Last week my liver(?) started hurting. Last night (day 2), hallucinations. 30/f

I feel so weird and alone. This will probably be extremely disjointed and hard to follow, I’m having a very difficult time focusing. I just really need some coping techniques, I’m on day 3 and I’ve never done this before.
My drink of choice is silly. Carlos Rossi sangria, the embarrassingly big 3 liter glass jugs. I’ve never been a day drinker, a work-sipper, none of that. I come home from work (I own a small local business), pour myself a 16 oz glass of wine, and cook dinner for my boyfriend and two kids. I love trying new recipes, the more fiddly and difficult the better! I’ll continue to top up my glass until I’ve downed 1/3 of the bottle. That’s the rule I’ve set myself, the bottle has to last 3 days.
There’s not much more to say, I’ve been drinking like this for about 16 months or so, after a 12 month sobriety due to pregnancy and having a newborn. Then I slowly started adding back a glass or two a night. Prior to that, I was on the same schedule: a liter of sangria a night. Give or take a glass, I usually always waste 8-10 oz on the night I buy the bottle because I fall asleep before I finish the last glass.
Anyway. Last Wednesday I made this amazing dinner. Sweet corn and green onions fried in bacon drippings, tiny toothpick kebabs of 2 dime-sized bacon pieces with green beans stacked between and baked in a sauce of brown sugar, coconut oil and a dash of soy sauce, baked potatoes, and a store bought rotisserie. It was amazing, omg.
I also drank half the 3 liter bottle of sangria.
The next morning my stomach felt weird. On the right side, below my ribcage, kinda to the right of my belly button. It felt like… im not sure, a vague, non-descript discomfort. Like air caught in a place without nerve endings? Like the beginning of food poisoning, when things are just starting to feel wrong?
I had filled my sangria bottle to 2/3 full with water so my bf didnt judge me. I wasnt very hungry and i knew something was wrong, but i drank my watered down liter anyway. That night that ball of weirdness sort of burned, sort of ached.
The next day I just wasnt hungry. At all. All day. I could have stomach flu and I’ll still be able to eat, I always have an appetite. But I just felt full and blocked off at that same part of my stomach. I tried to eat and could only manage a bite or two.
So I started researching blockages, liver cleansing, toxicity. And my symptoms seemed to match so many of the markers for alcoholic liver… whatever.
I poured my sangria down the drain. Didnt drink at all that night.
The next day (saturday) I went to my mom’s to make dinner and had a glass with her. Still couldnt eat, still wasn’t even hungry, still felt like I was blocked (even though I’d gone to the bathroom 3 times that morning).
Sunday comes. Still not hungry, but dizzy. Eat a few crackers at breakfast, don’t even think about food during work, come home and make myself scrambled eggs and only manage a few bites. Just not hungry. That night, I don’t sleep well, even with the sleeping pills (i take 2-3 diphen whatever almost nightly).
Next morning, Monday, I’m feeling antsy and overly energetic, like I need to be doing something. My bf and I go shopping for my older son’s bday party and the anxiety I was feeling about the party disappears. I’ve planned ahead, i feel good. We go home, do some work in the backyard and I discover HUNDREDS of Squash Bugs have taken over my 3 pumpkin plants. Thankfully, I’d also just discovered that dawn and water in a spray bottle is super effective at dispatching them. So I gleefully murdered an entire nation on each plant.
That night, (last night) I wanted a drink pretty badly. I expected it, was ready to be irritable, dealt with it, went to bed.
Cant sleep
Get up, take a 4th sleeping pill.
Cant sleep.
At 1am, bf comes to bed. I happen to glance out the window in our room… and I see the unmistakable long black leg of a kitten-sized squash bug climbing the umbrella on our porch table.
Clearly, I’m seeing things, which I also expectes and was prepared to ignore it and go to sleep.
Cant sleep. Every time I close my eyes I see hoards of squash bugs climbing towards my face, bursting out of the wall, crawling on the blankets. So i open my eyes, cause im not about to fall into THAT dream. Suddenly I hear a man’s voice outside. I look out the windiw again and see several young men jumping the wall into the corner of our yard. They’re jumping into our yard, one stands on the wall, and maybe they’re handing him things from our yard?
I hear a man shout something, then someone else scream “CALL 911!”. Then lots of shouting and screaming, and I’m thinking maybe my neighbors are having a party and it’s getting out of hand? I get up and go to anither room in he house and cant hear or see anything anymore. Weird. In my bedroom, I can ALMOST make out the conversations these people are having, but in the living room, nothing. So I’m hallucinating still. Great.
I go back to bed and realize the umbrella outside is moving. Like someone is closing it. I realize at thst point that the men I saw in the yard earlier are trying to steal the table. Im very still, not wanting to wake my bf unless im certain.
This is all so long winded and stupid, I’m sorry. I ended up convincing myseld that the men iutside had a tiny camera on a stick and had opened the sliding door into our room and were using the camera to find us, so someine else could point the gun in, around the curtain, and shoot us.
Eventually I must have passed out.
I woke up feeling like hell. So dizzy, so disoriented and confused. When I told my bf what happened, he immediately bought a small bottle of wine (!!!l) and said that I needed to taper off slowly, that I could be in serious danger of having a seizure or going into shock. If i hadnt gone through what i did last night, i would have laughed at him, but I was shocked and appalled to realize that my body was physically addicted. I honestly thought it was 100% a mental crutch I had, never in a billion years would I have expected to experiece withdrawal symptoms. I never had before, when I quit drinking cold turkey for both pregnancies.

huh. ya know, I sat down to write this because I was so anxious and antsy and irritated and needed help figuring out how to get through tonight… but now I feel better. Much better. I really didn’t want to have to “taper off”. I told him to hide the wine and only give it to me in dixie-cup sized doses if I had another bad night. Mostly I just didnt want to have to restart my timer on this app for a dixie cup of wine to keep the hallucinations away. But now I feel almost normal. Maybe I can even eat something. Okay, well, good talk. Have a great one!

3 Likes

Intriguing. Haha
Honestly I have been filling up bottles since I was a kid, my parents found out most of the time.
I recognize that feeling in your side, I believe they said mine was an ulcer but I knew it was becoming something more…and that terrified me.Its half the reason I quit.I am a binge drinker so my body has handle things differently. I did take zzquil the first 2 weeks to help me sleep …I believe it has alcohol in it but a small percentage. Anyway after I stopped that I needed to keep my sleep patterns getting normal so I bought melatonin…it works amazing.Try it out maybe? My dizziness and migraines and tiredness came after the zzquil, melatonin and other vitamins have helped alot.
Please be mindful that your body CAN go in to shock…its very dangerous and your bf is looking out for your health.He seems to care alot, and that is SO good to have .Trust me I know how lucky I am that my husband helps me in my recovery.
Check in to let us know how you are doing please.

I’m being very stubborn here, lol. I just feel like if I have to restart my timer for a dixie cup, I might as well have a glass. Or the entire thing. I just got up to make dinner (it’s 9:30pm, but I’m hungry) and nearly fell over. Bf caught me wobbling about in the kitchen and is frustrated with me that I wont taper off. But! I also know that I am a terrible hypochondriac. For all I know, I’m not actually experiencing anything physical tonight at all. It could just be my subconscious knowing there’s wine in the house and if my physical symptoms are bad enough, I’ll be justified in drinking.
Im honestly not sure if what I feel is real or if it’s an excuse.

Thank you so much for the advice on the supplements, btw. I’m taking 5-htp and L-tyrosine and without them, there’s NO WAY i’d have made it this far. It’s amazing how much better I felt about 30 mins after I took my dose this morning.

1 Like

That’s good!I’m glad you are taking that stuff.
Well If you don’t have a doctor you might want to seriously consider tapering off monitored by your bf.It sounds like it’d be bad for you and that you’d go back to drinking more, but they do it alot for people who are used to drinking every day maybe look up more about it?
It’s not about whether or not you want to stop, you already know you want to stop, but it’s about your overall well being.I know what you mean though that it could feel like what’s the point then?
I swear I email my doctor for everything she is probably so annoyed with me sometimes but she always helps me out. Only you know what your body is telling you, noone else.I don’t think you are overreacting or imagining it.This is common.

I wish I had a doctor! I don’t currently have insurance (I know, I know). Even if I did, I was raised with the belief that you only go to doctors when things are broken. I see my eye doctor and gyno yearly but other than that, I have zero idea WHO i’d call or go see about this stomach issue.
When it comes to things like addiction, I’ve never, ever talked to anyone about the many things I’ve dealt with. 18 years of bulimia, 6 year adderall and meth habit came and went, and this tendency to drink nightly (never binge, always a steady stream). I have this horrible fear that if I ever talked to a professional, they would take my kids.
Regardless, as I said, I have no idea how one even goes about finding a doctor for “vague stomach pain possibly related to alcohol abuse” and getting an appointment.

Thank you so much for sharing. I suggest tapering. I know you don’t want to reset your timer but you NEED to sleep and your body really really needs to adjust to going without alcohol slowly. I know this first hand. Today was day 1 without any alcohol and I had to taper after 3 weeks of intermittent binging ending in 5 days of full on morning to night drinking. I had seizures from going cold turkey almost 5 years ago. Was sober for 4 years after that incident. You could go to an ER and tell them you’re going through withdrawal and they can give you Ativan for your symptoms but without insurance that could be expensive. I’m sorry you’re going through this. You need to establish care with a primary to get a some blood work done, check your liver enzymes. They won’t take your children unless there’s evidence of neglect or abuse which it doesn’t sound like there is.

I ended up taking everyone’s advice, drank 4 oz and dropped off to sleep almost instantly. Later this morning the weirdness in my stomach turned into actual pain right about the time I realized how incredibly thirsty I was. Chugged a bottle of water, instant relief. Several hours later the thirst returns, followed by the pain, which then radiates around to my back.
I described it to a friend of mine who tells me it sounds like a kidney infection.
A couple amoxycillin and water bottles later, the pain is calming down. Maybe it was never my liver after all!

2 Likes

It’s okay alot of people dont, but there are ways of treating yourself by taking care of your body with lots of natural things.One thing I really like is called Kombucha it’s a drink that is so damn good for your body, look it up.Its cheaper to get it in bulk from Costco but it’s very good for you and will help your body.
I’d look up ways to help heal stomach ulcers food wise.My doctor had me on the BRAT diet for awhile…but that was when I was drinking.
Drinking and lots of ibuprofen are what caused mine, might be the same for you?
I don’t think they would take your kids but maybe try to look up some info about it.
You have to take credit of your body so you can be there for them.
I don’t think your pain is vague in fact I think out body’s let us know when something feels very wrong.When I was drinking last I’d drink and feel this burning pain in my stomach that I never had before…it really freaked me out but I kept drinking…I no longer have that because I quit drinking and am changing my eating habits.
I wish you the best and even if you have to taper off at least it’s for good reason not out of weakness.

1 Like

You might also be dehydrated if water helped you…Your body usually let’s you know.Your symptoms sound alot like mine.Drink lots of water, stay away from citrus or spicy. Also try out different probiotic drinks or yogurt.
You know what helps heal stomach ulcers but is gross??cabbage juice.Its REALLY REALLY good for you…I mean maybe it is good and not gross I haven’t tried it but it sounds funny to me to try lol

1 Like

Thank you! I really think all the pain and confusion was due to a kidney infection all along. Within hours of taking the first dose of Amoxicillin, the dragging pain in my back was gone, my side pain had all but disappeared, and I wasnt all foggy and confused anymore.
A BIG part of me was thinking, “it was never my liver! I can start drinking again!”. But I’m saving over $30 a week by not drinking, and with my kid’s birthday on Saturday, Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas coming, my budget is spread pretty thin.
I went to bed at 8pm, last night and slept til 7am this morning. I feel amazing.

2 Likes

I’m so glad you feel better!!that’s awesome
We definitely save so much money it’s crazy.
Nobody is in charge of you but yourself however I do hope you stay away from the alcohol it weakens your immune system so much .
Good luck with everything

2 Likes

Could i maybe juice a cabbage and hide the flavor under a bunch of other fruits?

You know I’m not sure but you can always try it??