I am an addict. I am addicted to meth at the moment. Outside of drugs my entire life has been dealing with addictions. It’s hard to know who I am anymore. It is time to remedy this once and for all. I want to succeed where I have failed. Failed over 48 relapses to be exact. This is one of the hardest things I have ever had to do and I’m just plain out scared. I have decided on a 12 step fellowship program, I have also done my research with excellent literature on the dealing of addiction treatment. I am afraid of my health, afraid of early death, and ultimately so afraid of failure. I am entering day 1 of sober living. I know I’m going to be hit with cravings soon. How do I turn the other way? How am I going to deal with these cravings when they come? I want to prepare myself for what I have to do when I hit that craving spell. Please I need prayers, I need support. I don’t want to live like this anymore. I want freedom from the chains of addiction. I can’t do this alone.
Welcome @Shatteredsoul glad you found us. You dont have to do this alone. Theres someone here at any given time to reachout to.
Get rid of any stash. Delete any dealers numbers. Find a meeting.
Welcome Joshua.
Fear and shame are 2 of the hardest things to deal with in addiction recovery. I’ve gotten over a lot of shame but I’m still dealing with a lot of fear.
False
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Sounds like you got a plan entering sober living. One of my hardest battles has always been asking for help. I couldn’t get anywhere until I finally asked for help. I still don’t like asking for help.
I’m glad you found us. Have a good read around. We don’t have to live with addiction. We can recover. And you can too.
I hope to see you around. This is a great sober forum to get and give support.
ODAAT
You get to choose you gonna be. I imagine what my future self would do… daydream all the good possibilities you have when you’ve got your addiction under better control.
Proud of you for trying and being honest with yourself xx
This made me cry as I read it because I remember this desperate feeling of just wanting to succeed in sobriety. Your words have humbled me and reminded me that there is a humanity out there crying out for help. There is a beautiful sweet part about hitting our own rock bottom’s.
I have stood where you stand. Just sixteen short months ago. August 4th, 2022 my husband and I flew to California and entered two separate rehabs. I was addicted to meth and crack but at the time had been smoking fentanyl as well. We were there until we flew home on August 26th, we relapsed together not even 24 hours later and my husband was gone not even three days after that. Entering eternity alone as we all must eventually do one day. He died alone on his job site inside of a porta potty after smoking a fentanyl pill. And that is the day I got clean. August 30th, 2022. My rock bottom has to become that extreme to finally pull me out.
I say all of that to leave you with this; I will forever have to live with my regrets. The thought of what If I’d never joined in. What if I’d told him not to go that night. Could we have been so much more, could he have been so much more, echoing forever in the hallways of my mind. I guess that’s my retribution for my part though, so I’ll bear it in its full weight. I see you. I know the stigma. I promise you, you can recover. You may come out barley crawling with wounds from a fight you both won and lost but you can make it out. You’re worth it. You’ve always been worth it. I promise no matter how desperately discouraging your situation seems, there is restoration and redemption waiting for you. Where there is breath, there is life and where there is life, there is ALWAYS hope. Don’t waste the time you’ve been given. Life is fleeting and when it’s gone it doesn’t come back. I pray the next time that voice starts to lie to you, telling you to use, that you’ll realize that voice comes with half-truths. It brings just enough truth for you to be willing to listen to what it has to say. But a half-truth is a whole lie. So instead of listening, I hope you remember that and you fight it, I hope you remember that there is an army behind you of men and women who have stood where you are and won the battle. No, we can’t enter the arena with you, as addiction is a one on one fight and though the odds may seem like they aren’t in your favor I hope our cheers from the sidelines let’s you know they are and you WILL win. Our cheers and encouragement, the wisdom many here can offer will help push you forward. We may not be able to pick up the sword for you but we can stand beside you until your screams of pain become roaring sounds of triumph.
I’m rooting for you. I believe in you. There is still so much beauty to be found despite all that’s been lost. This I KNOW
Welcome Joshua, it is scary there is alot of be scared of, failure, relapse, anxiety depression I can go on
But are you afraid to be successful?
I can sit here and list all the shitty things addiction can do to a person, but you already know you experienced them all.
But what can success do for you? A sober life without the pains of relapse, withdrawals, being broke and a slave to your addiction?
Welcome. It is hard and scary and soul sucking, but we can get healthy and heal. One minute at a time. This is a great place to reach out when craving. Take each moment as it comes and remember you are fighting for your life. You are worthy of a clean and healthy life. The world needs you here. 
Thank you for the kind words, the support, the moral, the fight song. I am so desperate so very desperate. I have a long fight ahead of me, I have a silent one, and I feel alone. It helps so much to know I’m not by myself and that another side is attainable. I wish I could say I am strong and cried my last tears as I get to work but I fight tears all the time. I’m ready for this emotional, physical, and spiritual journey. I have to do it. My life depends on it.
Thank you all for the words of wisdom, encouragement, and support. I’m not going anywhere. I do fear the battle that I’m about to fight. One that I have attempted so many times before. This time I fight, day 1 is down, I fear tomorrow, I fear the next hour, the next minute and what it will bring me to fight against.
I found myself stuck in an addictive cycle again, and though we didnt have the same DOC I felt a lot of the same fears and the big fear was…ive said id quit, inside to myself, so many time wtf was going to make this go any different??? For me the hard one was the fuck it, the automation and the need to ease that tight coil I felt. It was already clear this wasnt solving or helping anything in my life, I KNEW it so what the heck was going to help me?
I found coming here was really helpful.
I made a list of all of my triggers - big things and even little things like habits, and tried to list them in a sort of order of BIG to small.
I then wrote out things I could do to avoid certain triggers or what I could do instead for the BIG ones I could not avoid.
I think we all find different things that help and its trial and error. But checking in here when I felt a craving really helped.
Naming the craving helped to. Like oh hey, thats what you are. Okay. Why are you here now? What are you looking for? What can I do? Distract, talk to others, etc.
Wishing you all the strength in the world these next few days. Try to keep it one day at a time, check in and chat about here. Most important - dont give up! Many of us fall an awful lot before we find what sticks. The work on self is worth it, and we all go through it at our own pace. If you can find someonebyou trust to help you through XO. WE HERE FOR YOU!!
I have a journal, I am definitely going to be taking keen observation to the triggers of cravings. Taking note to what I was doing, what brought it on, and why. I know this early in the game they are going to be constant.
Hi Joshua,
Here where I live (the Netherlands) it is Christmas. It’s 6: 39 in the morning and I’m enjoying my early morning alone downstairs while everybody is sleeping.
It’s one of the gifts of my recovery: start the day with energy and well rested.
A cup of coffee and my cat besides me does the rest. It wasn’t always like this.
More then 5 years ago most of the mornings I was feeling hangover and I couldn’t remember what I did the night before.
When I had enough of my alcohol addiction I found this app and that helped me so much.
I hope it help you as much!
I’m not familiar with a meth addiction, but if you type in “meth” above in the search bar you will find many treads about it.
What I do know is that it’s important to focus on today and how to get trough it clean.
Never crave alone, but come here instead!
There is always someone around to talk to! 
Push trough and this will be a clean Christmas!
How about that? 
You are correct, your life does depend on it Joshua. However, I know you can and believe you will win this fight. It won’t always be this hard. It’s ok to cry and feel overwhelming emotions, it’s how God created us. It’s what makes us human, as your sober journey continues they won’t hit as intensely. You’ll learn as you travel down this road called recovery that if you want to truly live you must take life on life’s terms, the good and the bad. I’m doing so you’ll see just as love binds us so does suffering and that is why we must endure both. Life, a dance of joy and pain.
You asked for prayers, so I assume it’s ok to say this next part. I was raised Pentecostal and though I walked away from it what I can tell you is, God is the same God on the mountain tops as he is in the valleys. He had you in his sights and held you in his hands from the moment you took your first breath out of your mothers womb and he has you still even now. You are never alone. This does not have to be a silent battle. I found that laying myself out there in my honest, raw truth was the key to my freedom. There is a beautiful liberation that comes with brutal honesty about who we are and have been. Not all feel comfortable doing that which I understand and I’ve gotten harsh treatment by some who don’t understand addiction but the positive that has come has undoubtedly been far greater.
Much love and respect to you Joshua! May your travels on this bittersweet journey called recovery be straight and swift, may the breaking of you be your rising reach out if ever you need a listening ear!
- from someone who’s traveling through these dark murky waters as well, who’s also trying to be a lighthouse. I suppose we are all both, in one way or another