“Our newly found faith serves as a firm foundation for courage in the future.”
Basic Text, p. 96
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When we begin coming to meetings, we hear other addicts talking about the gifts they have received as a result of this program, things we never thought of as gifts before. One such gift is the renewed ability to feel the emotions we had deadened for so long with drugs. It’s not difficult to think of love, joy, and happiness as gifts, even if it’s been a long time since we’ve felt them. But what about “bad” feelings like anger, sadness, fear, and loneliness? Such emotions can’t be seen as gifts, we tell ourselves. After all, how can we be thankful for things we want to run from?!
We can become grateful for these emotions in our lives if we place them in their proper perspective. We need to remember that we’ve come to believe in a loving Higher Power, and we’ve asked that Power to care for us—and our Higher Power doesn’t make mistakes. The feelings we’re given, “good” or “bad,” are given to us for a reason. With this in mind, we come to realize that there are no bad feelings, only lessons to be learned. Our faith and our Higher Power’s care give us the courage we need to face whatever feelings may come up on a daily basis.
As we heard early in recovery, “Your Higher Power won’t give you more than you can handle in just one day.” And the ability to feel our emotions is one of the greatest gifts of recovery.
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Just for today:I will try to welcome my feelings, firm in the belief that I have the courage to face whatever emotions may come up in my life.
“[The] Power that brought us to this program is still with us and will continue to guide us if we allow it.”
Basic Text, p. 27
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Ever had a panic attack? Everywhere we turn, life’s demands overwhelm us. We’re paralyzed, and we don’t know what to do about it. How do we break an anxiety attack?
First, we stop. We can’t deal with everything at once, so we stop for a moment to let things settle. Then we take a “spot inventory” of the things that are bothering us. We examine each item, asking ourselves this question: “How important is it, really?” In most cases, we’ll find that most of our fears and concerns don’t need our immediate attention. We can put those aside, and focus on the issues that really need to be resolved right away.
Then we stop again and ask ourselves, “Who’s in control here, anyway?” This helps remind us that our Higher Power is in control. We seek our Higher Power’s will for the situation, whatever it is. We can do this in any number of ways: through prayer, talks with our sponsor or NA friends, or by attending a meeting and asking others to share their experience. When our Higher Power’s will becomes clear to us, we pray for the ability to carry it out. Finally, we take action.
Anxiety attacks need not paralyze us. We can utilize the resources of the NA program to deal with anything that comes our way.
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Just for today: My Higher Power has not brought me all this way in recovery only to abandon me! When anxiety strikes, I will take specific steps to seek God’s continuing care and guidance.
“Any form of success was frightening and unfamiliar.”
Basic Text, p. 14
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Before coming to NA, few of us had much experience with success. Every attempt to stop using on our own had ended in failure. We had begun to give up hope of finding any relief from active addiction. We had grown accustomed to failure, expecting it, accepting it, thinking it was just part of our makeup.
When we stay clean, we begin to experience success in our lives. We begin to take pride in our accomplishments. We start to take healthy risks. We may take some knocks in the process, but even these can be counted as successes if we learn from them.
Sometimes when we fulfill a goal, we hesitate to “pat ourselves on the back” for fear that we will seem arrogant. But our Higher Power wants us to succeed, and wants us to share with our loved ones the pride we take in our accomplishments. When we share our successes with others in NA, they often begin to believe that they can achieve their goals as well. When we succeed, we help lay the groundwork for others who follow in our path.
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Just for today:I will take time to savor my successes. I will share my victories with an “attitude of gratitude.”
“There will be times, however, when we really feel like using. We want to run, and we feel lousy. We need to be reminded of where we came from and that it will be worse this time. This is when we need the program the most.”
Basic Text, p. 81
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If we’re contemplating a relapse, we should think our using through to the bitter ends. For many of us, those ends would include severe medical problems, imprisonment, or even death. How many of us have known people who relapsed after many years clean, only to die from their disease?
But there is a death that accompanies a return to active addiction that may be worse than physical death. That is the spiritual death we experience when we are separated from our Higher Power. If we use, the spiritual relationship we have nurtured over the years will weaken and perhaps disappear. We will feel truly alone.
There is no doubt that we have periods of darkness in our recovery. There is only one way we can make it through those troubling times: with faith. If we believe that our Higher Power is with us, then we know that all will be well.
No matter how badly we may feel in our recovery, a relapse is never the answer. Together, we find recovery. If we stay clean, the darkness will lift and we will find a deeper connection to our Higher Power.
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Just for today:I thank my Higher Power for the gift of NA. I know that relapse is not the way out. Whatever challenges I face, I will face them with the God of my understanding.
“This program has become a part of me… I understand more clearly the things that are happening in my life today. I no longer fight the process.”
Basic Text, p. 127
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In active addiction, things happened seemingly without rhyme or reason. We just “did things,” often without knowing why or what the results would be. Life had little value or meaning.
The Twelve-Step process gives meaning to our lives; in working the steps, we come to accept both the dark and the bright sides of ourselves. We strip away the denial that kept us from comprehending addiction’s affect on us. We honestly examine ourselves, picking out the patterns in our thoughts, our feelings, and our behavior. We gain humility and perspective by fully disclosing ourselves to another human being. In seeking to have our shortcomings removed, we develop a working appreciation of our own powerlessness and the strength provided by a Power greater than we are. With our enhanced understanding of ourselves, we gain greater insight into and acceptance of others.
The Twelve Steps are the key to a process we call “life.” In working the steps, they become a part of us—and we become a part of the life around us. Our world is no longer meaningless; we understand more about what happens in our lives today. We no longer fight the process. Today, in working the steps, we live it.
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Just for today:Life is a process; the Twelve Steps are the key. Today, I will use the steps to participate in that process, understanding and enjoying myself and my recovery.
“When a need arises for us to admit our powerlessness, we may first look for ways to exert power against it. After exhausting these ways, we begin sharing with others and find hope.”
Basic Text, p. 82
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We’ve sometimes heard it said in our meetings that “rude awakenings lead to spiritual awakenings.” What kind of rude awakenings do we have in recovery? Such an awakening might occur when some undesirable bit of our behavior that we thought safely hidden away is suddenly revealed for all the world to see. Or our sponsor might provoke such an awakening by informing us that, just like everyone else, we have to work the steps if we expect to stay clean and recover.
Most of us hate to have our covers pulled; we don’t like being laid naked in full view. The experience delivers a strong dose of humility. Our first reaction to such a disclosure is usually shock and anger, yet we recognize the truth when we hear it. What we are having is a rude awakening.
Such awakenings often disclose barriers that block us from making spiritual progress in our recovery. Once those barriers are exposed, we can work the steps to begin removing them from our lives. We can begin experiencing the healing and serenity which are the preludes to a renewed awakening of the spirit.
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Just for today:I will recognize the rude awakenings I have as opportunities to grow toward spiritual awakening.
“As a result of the Twelve Steps, I’m not able to hold on to old ways of deceiving myself.”
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We all rationalize. Sometimes we know we are rationalizing, admit we are rationalizing, yet continue to behave according to our rationalizations! Recovery can become very painful when we decide that, for one reason or another, the simple principles of the program don’t apply to us.
With the help of our sponsor and others in NA, we can begin to look at the excuses we use for our behavior. Do we find that some principles just don’t apply to us? Do we believe that we know more than everyone else in Narcotics Anonymous, even those who have been clean for many years? What makes us think that we’re so special?
There is no doubt, we can successfully rationalize our way through part of our recovery. But, eventually, we must squarely face the truth and start acting accordingly. The principles in the Twelve Steps guide us to a new life in recovery. There is little room for rationalization there.
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Just for today: I cannot work the steps and also continue deceiving myself. I will examine my thinking for rationalizations, reveal them to my sponsor, and be rid of them.
“The good times can also be a trap; the danger is that we may forget that our first priority is to stay clean.”
Basic Text, p. 43
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Things can get really good in our recovery. Perhaps we’ve found our “soul mate,” built a rewarding career, started a family. Maybe our relationships with our family members have healed. Things are going so well, we barely have time to attend meetings. Perhaps we begin to reintegrate into society so successfully that we forget that we don’t always react to situations like others do.
Maybe, just maybe, we’ve put some priorities ahead of themselves. Is meeting attendance still a priority with us? Do we still sponsor? Do we phone our sponsor? What step are we working? Are we still willing to drag ourselves out of bed at some ungodly hour for a Twelfth Step call? Do we remember to practice principles in all our affairs? If others in NA reach out to us, are we available? Do we remember where we came from, or have the “good times” allowed us to forget?
To stay clean, we must remember that we are only one drug away from our past. We stay grateful for the good times, but we don’t let them divert us from our continuing recovery in Narcotics Anonymous.
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Just for today:I’m grateful for the good times, but I’ve not forgotten from where I’ve come. Today, my first priority is staying clean and growing in my recovery.
“What we want most is to feel good about ourselves.”
Basic Text, p. 101
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“We’ll love you until you can learn to love yourself.” These words, heard so often in our meetings, promise a day we look forward to eagerly—the day when we’ll know how to love ourselves.
Self-esteem—we all want this elusive quality as soon as we hear about it. Some of us seem to stumble upon it accidentally, while others embark on a course of action complete with affirmations made to our reflections in the mirror. But fix-it-yourself techniques and trendy psychological cures can only take us so far.
There are some definite, practical steps we can take to show love for ourselves, whether we “feel” that love or not. We can take care of our personal responsibilities. We can do nice things for ourselves, as we would for a lover or a friend. We can start paying attention to our own needs. We can even pay attention to the qualities that we cherish in our friends—qualities like intelligence and humor—and look for those same qualities in ourselves. We’re sure to find that we really are lovable people, and once we do that, we’re well on our way.
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Just for today:I will do something today that helps me recognize and feel love for myself.
“In the past, we made simple situations into problems; we made mountains out of molehills.”
Basic Text, p. 90
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Making mountains out of molehills seems to be our specialty. Have you heard it said that to an addict, a flat tire is a traumatic event? Or how about those of us who forget all pretense of principle when confronted with a bad driver? And what about that can opener that won’t work—you know, the one you just threw out the second story window? We can relate when we hear others share, “God, grant me patience right now!”
No, it’s not the major setbacks that drive us to distraction. The big things—divorce, death, serious illness, the loss of a job—will throw us, but we survive them. We’ve learned from experience that we must reach out to our Higher Power and others to make it through life’s major crises. It’s the small things, the constant day-to-day challenges of living life without the use of drugs, that seem to affect most addicts most strongly in recovery.
When the little things get to us, the Serenity Prayer can help us regain our perspective. We can all remember that “turning over” these small matters to the care of our Higher Power results in peace of mind and a refreshed perspective on life.
Just for today:I will work on patience. I will try to keep from blowing things out of proportion, and walk with my Higher Power through my day.
“The steps are our solution. They are our survival kit. They are our defense against addiction, a deadly disease. Our steps are the principles that make our recovery possible.”
Basic Text, p. 19
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There’s lots to like in Narcotics Anonymous. The meetings, for one, are great. We get to see our friends, hear some inspiring stories, share some practical experience, maybe even hook up with our sponsor. The campouts, the conventions, the dances are all wonderful, clean fun in the company of other recovering addicts. But the heart of our recovery program is the Twelve Steps—in fact, they are the program!
We’ve heard it said that we can’t stay clean by osmosis—in other words, we can’t just attend meetings, no matter how many, and expect to breathe recovery in through the pores of our skin. Recovery, as another saying goes, is an inside job. And the tools we use in working that “inside job” are the Twelve Steps. Hearing endlessly about acceptance is one thing; working the First Step for ourselves is something very different. Stories about making amends may be inspiring, yet nothing will give us the freedom from remorse that taking the Ninth Step ourselves will give. The same applies to all Twelve Steps.
There’s much to appreciate about NA, but to get the most from our recovery we must work the Twelve Steps for ourselves.
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Just for today:I want everything my personal program has to offer. I will work the steps for myself.
“It will not make us better people to judge the faults of another. It will make us feel better to clean up our lives…”
Basic Text, p. 38
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Sometimes we need something tangible to help us understand what holding a resentment is doing to us. We may not be aware of how destructive resentments actually are. We think, “So what, I have a right to be angry,” or, “I might be nursing a grudge or two, but I don’t see the harm.”
To see more clearly the effect that holding resentments is having in our lives, we might try imagining that we are carrying a rock for each resentment. A small grudge, such as anger at someone driving badly, might be represented by a pebble. Harboring ill will toward an entire group of people might be represented by a enormous boulder. If we actually had to carry stones for each resentment, we would surely tire of the weight. In fact, the more cumbersome our burden, the more sincere our efforts to unload it would be.
The weight of our resentments hinders our spiritual development. If we truly desire freedom, we will seek to rid ourselves of as much extra weight as possible. As we lighten up, we’ll notice an increased ability to forgive our fellow human beings for their mistakes, and to forgive ourselves for our own. We’ll nourish our spirits with good thoughts, kind words, and service to others.
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Just for today:I will seek to have the burden of resentments removed from my spirit.
“Also, our inventories usually include material on relationships.”
Basic Text, p. 29
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What an understatement this is! Especially in later recovery, entire inventories may focus on our relationships with others. Our lives have been filled with relationships with lovers, friends, parents, coworkers, children, and others with whom we come in contact. A look at these associations can tell us much about our essential character.
Often our inventories catalog the resentments that arise from our day-to-day interactions with others. We strive to look at our part in these frictions. Are we placing unrealistic expectations on other people? Do we impose our standards on others? Are we sometimes downright intolerant?
Often just the writing of our inventory will release some of the pressure that a troubled relationship can produce. But we must also share this inventory with another human being. That way, we get some needed perspective on our part in the problem and how we can work toward a solution.
The inventory is a tool that allows us to begin healing our relationships. We learn that today, with the help of an inventory, we can start to enjoy our relationships with others.
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Just for today:I will inventory the part I play in my relationships. I will seek to play a richer, more responsible part in those relationships.
“The get-togethers after our meetings are good opportunities to share things that we didn’t get to discuss during the meeting.”
Basic Text, p. 98
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Active addiction set us apart from society, isolating us. Fear was at the core of that alienation. We believed that if we let others get to know us, they would only find out how terribly flawed we were. Rejection would be only a short step away.
When we come to our first NA meeting, we are usually impressed by the familiarity and friendliness we see other recovering addicts share. We, too, can quickly become a part of this fellowship, if we allow ourselves to. One way to start is by tagging along to the local coffee shop after the meeting.
At these gatherings, we can let down the walls that separate us from others and discover things about ourselves and other NA members. One on one, we can sometimes disclose things that we may be reluctant to share at the group level. We learn to make small talk at many of these late-night gatherings and forge deep, strong friendships as well.
With our newfound friends in NA, we no longer have to live lives of isolation. We can become a part of the greater whole, the Fellowship of Narcotics Anonymous.
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Just for today:I will break free of isolation. I will strive to feel a part of the NA Fellowship.
“The purpose of a searching and fearless moral inventory is to sort through the confusion and the contradiction of our lives so that we can find out who we really are.”*
Basic Text, p. 27
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Using addicts are a confused and confusing bunch of people. It’s hard to tell from one minute to the next what they’re going to do or who they’re going to be. Usually, the addict is just as surprised as anyone else.
When we used, our behavior was dictated by the needs of our addiction. Many of us still identify our personalities closely with the behavior we practiced while using, leading us to feel shame and despair. Today, we don’t have to be the people we once were, shaped by our addiction; recovery has allowed us to change.
We can use the Fourth Step inventory to see past the needs of the old using life and find out who we want to be today. Writing about our behavior and noticing how we feel about that behavior helps us understand who we want to be. Our inventory helps us see beyond the demands of active addiction, beyond our desire to be loved and accepted—we find out who we are at the root. We begin to understand what’s appropriate for us, and what we want our lives to be like. This is the beginning of becoming who we really are.
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Just for today:If I want to find out who I am, I’ll look at who I’ve been and who I want to be.
“Those who make it through these times show a courage not their own.”
Basic Text, p. 86
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Before coming to NA, many of us thought we were brave simply because we had never experienced fear. We had drugged all our feelings, fear among them, until we had convinced ourselves that we were tough, courageous people who wouldn’t crack under any circumstances.
But finding our courage in drugs has nothing to do with the way we live our lives today. Clean and in recovery, we are bound to feel frightened at times. When we first realize we are feeling frightened, we may think we are cowards. We’re afraid to pick up the phone because the person on the other end might not understand. We’re afraid to ask someone to sponsor us because they might say no. We’re afraid to look for a job. We’re afraid to be honest with our friends. But all of these fears are natural, even healthy. What’s not healthy is allowing fear to paralyze us.
When we permit our fear to stop our growth, we will be defeated. True courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the willingness to walk through it.
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Just for today:I will be courageous today. When I’m afraid, I’ll do what I need to do to grow in recovery.
“There is a special feeling for addicts when they discover that there are other people who share their difficulties, past and present.”
Basic Text, pp. 55-56
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The wealth of our recovery is too good to keep to ourselves. Some of us believe that when we talk in meetings, we should “remember the newcomer” and always try and carry a positive message. But sometimes the most positive message we can carry is that we are going through difficult times in our recovery and are staying clean in spite of them!
Yes, it’s gratifying to send out a strong message of hope to our newer members. After all, no one likes a whiner. But distressing things happen, and life on life’s terms can send shock waves even through the recovery of long-time members of Narcotics Anonymous. If we are equipped with the tools of the program, we can walk through such turmoil and stay clean to tell the tale.
Recovery doesn’t happen all at once; it is an ongoing process, sometimes a struggle. When we dilute the fullness of our message by neglecting to share about the tough times we may walk through on our journey, we fail to allow newcomers the chance to see that they, too, can stay clean, no matter what. If we share the full message of our recovery, we may not know who benefits, but we can be sure someone will.
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Just for today:I will honestly share both the good times and the difficult times of my recovery. I will remember that my experience in walking through adversity may benefit another member.
“A simple, honest message of recovery from addiction rings true.”
Basic Text, p. 51
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You’re in a meeting. The sharing has been going on for some time. One or two members have described their spiritual experiences in an especially meaningful way. Another has had us all rolling in the aisles with entertaining stories. And then the leader calls on you… gulp. You shyly introduce yourself, apologetically stammer out a few lines, thank everyone for listening, and sit out the rest of the meeting in embarrassed silence. Sound familiar? Well, you’re not alone.
We’ve all had times when we’ve felt that what we had to share wasn’t spiritual enough, wasn’t entertaining enough, wasn’t something enough. But sharing is not a competitive sport. The meat of our meetings is identification and experience, something all of us have in abundance. When we share from our hearts the truth of our experience, other addicts feel they can trust us because they know we’re just like them. When we simply share what’s been effective in our lives, we can be sure that our message will be helpful to others.
Our sharing doesn’t have to be either fancy or funny to ring true. Every addict working an honest program that brings meaningful recovery has something of immense value to share, something no one else can give: his or her own experience.
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Just for today:I have something valuable to share. I will attend a meeting today and share my experience in recovery from addiction.
“Most of us have no trouble admitting that addiction had become a destructive force in our lives. Our best efforts resulted in ever greater destruction and despair. At some point, we realized that we needed the help of some Power greater than our addiction.”
Basic Text, p. 24
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Most of us know without a doubt that our lives have been filled with destruction. Learning that we have a disease called addiction helps us understand the source or cause of this destruction. We can recognize addiction as a power that has worked devastation in our lives. When we take the First Step, we admit that the destructive force of addiction is bigger than we are. We are powerless over it.
At this point, our only hope is to find some Power greater than the force of our addiction—a Power bent on preserving life, not ending it. We don’t have to understand it or even name it; we only have to believe that there could be such a Higher Power. The belief that a benevolent Power greater than our addiction just might exist gives us enough hope to stay clean, a day at a time.
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Just for today:I believe in the possibility of some Power that’s bigger than my addiction.
“Addiction is a disease that involves more than the use of drugs.”
Basic Text, p. 3
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At our first meeting, we may have been taken aback at the way members shared about how the disease of addiction had affected their lives. We thought to ourselves, “Disease? I’ve just got a drug problem! What in the world are they talking about?”
After some time in the program, we began to see that our addiction ran deeper than our obsessive, compulsive drug use. We saw that we suffered from a chronic illness that affected many areas of our lives. We didn’t know where we’d “caught” this disease, but in examining ourselves we realized that it had been present in us for many years.
Just as the disease of addiction affects every area of our lives, so does the NA program. We attend our first meeting with all the symptoms present: the spiritual void, the emotional agony, the powerlessness, the unmanageability.
Treating our illness involves much more than mere abstinence. We use the Twelve Steps, and though they don’t “cure” our illness, they do begin to heal us. And as we recover, we experience the gift of life.
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Just for today:I will treat my illness with the Twelve Steps.
