So I had a live in fiance when my active addiction took me back out. She ended up leaving after I told her I had a problem. Some loyalty huh? Lol! Anyway I have cleaned up my act and we have been talking. She is only 27 and I’m 38 (I’m either cock of the walk or a huge dummy) anyway it seems that she has to always be right, never keeps promises of coming to see me and when I tell her about my problems/issues she says it’s always about me. I’m thinking she’s either a narcissist or just to young and we don’t mesh. Problem is while I was still using,I co-signed for a car for her so we are kinda tied together. My question is let it die or continue to try to see if we can make it work? Any advice is appreciated brothers and sisters!
It sounds exhausting!
“I’m thinking she’s either a narcissist or just to young and we don’t mesh.”
Maybe step back and see how it plays out.
Keep it going, until she refinances the car. Maybe just use it as a tool when she’s shutting you down. Say, “Yeah, I might have some issues, but my FICO score is higher”. If she’s a narcissist, she’ll run out and get a car loan.
Then walk away. If you cut it off now, you might as well plan to pay for a car you can’t drive. Kinda like alimony, when you think about it.
Good advice Yoda. I wasn’t even thinking of that.
I already can’t drive the car. She took it. I’m just the co-signer.
Good morning Brother. I myself find it dificult to give advise on something that affects 2 people while only hearing your side (wich is VALID)
Id say counseling if its available.
A book recomendation. HOLD ME TIGHT by Dr Sue Johnson…
It helped me .
My 2 cents
Let. It. Die.
As a woman, if we don’t support the men we date (this doesn’t mean that we have to agree), then we don’t respect the men we date. If she can’t be quiet and listen to what you have to say, it means she just doesn’t want to hear it. Focus on yourself. Keep her at arms length and only communicate to assure that the car is being paid for.
Trust me when I say, there are women out there who have the emotional capacity to treat you better. Take time making yourself the best possible person and you will find that you attract the best possible partner.
If you do let it die make sure you keep up with where she is living or working because rest assured she will stop making payments. Especially with all of this craziness going on and business having to close. If you know where she is you’ll know where the car is and you can repo it
Check with an attorney to see how to do that in your state before you just go and get it. I’d go and have a spare key made. You really shouldn’t have co signed for the car. Unless you are married to someone do not mix money or finances. There is nothing to hold her there legally.
Hopefully this doesn’t end up being a case on judge Judy.
Biiiig difference in maturity and where you’re at in life when there’s an 11-year age gap.
I’m 31, if I were I single I would never eeeeever go for someone thats 20. I’d be hesitant to go 25 really.
Based on what you wrote…she doesn’t respect you. Partners don’t treat eachother like that. She regularly tells you she’s going to come see you and then doesn’t show? Actions speak louder than words.
@TMAC it really depends on the person when you speak of maturity. When I was 23 I had a BF who was 40. He was separated from his wife. About a year after he left her she wound up in the hospital in traction with some kind if neck issue. With no family near by their 3 sons were taken in by 3 different neighbors. I asked him if he was going home. He said no. I really lost all respect for him and I told him to grow up and go take care of his boys in one house. I gave him a good chewing out but I won’t go into the details. So at 23 I was a little more mature than a 40 year old, no?
However, I agree, this “girl” acts like a high school kid.
There’s obviously exceptions, but speaking in general - and it can go both ways.
Let it go and move on inside quietly if you can. Keep it together and be strong outside until the car is taken care of. And, yes, she is too young for you. Age difference doesn’t matter around mid-thirties in my opinion. Before that she is finding herself and I think if there was a “better” option, she would just leave in a hearbeat.You deserve better.
You can do this. It is crushing but I had to live in the same house after my husband fell in love with my best friend and our roommate for one year. They didn’t sleep together he said, who knows. I was 27. I loved him to death. I have not been able to love like that ever since. Too scared to have my life turn upside down when my partner and I go our own ways.
I have to thank him for making me a strong person. I deserved better.
I’d cut losses… maintaining sobriety is hard enough by itself. Any relationship worth keeping shouldn’t be real difficult. Just my 2 cents. Good luck bud.
She’s obviously “The Shoe”! And unfortunately your " The Crap"(not really). And she just Keeps on Stepping All Over You! It truly pisses me off when I hear that someones partner doesn’t give a damn about your addiction.Especially, doesn’t give a damn about helping you get better.I’m sorry but my personal opinion is you’re better than that. I would let it go! (Jus Sayin’)
She probably is a little immature. A lot changes for people in 10yrs. You def need to keep a friendly connection because of the business but you clearly are in doubt of it working as a relationship. You never know though,while keeping a friendly connection something may bloom if you both want that with one another.
I’m on the cut your losses boat. The loan is of concern though. How long have payments been made? Has her credit improved since the loan was taken out? I insisted that my soon to be ex-husband either sold the truck I co-signed for or refinanced it. I had a little legal backing to do so though. She might be able to trade in and get her own loan at this point. That’s what my stbx ended up doing.