the illusion that we could control our using—relieved, free, and filled with fresh hope.
Just for today:Is there a surrender I need to make today? I will remember my first surrender and remind myself that I don’t need to fight anymore.
“…ever reminding us to place principles before personalities.”
Tradition Twelve
Sometimes it’s hard to accept others’ character defects. As we recover together, we not only listen to others talk in meetings, we also watch how they walk through their recovery. The more we get to know other members, the more we become aware of how they live their lives. We may form opinions about how they “work their program.” We may find that certain members upset us, or we may even hear ourselves say, “If I worked their program, I would surely use.”
We have found tolerance to be a principle that strengthens not only our own recovery but also our relationships with individuals who are a source of irritation to us. It becomes easier to accept other members’ frailties when we remember that we ourselves rarely turn over our own character defects until we become painfully aware of them.
Just for today:I will strive to accept others as they are. I will try not to judge others. I will focus on the principles of love and acceptance.
“The process of coming to believe restores us to sanity. The strength to move into action comes from this belief.”
Basic Text, p. 25
Coming to believe is a process that stems from personal experience. Each of us has this experience; all addicts who find recovery in NA have solid evidence of a benevolent Power acting for good in their lives. Those of us who are recovering today, after all, are the fortunate ones. Many, many addicts die from our disease, never to experience what we have found in Narcotics Anonymous.
The process of coming to believe involves a willingness to recognize miracles for what they are. We share the miracle of being here clean, and each of us has other miracles that await only our acknowledgment. How many car accidents or overdoses or other near-catastrophes have we survived? Can we look back at our lives and see that we were not just “lucky”? Our experience in recovery, too, gives us examples of a Higher Power working for our good.
When we can look back at the evidence of a loving Higher Power acting on our behalf, it becomes possible to trust that this Higher Power will continue to help us in the future. And trust offers us the strength to move forward.
Just for today:My recovery is more than coincidence. My strength comes from the knowledge that my Higher Power has never let me down and will continue to guide me
“Our fears are lessened and faith begins to grow as we learn the true meaning of surrender. We are no longer fighting fear, anger, guilt, self-pity, or depression.”
Basic Text, p. 27
Surrender is the beginning of a new way of life. When driven primarily by self-will, we constantly wondered whether we’d covered all the bases, whether we’d manipulated that person in just the right way to achieve our ends, whether we’d missed a critical detail in our efforts to control and manage the world. We either felt afraid, fearing our schemes would fail; angry or self-pitying when they fell through; or guilty when we pulled them off. It was hard, living on self-will, but we didn’t know any other way.
Not that surrender is always easy. On the contrary, surrender can be difficult, especially in the beginning. Still, it’s easier to trust God, a Power capable of managing our lives, than to trust only ourselves, whose lives are unmanageable. And the more we surrender, the easier it gets.
When we turn our will and our lives over to the care of our Higher Power, all we have to do is our part, as responsibly and conscientiously as we can. Then we can leave the results up to our Higher Power. By surrendering, acting on faith, and living our lives according to the simple spiritual principles of this program, we can stop worrying and start living.
Just for today:I will surrender self-will. I will seek knowledge of God’s will for me and the power to carry it out. I will leave the results in my Higher Power’s hands.
“When someone points out a shortcoming, our first reaction may be defensive. There will always be room for growth.”
Basic Text, p. 36
Recovery is a process that brings about change in our lives. We need that change if we are to continue our growth toward freedom. It’s important that we remain open-minded when others point out our shortcomings, for they are bringing to light opportunities for us to change and grow. Reacting defensively limits our ability to receive the help they are offering us; letting go of our defenses opens the door to change, growth, and new freedom.
Each day in the recovery process will bring an opportunity for further change and growth. The more we learn to greet change with an open mind and heart, the more we will grow and the more comfortable we will become with our recovery.
Just for today:I will greet each opportunity for growth with an open mind.
“Complacency is the enemy of members with substantial clean time. If we remain complacent for long, the recovery process ceases.”
Basic Text, p. 84
After the first couple of years in recovery, most of us start to feel like there are no more big deals. If we’ve been diligent in working the steps, the past is largely resolved and we have a solid foundation on which to build our future. We’ve learned to take life pretty much as it comes. Familiarity with the steps allows us to resolve problems almost as quickly as they arise.
Once we discover this level of comfort, we may tend to treat it as a “rest stop” on the recovery path. Doing so, however, discounts the nature of our disease. Addiction is patient, subtle, progressive, and incurable. It’s also fatal—we can die from this disease, unless we continue to treat it. And the treatment for addiction is a vital, ongoing program of recovery.
The Twelve Steps are a process, a path we take to stay a step ahead of our disease. Meetings, sponsorship, service, and the steps always remain essential to ongoing recovery. Though we may practice our program somewhat differently with five years clean than with five months, this doesn’t mean the program has changed or become less important, only that our practical understanding has changed and grown. To keep our recovery fresh and vital, we need to stay alert for opportunities to practice our program.
Just for today:As I keep growing in my recovery, I will search for new ways to practice my program.
“Our newly found faith serves as a firm foundation for courage in the future.”
Basic Text, p. 96
The foundation of our lives is what the rest of our lives is built upon. When we were using, that foundation affected everything we did. When we decided that recovery was important, that’s where we began to put our energy. As a result, our whole lives changed. In order to maintain those new lives, we must maintain the foundation of those lives: our recovery program.
As we stay clean and our lifestyles change, our priorities will also change. Work and school may become important because they improve the quality of our lives. And new relationships may bring excitement and mutual support. But we need to remember that our recovery program is the foundation upon which our new lives are built. Each day, we must renew our commitment to recovery, maintaining that as our top priority.
Just for today:I want to continue enjoying the life I’ve found in recovery. Today, I will take steps to maintain my foundation.
