7 years ago I stopped drinking for 3 months. I’m a binge drinker with too much ambition. I’m also a cook so food and drink have been my life. But life can be difficult and the drink part can be soothing. I know I am capable of having A,1,singular, drink but there are times when I just fall straight down a hole solely out of habit. The consistency of the activity is comforting but it’s always the after math of thing that’s the problem. I’ve explored over 200 different types of beer and a variety of whiskeys, scotches, heck, I used to sell mushroom infused vodka (shits dank). I enjoy the flavor more than I do the alcohol part to be honest. I can’t enjoy any of it anymore tho cuz I just send myself in a spiral cuz life is hard and I’m tired. I still cook with alcohol. The smell of the alcohol cooking off brings me comfort and then I can just enjoy the aromas and flavors it provides.
I strongly believe in moderation. I know that when I go too far it’s going to cause an imbalance in me and I dislike that.
Sometimes life sends us reeling and we don’t know what to do about it so as creatures of habit we gravitate to what we think we know and what we think we can control. I lose appreciation for myself the most when I’m hungover, sometimes for up to 3 days.
It’s day 15. 5 days to 20. Gosh I want a drink SO BAD but then I start to get anxiety cuz I officially associate alcohol with something bad is gonna happen. Idk if I’m taking a break or if I am in this is for the long hall. All I know is that I’m regular tired which is alot easier to deal with than being regular tired and tired from selfdestructing. I appreciate this about myself.