“For us, recovery is more than just pleasure.”
Basic Text, p. 43
In our active addiction, most of us knew exactly how we were going to feel from one day to the next. All we had to do was read the label on the bottle or know what was in the bag. We planned our feelings, and our goal for each day was to feel good.
In recovery, we’re liable to feel anything from one day to the next, even from one minute to the next. We may feel energetic and happy in the morning, then strangely let down and sad in the afternoon. Because we no longer plan our feelings for the day each morning, we could end up having feelings that are somewhat inconvenient, like feeling tired in the morning and wide-awake at bedtime.
Of course, there’s always the possibility we could feel good, but that isn’t the point. Today, our main concern is not feeling good but learning to understand and deal with our feelings, no matter what they are. We do this by working the steps and sharing our feelings with others.
Just for today:I will accept my feelings, whatever they may be, just as they are. I will practice the program and learn to live with my feelings.
“We are grateful that we were made so welcome at meetings that we felt comfortable.”
Basic Text, p. 83
Remember how scared we were when we walked into our first NA meeting? Even if we walked in with a friend, most of us recall how difficult it was to attend that first meeting. What was it that kept us coming back? Most of us have grateful memories of the welcome we were given and how comfortable that made us feel. When we raised our hand as a newcomer, we opened the door for other members to approach us and welcome us.
Sometimes the difference between those addicts who walk back out the door of their first meeting, never to return to NA, and the addicts who stay to seek recovery is the simple hug of an NA member. When we have been clean awhile, it’s easy to step back from the procession of newcomers—after all, we’ve seen so many people come and go. But members with some clean time can make the difference between the addict who doesn’t return and the addict who keeps coming back. By offering our phone numbers, a hug, or just a warm welcome, we extend the hand of Narcotics Anonymous to the addict who still suffers.
Just for today:I remember the welcome I was given when I first came to NA. Today, I will express my gratitude by offering a hug to a newcomer.
“We had convinced ourselves that we could make it alone and proceeded to live life on that basis. The results were disastrous and, in the end, each of us had to admit that self-sufficiency was a lie.”
Basic Text, p. 62
“I can’t, but we can.” This simple but profound truth applies initially to our first need as NA members: Together, we can stay clean, but when we isolate ourselves, we’re in bad company. To recover, we need the support of other addicts.
Self-sufficiency impedes more than just our ability to stay clean. With or without drugs, living on self-will inevitably leads to disaster. We depend on other people for everything from goods and services to love and companionship, yet self-will puts us in constant conflict with those very people. To live a fulfilling life, we need harmony with others.
Other addicts and others in our communities are not the only ones we depend on. Power is not a human attribute, yet we need power to live. We find it in a Power greater than ourselves which provides the guidance and strength we lack on our own. When we pretend to be self-sufficient, we isolate ourselves from the one source of power sufficient to effectively guide us through life: our Higher Power.
Self-sufficiency doesn’t work. We need other addicts; we need other people; and, to live fully, we need a Power greater than our own.
Just for today:I will seek the support of other recovering addicts; harmony with others in my community; and the care of my Higher Power. I can’t, but we can.
“When we accept ourselves, we can accept others into our lives, unconditionally, probably for the first time.”
IP No. 19, Self-Acceptance
From our earliest memories, many of us felt like we never belonged. No matter how big the gathering, we always felt apart from the crowd. We had a hard time “fitting in.” Deep down, we believed that if we really let others get to know us, they would reject us. Perhaps our addiction began to germinate in this climate of self-centeredness.
Many of us hid the pain of our alienation with an attitude of defiance. In effect, we told the world, “You don’t need me? Well, I don’t need any of you, either. I’ve got my drugs and I can take care of myself!” The further our addiction progressed, the higher the walls we built around ourselves.
Those walls begin to fall when we start finding acceptance from other recovering addicts. With this acceptance from others, we begin to learn the important principle of *self-*acceptance. And when we start to accept ourselves, we can allow others to take part in our lives without fear of rejection.
Just for today:I am accepted in NA; I fit in. Today, it’s safe to start letting others into my life.
“In recovery, our ideas of fun change.”
Basic Text, p. 107
In retrospect, many of us realize that when we used, our ideas of fun were rather bizarre. Some of us would get dressed up and head for the local club. We would dance, drink, and do other drugs until the sun rose. On more than one occasion, gun battles broke out. What we then called fun, we now call insanity.
Today, our notion of fun has changed. Fun to us today is a walk along the ocean, watching the dolphins frolic as the sun sets behind them. Fun is going to an NA picnic, or attending the comedy show at an NA convention. Fun is getting dressed up to go to the banquet and not worrying about any gun battles breaking out over who did what to whom.
Through the grace of a Higher Power and the Fellowship of Narcotics Anonymous, our ideas of fun have changed radically. Today when we are up to see the sun rise, it’s usually because we went to bed early the night before, not because we left a club at six in the morning, eyes bleary from a night of drug use. And if that’s all we have received from Narcotics Anonymous, that would be enough.
“We have become very grateful in the course of our recovery… We have a disease, but we do recover.”
Basic Text, p. 8
Active addiction was no picnic; many of us barely came out of it alive. But ranting against the disease, lamenting what it has done to us, pitying ourselves for the condition it has left us in—these things can only keep us locked in the spirit of bitterness and resentment. The path to freedom and spiritual growth begins where bitterness ends, with acceptance.
There is no denying the suffering brought by addiction. Yet it was this disease that brought us to Narcotics Anonymous; without it, we would neither have sought nor found the blessing of recovery. In isolating us, it forced us to seek fellowship. In causing us to suffer, it gave us the experience needed to help others, help no one else was so uniquely suited to offer. In forcing us to our knees, addiction gave us the opportunity to surrender to the care of a loving Higher Power.
We would not wish the disease of addiction on anyone. But the fact remains that we addicts already have this disease—and further, that without this disease we may never have embarked on our spiritual journey. Thousands of people search their whole lives for what we have found in Narcotics Anonymous: fellowship, a sense of purpose, and conscious contact with a Higher Power. Today, we are grateful for everything that has brought us this blessing.
Just for today:I will accept the fact of my disease, and pursue the blessing of my recovery.
“As long as the ties that bind us together are stronger than those that would tear us apart, all will be well.”
Basic Text, p. 60
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Many of us feel that without NA we would surely have died from our disease. Hence, its existence is our very lifeline. However, disunity is an occasional fact of life in Narcotics Anonymous; we must learn to respond in a constructive way to the destructive influences that sometimes arise in our fellowship. If we decide to be part of the solution instead of the problem, we are headed in the right direction.
Our personal recovery and the growth of NA is contingent upon maintaining an atmosphere of recovery in our meetings. Are we willing to help our group deal constructively with conflict? As group members, do we strive to work out difficulties openly, honestly, and fairly? Do we seek to promote the common welfare of all our members rather than our own agenda? And, as trusted servants, do we take into consideration the effect our actions might have on newcomers?
Service can bring out both the best and the worst in us. But it is often through service that we begin to get in touch with some of our more pressing defects of character. Do we shrink from service commitments rather than face what we might find out about ourselves? If we bear in mind the strength of the ties that bind us together—our recovery from active addiction—all will be well.
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Just for today: I will strive to be of service to our fellowship. I will be unafraid to discover who I am.
“The right to a God of your understanding is total and without any catches. Because we have this right, it is necessary to be honest about our belief if we are to grow spiritually.”
Basic Text, pp. 25-26
In meetings, over refreshments, in talks with our sponsor, we hear our NA friends talking about the way they understand their Higher Power. It would be easy to “go with the flow,” adopting someone else’s beliefs. But just as no one else can recover for us, so no one else’s spirituality can substitute for our own. We must honestly search for an understanding of God that truly works for us.
Many of us begin that search with prayer and meditation, and continue with our experiences in recovery. Have there been instances where we have been given power beyond our own to face life’s challenges? When we have quietly sought direction in times of trouble, have we found it? What kind of Power do we believe has guided and strengthened us? What kind of Power do we seek? With the answers to these questions, we will understand our Higher Power well enough to feel safe and confident about asking it to care for our will and lives.
A borrowed understanding of God may do on a short haul. But in the long run, we must come to our own understanding of a Higher Power, for it is that Power which will carry us through our recovery.
Just for today: I seek a Power greater than myself that can help me grow spiritually. Today, I will examine my beliefs honestly and come to my own understanding of God.
“The last thing we expected was an awakening of the spirit.”
Basic Text, p. 49
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Few of us came to our first Narcotics Anonymous meeting aching to take a personal inventory or believing that a spiritual void existed in our souls. We had no inkling that we were about to embark on a journey which would awaken our sleeping spirits.
Like a loud alarm clock, the First Step brings us to semi-consciousness—although at this point, we may not be sure whether we want to climb out of bed or maybe sleep for just five more minutes. The gentle hand shaking our shoulders as we apply the Second and Third Steps causes us to stand up, stretch, and yawn. We need to wipe the sleep from our eyes to write the Fourth Step and share our Fifth. But as we work the Sixth, Seventh, Eighth, and Ninth Steps, we begin noticing a spring in our step and the start of a smile on our lips. Our spirits sing in the shower as we take the Tenth and Eleventh Steps. And then we practice the Twelfth, leaving the house in search of others to awaken.
We don’t have to spend the rest of our lives in a spiritual coma. We may not like to get up in the morning but, once out of bed, we’re almost always glad we did.
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Just for today:To awaken my sleepy spirit, I will use the Twelve Steps.
“When we refuse to accept the reality of today, we are denying faith in our Higher Power. This can only bring more suffering.”
IP No. 8, Just for Today
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Some days just aren’t the way we wish they would be. Our problems may be as simple as a broken shoelace or having to stand in line at the supermarket. Or we may experience something far more serious, such as the loss of a job, a home, or a loved one. Either way, we often end up looking for a way to avoid our feelings instead of simply acknowledging that those feelings are painful.
No one promises us that everything will go our way when we stop using. In fact, we can be sure that life will go on whether we’re using or not. We will face good days and bad days, comfortable feelings and painful feelings. But we don’t have to run from any of them any longer.
We can experience pain, grief, sadness, anger, frustration—all those feelings we once avoided with drugs. We find that we can get through those emotions clean. We won’t die and the world won’t come to an end just because we have uncomfortable feelings. We learn to trust that we can survive what each day brings.
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Just for today:I will demonstrate my trust in God by experiencing this day just as it is.
“They can be analyzed, counseled, reasoned with, prayed over, threatened, beaten, or locked up, but they will not stop until they want to stop.”
Basic Text, p. 65
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Perhaps one of the most difficult truths we must face in our recovery is that we are as powerless over another’s addiction as we are over our own. We may think that because we’ve had a spiritual awakening in our own lives we should be able to persuade another addict to find recovery. But there are limits to what we can do to help another addict.
We cannot force them to stop using. We cannot give them the results of the steps or grow for them. We cannot take away their loneliness or their pain. There is nothing we can say to convince a scared addict to surrender the familiar misery of addiction for the frightening uncertainty of recovery. We cannot jump inside other peoples’ skins, shift their goals, or decide for them what is best for them.
However, if we refuse to try to exert this power over another’s addiction, we may help them. They may grow if we allow them to face reality, painful though it may be. They may become more productive, by their own definition, as long as we don’t try and do it for them. They can become the authority on their own lives, provided we are only authorities on our own. If we can accept all this, we can become what we were meant to be—carriers of the message, not the addict.
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Just for today:I will accept that I am powerless not only over my own addiction but also over everyone else’s. I will carry the message, not the addict.
“As long as I take it easy and make a commitment with my Higher Power to do the best I can, I know I will be taken care of today.”
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Many of us feel that our fundamental commitment in recovery is to our Higher Power. Knowing that we lack the power to stay clean and find recovery on our own, we enter into a partnership with a Power greater than we are. We make a commitment to live in the care of our Higher Power and, in return, our Higher Power guides us.
This partnership is vital to staying clean. Making it through the early days of recovery often feels like the hardest thing we’ve ever done. But the strength of our commitment to recovery and the power of God’s care is sufficient to carry us through, just for today.
Our part in this partnership is to do the very best we can each day, showing up for life and doing what’s put in front of us, applying the principles of recovery to the best of our ability. We promise to do the best we can—not to fake it, not to pretend to be superhuman, but simply to do the footwork of recovery. In fulfilling our part of the recovery partnership, we experience the care our Higher Power has provided us.
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Just for today:I will honor my commitment to a partnership with my Higher Power.
“Relapse is never an accident. Relapse is a sign that we have a reservation in our program.”
Basic Text, p. 79
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A reservation is something we set aside for future use. In our case, a reservation is the expectation that, if such-and-such happens, we will surely relapse. What event do we expect will be too painful to bear? Maybe we think that if a spouse or lover leaves us, we will have to get high. If we lose our job, surely, we think, we will use. Or maybe it’s the death of a loved one that we expect to be unbearable. In any case, the reservations we harbor give us permission to use when they come true—as they often do.
We can prepare ourselves for success instead of relapse by examining our expectations and altering them where we can. Most of us carry within us a catalog of anticipated misery closely related to our fears. We can learn how to survive pain by watching other members live through similar pain. We can apply their lessons to our own expectations. Instead of telling ourselves we will have to get high if this happens, we can quietly reassure ourselves that we, too, can stay clean through whatever life brings us today.
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Just for today:I will check for any reservations that may endanger my recovery and share them with another addict.
“Self-pity is one of the most destructive of defects; it will drain us of all positive energy.”
Basic Text, p. 80
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In active addiction, many of us used self-pity as a survival mechanism. We didn’t believe there was an alternative to living in our disease—or perhaps we didn’t want to believe. As long as we could feel sorry for ourselves and blame someone else for our troubles, we didn’t have to accept the consequences of our actions; believing ourselves powerless to change, we didn’t have to accept the need for change. Using this “survival mechanism” kept us from entering recovery and led us closer, day by day, to self-destruction. Self-pity is a tool of our disease; we need to stop using it and learn instead to use the new tools we find in the NA program.
We have come to believe that effective help is available for us; when we seek that help, finding it in the NA program, self-pity is displaced by gratitude. Many tools are at our disposal: the Twelve Steps, the support of our sponsor, the fellowship of other recovering addicts, and the care of our Higher Power. The availability of all these tools is more than enough reason to be grateful. We no longer live in isolation, without hope; we have certain help at hand for anything we may face. The surest way to become grateful is to take advantage of the help available to us in the NA program and to experience the improvement the program will bring in our lives.
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Just for today:I will be grateful for the hope NA has given me. I will cultivate my recovery and stop cultivating self-pity.
“We continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.”
Step Ten
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In Narcotics Anonymous, we’ve found that the more we live in harmony with our Higher Power’s will for us, the greater the harmony in our lives. We use the Tenth Step to help us maintain that harmony. On a daily basis, we take time to look at our behavior. Some of us measure each action with a very simple question: “God’s will, or mine?”
In many cases, we find that our actions have been in tune with our Higher Power’s will for us, and we in turn have been in tune with the world around us. In some cases, however, we will discover inconsistencies between our behavior and our values. We’ve been acting on our own will, not God’s, and the result has been dissonance in our lives.
When we discover such inconsistencies, we admit we’ve been wrong and take corrective action. With greater awareness of what we believe God’s will for us to be in such situations, we are less likely to repeat those actions. And we are more likely to live in greater concord with our Higher Power’s will for us and with the world around us.
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Just for today:I wish to live in harmony with my world. Today, I will examine my actions, asking, “God’s will, or mine?”
“Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our traditions, ever reminding us to place principles before personalities.”
Tradition Twelve
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The Twelfth Tradition reminds us of the importance of putting “principles before personalities.” In recovery meetings, this might be paraphrased, “don’t shoot the messenger.” We often get the message confused with the messenger, and negate what someone shares at a meeting because we have personality conflicts with the person speaking.
If we are having problems with what certain people have to share at meetings, we might want to seek the guidance of our sponsor. Our sponsor can help us concentrate on what’s being said rather than who’s saying it. Our sponsor can also help us address the resentments that may be keeping us from acknowledging the value of some particular person’s recovery experience. It is surprising how much more we can get out of meetings when we allow ourselves to do as our Twelfth Tradition suggests, focusing on recovery principles rather than personalities.
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Just for today:I will practice the principle of anonymity in today’s NA meeting. I will focus on the message of recovery, not the personality of the messenger.
“Personality change was what we really needed. Change from self-destructive patterns of life became necessary.”
Basic Text, p. 15
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In early life, most of us were capable of joy and wonder, of giving and receiving unconditional love. When we started using, we introduced an influence into our lives that slowly drove us away from those things. The further we were pushed down the path of addiction, the further we withdrew from joy, wonder, and love.
That journey was not taken overnight. But however long it took, we arrived at the doors of NA with more than just a drug problem. The influence of addiction had warped our whole pattern of living beyond recognition.
The Twelve Steps work miracles, it’s true, but not many of them are worked overnight. Our disease slowly influenced our spiritual development for the worse. Recovery introduces a new influence to our lives, a source of fellowship and spiritual strength slowly impelling us into new, healthy patterns of living.
This change, of course, doesn’t “just happen.” But if we cooperate with the new influence NA has brought to our lives, over time we will experience the personality change we call recovery. The Twelve Steps provide us with a program for the kind of cooperation required to restore joy, wonder, and love to our lives.
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Just for today:I will cooperate with the new influence of fellowship and spiritual strength NA has introduced to my life. I will work the next step in my program.
“It would be tragic to write [out an inventory only to] shove it in a drawer. These defects grow in the dark and die in the light of exposure.”
Basic Text, p. 32
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How many times have we heard it said that we are only as sick as our secrets? While many members choose not to use meetings to share the intimate details of their lives, it is important that we each discover what works best for us. What about those behaviors we have carried into our recovery that, if discovered, would cause us shame? How much are we comfortable disclosing, and to whom? If we are uncomfortable sharing some details of our lives in meetings, to whom do we turn?
We have found the answer to these questions in sponsorship. Although a relationship with a sponsor takes time to build, it is important that we come to trust our sponsor enough to be completely honest. Our defects only have power as long as they stay hidden. If we want to be free of those defects, we must uncover them. Secrets are only secrets until we share them with another human being.
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Just for today:I will uncover my secrets. I will practice being honest with my sponsor.
“The Eighth Step offers a big change from a life dominated by guilt and remorse.”
Basic Text, p. 39
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Remorse was one of the feelings that kept us using. We had stumbled our way through active addiction, leaving a trail of heartbreak and devastation too painful to consider. Our remorse was often intensified by our perception that we couldn’t do anything about the damage we had caused; there was no way to make it right.
We remove some of the power of remorse when we face it squarely. We begin the Eighth Step by actually making a list of all the people we have harmed. We own our part in our painful past.
But the Eighth Step does not ask us to make right all of our mistakes, merely to become willing to make amends to all those people. As we become willing to clean up the damage we’ve caused, we acknowledge our readiness to change. We affirm the healing process of recovery.
Remorse is no longer an instrument we use to torture ourselves. Remorse has become a tool we can use to achieve self-forgiveness.
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Just for today:I will use any feelings of remorse I may have as a stepping-stone to healing through the Twelve Steps.
“We examine our actions, reactions, and motives. We often find that we’ve been doing better than we’ve been feeling.”
Basic Text, p. 43
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Imagine a daily meditation book with this kind of message: “When you wake up in the morning, before you rise from your bed, take a moment for reflection. Lie back, gather your thoughts, and consider your plans for the day. One by one, review the motives behind those plans. If your motives are not entirely pure, roll over and go back to sleep.” Nonsense, isn’t it?
No matter how long we’ve been clean, almost all of us have mixed motives behind almost everything we do. However, that’s no reason to put our lives on hold. We don’t have to wait for our motives to become perfectly pure before we can start living our recovery.
As the program works its way into our lives, we begin acting less frequently on our more questionable motives. We regularly examine ourselves, and we talk with our sponsor about what we find. We pray for knowledge of our Higher Power’s will for us, and we seek the power to act on the knowledge we’re given. The result? We don’t get perfect, but we do get better.
We’ve begun working a spiritual program. We won’t ever become spiritual giants. But if we look at ourselves realistically, we’ll probably realize that we’ve been doing better than we’ve been feeling.
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Just for today:I will examine myself realistically. I will seek the power to act on my best motives, and not to act on my worst.
