Just spent my birthday alone

Life in Recovery
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Not gonna lie I feel really upset right now as I’ve just spent my whole birthday alone for the first time in my life.

I’m estranged from my family so rely on my friends for stuff like this now.

Told my best mate and all he said was that weekday birthdays suck, yet he made the effort last year to make sure I wasn’t on my own, but not this time.

I am doing a social thing on Sunday for it, but even still having nobody you know around you on your birthday…it just sucks.

Am I being stupid? Do I just need to man up and get on with it? I’ve never felt so unimportant. I would never let any of my friends be alone like I have been on a birthday or at Christmas.

I just can’t believe this is how my life has turned out.

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I try to practice not having expectations for others. You’re not wrong for how you feel though, it shows you what to work on during your next trip around the sun. I’m sorry that you were alone on your birthday. Happy belated birthday.

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I’m just fed up of being constantly let down. I’m definitely not perfect or better than anyone but checking in with a friend isn’t exactly difficult is it? Especially when they know what burdens I’m already carrying.

I thought friends were supposed to look out for each other. Oh well, not much longer of this day.

And thank you for your reply and birthday wishes :+1:

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Sure but our friendships are not our #1 priority in life. Sometimes life gets messy, sometimes things can be forgotten, sometimes other people are also having a really bad day. The point is that the only person we can hold accountable for disappointing us is ourselves.

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Sending late birthday wishes your way. I’m sorry to hear you’re feeling disappointed. Sending hugs.

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That’s a bit of a cop out to be honest. I’m not asking for someone to parade me on their shoulders and spend the whole day with me.

The reason so many people leave this life of their own accord is usually to a significant degree because nobody was there for them when it matters and they felt there was no other solution.

The older I get the more I understand it.

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Heyyy @scorpi_92. :slight_smile:

Happy birthday today,
to you, for you.

Im guessing it was a slow day
Slow days arnt fun. I like to be up moving with lots of time ahead of me

Today, my day totaly sucked
From my 1st coffee thismorning till right now :slight_smile:

Snd today is my 700th day in a row of streight sobriety, including even cbd gummies and any form of nicotine lolol

My day celebrating my 700th day was ..
..
..walking around with a backpack from 6am to 10am
..going to a online AA meeting surrounded by posion oak
..getting a yummy special drink (only good part)
..i got yelled at all day by different people

..then when it settled i tried to remind just 2 people its ok to let go of their past and be ok
..all of them yelled at me more

So today on my 700th day of sobriety im left cluless

But hey
Atleast i have work tomorrow
Some people might have a day off to rest, i feel sorry for those guys lol

Message me anytime
Id like to talk more

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It sounds like you need professional help if you’re having those thoughts. If you’re unhappy with how a friendship is going find different friends that will match your energy. What I said wasn’t a cop-out for other people it’s just the cold, hard truth. The only person we can maybe make love us the way we want is ourselves. This doesn’t mean that you won’t find the people that match your expectations.

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Happy Birthday! I’m sorry you are feeling let down about spending the day alone. I see you said you had plans to celebrate on Sunday with people. Maybe try to focus on that instead. Lots in life can leave us feeling down . It’s helpful to focus on the positives instead. Practicing gratitude everyday is a great tool to help with this.

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If a friend said these words to YOU would you tell them they are being stupid? I am guessing you would not. Your feelings are just how you feel and it’s not stupid. I am sorry this birthday sucked @scorpi_92. And I hope when you are celebrated on Sunday it will ease the disappointment you are feeling today. :purple_heart:

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Happy birthday :balloon:

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Happy birthday Scorpi :birthday_cake::glass_of_milk::grin:

I’ve learned as I get older that my birthdays become less of a focus for other people. Hardly anyone remembers and if it wasn’t for Facebook I doubt I’d get many happy birthday texts. I have to organise my own get togethers or it wouldn’t happen. As @Dan531 said, life is messy, you never know what’s happening in other people’s lives, and no one can make us happy except ourselves. Today do something to treat yourself. Whatever that is. However small. You deserve it.

Another whirl around the sun :sun: is such an achievement​:sports_medal:that is denied to many. You are important. You are​:yellow_heart:loved​:yellow_heart:

If you truly are having dark thoughts, you MUST seek professional help. There are things can take them away and make you feel more positive.

I hope you have a day filled with grace and kindness :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

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Happy birthday @scorpi_92 :sunflower::confetti_ball::woman_dancing::musical_note::musical_notes:
I’m late to the party but anyway HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU :musical_notes::musical_note::musical_notes::musical_note::musical_notes::musical_note:

I mostly spend my birthdays alone, that’s fine, i do what i like, have fun, open my favourite variety of apple juice (special order for this day!) and munch my favourite sandwiches nobody else likes :grin:

my friends … some think of it, some forget, some notice my whatsapp happy birthday to me status and call or text. i’m sure my familiy upstairs in heaven hugs & kisses me, they are long gone. my chosen family reaches out in the family chat as someone always remembers and the rest hops on the congrats train (we are a big tribe).

the point is: the day is what you make of it. your mindset, approach, how you communicate that you would like to connect … it’s your choice.
i hate going out on my birthday, i love to be home and have a marvellous ME day. when i want to talk to certain people, i call them.
i noticed frienships fading out because lifes take different directions. that’s ok, space for new lovely people whenever they come into my life.
celebrate yourself, it’s YOUR start to a new trip around the sun.

i know it can feel hard and lonely when we expect others to think of us and they don’t or don’t have time for us. getting comfortable in being happy alone and grateful for what comes along is a process.
we all can learn it :hugs:

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Spent birthday alone again
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Happy belated birthday! I also spent mine alone this week. Not every birthday has to be special or celebrated.
I sometimes feel alone too, but you have to remember: you are still loved and you are important to your closest people. I am sorry youre feeling this way! Next year will be different, dont be sad
@erntedank said it very well! On point!

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oh i forgot a very important to me point!
i did and will always prefer spending my birthday alone with myself over it being ruined by my exhusband! being treated loveless or dealing with an annoyed drunken husband is a shitty way to spend a birthday. if this were the only two options in the world i would choose me as my best company, so i could ruin the day by myself if i wanted to.

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To avoid disappointment, expect less of others.

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Happy Birthday i dont celebrate anymore just grateful this old fart got another year lol,

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Happy birthday! :sunflower::tada:

I hear you. I value my birthdays, I always have. They’re special to me. Sometimes I get to spend it with friends (and family), sometimes not. I’ve learnt that I am the one to make the day special.

I’ve been there, too, wondering where my friends were when I’ve needed them. The loneliness you feel is soul crushing and it can eat you alive. We need others, we are not 100% self-sufficient. Yet, there’s another side to the coin, and that is codependency. I’m not diagnosing here, only telling about my experience. I was so afraid of being rejected that I made myself the best possible friend there was. I went all out for my friends. I did that so that they would be the best possible friend to me, too, and always be there for me. Well, they weren’t, and I felt betrayed. So it was all transactional from my side. I had to keep working on myself and my inner healing. I have to give others freedom to choose me. Without freedom, there is no love. Certainly I can expect things (like honesty, loyalty, reliability) from friends but I’m not entitled to their time, affection or money.

You can tell your friend how you feel. You can express your disappointment. However, if you do it in an accusatory way, it’s just going to drive them further away.

I’m sorry for your struggles and loneliness. I hope you’re able to do something special. You are special!

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Olivia this is me. I have one friend that does reciprocate but often has other understandable priorities and it’s not always equal. With others though that betrayal hits hard though. Even if the person wasn’t aware of your desire for them to equally reciprocate. I expected them to. Which quite honestly is expecting people to read my mind :rofl:

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First of all, I want to wish you a very happy birthday. A very happy birthday, because being alive for another year is something worth celebrating.

I understand that if you’re on this forum, it’s because you’re worried about your sobriety besides being alone. But before anything else comes your sobriety, regardless of the substance you’re struggling with. I want you to remember — at least, this is my opinion — that this is the most important thing. What matters most is making it through one more day sober, without using.

In the world we live in, it’s difficult to think of solitude as something positive. And although Scripture says that it is not good for man to be alone, those of us who have experienced addiction know that there are many, many different ways of being in bad company.

So value yourself. Learn to be comfortable with yourself. One of the most important things I’ve learned in sobriety is to love myself and to forgive myself. And part of that means being comfortable in my own company. When I was using, I deeply hated myself. I couldn’t stand being with myself, and that was one of the reasons I constantly wanted to escape.

In my opinion, being alone isn’t necessarily a bad thing if you know how to be with yourself. And if you don’t know how yet, it’s something you can learn. That’s one of the challenges we face as people with addictions: learning to love ourselves, to trust ourselves, and even to enjoy our own company.

It’s true that birthdays are special dates, and they can make loneliness feel harder. But there’s nothing that says we have to have a good time. We have no obligation to enjoy ourselves, nor do we have an obligation to make sure everyone else is having a good time.

Sometimes, the only thing that matters is getting through the day sober.

That is the best victory you can have, and perhaps the best birthday gift you can give yourself.

Stay strong, trust yourself, and enjoy being alive.

Happy birthday — and here’s to one more day sober.

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