So, I’m a researcher. When I drank, I used to have crazy, beyond the curve ideas for research and writing. I could, madly, think about the world itself and find something wrong that deserved some explanation, “to begin when I stop this binge.”
Now it’s been a month and 12 days clean and I see such creativity and imagination waning. I don’t know if it’s a collateral effect from the meds, but I feel like… “Things are just the way they are”. I could pick up some productive shrapnel from a distressed, distorted mind and turn them into something. Now I’m just… paralyzed.
Talking to my peers (specially the missus) usually gives me some ideas, but I feel that the crazy, mad drive to dive myself into it kinda waned. It used to be hours of non-stop writing, then a big drinking night, repeat that the next day. The drinking was a “reward” for my production, and something that kinda made me… happy about what I did.
I guess it’s one of these topics about “what to make about our lives without using”. I needed to share this. Cheers.
Thank you so much for this, Liv. Thank you. It’s the best opinion article I’ve ever read. It kinda turned me upside down and back into place after reading it. I, sorry for the joke, was CRAVING for such a thing.
Continued and prolonged alcohol abuse has profound effects on the brain’s chemistry and quitting brings these effects to the surface. You notice the acute withdrawals almost right away after quitting, uneasy feeling, night sweats, shakiness, headache, nausea etc. But the post acute withdrawals can affect you for up to a year, maybe more, this can include brain fog, fatigue, depression, anxiety etc.
Creativity is a function of the brain and in early recovery, you’re brain is still healing, so it may not work like before; give it time to heal and it will.
Six weeks is still pretty early in the healing process. Healing also depends on how much damage from drinking or drugs.
I damaged myself alot. I’m healing.
Be patient, fill your time thinking about creating without expectations.
Try new mediums for creativity to occupy yourself too.
If writing is your favorite medium try writing about different subjects.
Don’t be you harshest critic when you do write.
If you mostly drank when you write, it’s going to feel different.
My mind always tries to trick me into thinking sobriety sucks. It tries from every angle. That could be part of what’s happening. New Meds? That could be a huge factor. It could be a compilation of many things.
Ill definitely miss the feeling of getting super high and “in the zone” to paint, and psychedelic drug experiences from years ago have influenced my style in the recent past.
Ill also miss the bottles of wine or beer as i write. Real ~tortured artist~ energy i have had for a while.
But ultimately its less about the artistic aesthetic or deceptive feelings of freedom.
Its about the process, the creative process and developing through it discipline and flow and intuition. Slowly becoming more intentional and incisive.
We are at vaguely similar times sober, and i have also seen a drop. I am not too worried about it. I circulate between writing, painting, and different mediums/styles. Ive done a few things now and then, and eventually will begin building larger canvases.
Maybe try a new medium, or go back to the notes you made on an old thing from long ago?
Whatever works for you, and maybe my experience didnt resonate,
Your creativity isnt dead! Just give it time, our brains and innate creativity are resilient
My artistic side has been on hold for over a decade. From 2009 onwards it’s all been science, which of course may be somehow artsy. I had an article published this year, but I’m stuck on the conclusion of another - The one about covid and psychotherapy. I want to publish it until June - so time is a bit on my side. I’ll go swimming tomorrow and maybe diving with my eyes closed may fresh up me mind a bit!
nice!