This sounds so stupid to say but im trying to stop having sex. Im not addicted to sex, however I find myself using that as a coping skill at times. I struggle with depression and anxiety so I take medicine for it. I started to become addicted to the pills and relyed on them along with smoking. I started to hate myself when I didn’t have them because knew that I was addicted. I since then have stopped with the pills and im trying to quit smoking. Around the same time I stopped taking, I started talking to a few guys (im on dating sites lol). I would develop connections with these guys and to my understanding they were interested too but things didn’t go that way and most guys left after sex. I began hating myself and for the past 3 months my depression has been a wave of emotions. I have alot of regret about giving myself to all these different guys so I decided to stop having sex for a while, or atleast until I love myself enough. I told the guys I was talking to about this and most of them don’t talk to me anymore but some of them respect it and have stayed. Yesterday I went over to a guys house and I explained to him what I was doing. He told me he understood but unfortunately we still ended up having sex. I feel terrible about myself and I don’t blame him at all but my friends think he is terrible and not good for me at all. I enjoy being around him but I do see him being a problem. I fear that if I stay away from him that I’m gonna look for other things to replace feelings (the same things that happened with pills & sex). I don’t know what to do honestly, I just want to be happy.
It doesn’t sound stupid at all. Only do what you want to do. You’re smart to seek guidance if unsure and confused.
That’s the thing, I wanted to do it but after I felt so bad about myself. I had to start my time over which sucked and I just hate myself for not having enough control to say no😕
You live and you learn. We all have done plenty of things we regret. Clearly in hindsight you didn’t want to do it. Next time, if uncomfortable, try your best to avoid making the same mistakes. It’s all you can do. Don’t beat yourself up over it.
Agree on live and learn one day at time
I think that is what I’m going through. I have tried to cut alot of people off, some are harder than others and I think that’s the thing I’m struggling with the most. What helped you with letting people go and to focus on yourself?
I am also a co-dependant… struggling with relationships and how to connect and not over connect or go out of contact. With the sexual part I experience no trouble since I gave that up now for a while and when tip toeing into dating land I realise I am still not ready. The good guys I run from not to project my pain on them and the ‘bad’ ones still trigger me.
I guess it comes down to refinding a sense of self (esteem) over and over again. And acting from that. I have over the years unconsciously been so scared of loosing people or being treated badly that I clung to the few close to me leading to handling from fear and acting rigid. Now I lost all people and hope to go beyond the fear.
Maybe for you with the no sex desire for now try not talk about it with the people you date etc but find ground for yourself in this resolution until strong enough to step out into the world again. Share here and contemplate.
It is for us like being sober from alcohol, in early days talking it over with a bottle of wine will do us no good 
Co-dependency or love addiction is hard to process and probably will take a life time. It is part of our personality and is intertwined with our basic instinct for connection and safety.
Give yourself that credits, you are perfect as you are and the main thing is to feel safe. 
Hi @Randii20 you are not alone in this! You’ve already gotten some great advice here, take those to heart and learn about codependency and love and sex addiction. You can use the magnifying glass up top. You can also use the internet and there are support groups for these issues which help a lot of people.
It is very smart you are seeing this behaviour in yourself and brave you are tackling it! Cudos! Like with ever addiction, you are trying to fill a void, escape something, avoid dealing with something in yourself. Only you can find out what that is. I do therapy to deal with these things in myself. It’s hard work. It’s also hard work to stop codependent relationships. It’s best the leave the dating for now. Invest in non romantic friendships with people who are good at setting their own boundaries i.e. don’t get over-involved. but most importantly work on your relationship with yourself.
Hope you stick around! All the best!
You might not be. You are, however, leaning into sex as you would lean into an intoxicant.
The verbiage is not really important. What is, is that it’s hurting you.
So, he gave you lip service. I don’t think it’s wise to hang onto that. Isn’t this like being an alcoholic going to a party and saying, “I just won’t drink.”
This won’t happen if you start learning to deal with your feelings. I totally get an addictive personality. I can plug anything into an addiction, anything to keep my brain away from what’s really going on.
Recovery Dharma has Co-Dependency meetings. There is one on Sunday 9am CST.
@Randii20 here’s a link that you might find helpful https://slaafws.org/newcomers I attend SLAA meetings for sex and love addiction and they also really help with codependency. If inperson meetings aren’t available where you are or you’re not comfortable with them zoom meetings are going on almost all the time.