Tomorrow is my IT Christmas Party, just my department going for dinner…
I don’t want to disclose my sobriety for fear of judgement, especially so early on when I’m so emotional…
I’ve mentioned that I have an early morning on Saturday so I won’t be drinking and also that I had a heavy Christmas so stepping away from the bar.
But I know there will be booze and peer pressure!
Anyone have advice on anything they’ve been through when it comes to staying mentally strong in social situations?
I know that in early sobriety it’s best to wait until you’re stronger but I’m one of the managers and also organised this a month ago when I was still at the bottom of 2 bottles of wine a day
Dry January is always a totally valid excuse. If not, anti-biotics, training for a marathon or “I really overdid it at Christmas, and can’t even smell it without boaking right now,” will do the job.
There is a strong possibility that a voice in your head is going to say, “Nope. Can’t do it tonight. Go back to sobriety tomorrow, but you can’t get through this without a drink, so just go ahead.”
Before you reach for a glass or order that round, take an extra beat and ask yourself these questions:
Why do you want a drink right now?
What would happen if you didn’t drink?
Would that kill you?
How will you feel about it tomorrow if you do drink?
How would you feel if you don’t?
Good luck, and let us know how you get on!
I’ve been in situations like that and I concentrate on mingling with everyone. Also, always have a glass in your hand of something sparkly like gingerale, 7up, etc. Later, you can switch to coffee. I found that when I didn’t drink I began to notice the people that weren’t drinking either, and the ones that drank too much.
Most of us are really nervous about how other people will react to us not drinking. In the vast majority of cases, no one cares! You obviously care because it’s a big deal to you. But to other people, it’s not their drinking problem and they will be more focused on whatever social hangup they are dealing with.
You’ve already said you won’t be drinking and you’ve got an early morning planned - how did people react to that?
In the unlikely event that anyone does push it, well they’re a dick. Just tell them you’re not drinking tonight and ask why they care so much.
Have a plan of what you will drink and be prepared to leave early. Again, no one cares if you leave early. They will either leave early themselves (I was so surprised when I first stopped drinking how much less than me most other people drank!) or they will be getting on it. They will get on with getting on it whether you’re there or not.
Try and enjoy it! Being present, able to connect with people on a less superficial level, having interesting conversations that you’ll remember, no worries about what you might say or do or have to live down next time you go in the office. These are good things
If you think your sobriety will be tested, just don’t go. It’s really not a big deal. Say you’re not feeling well if you don’t want to share the details.
I was chatting to a friend the other day about this brilliant realisation that we actually don’t really have to do anything. Of course sometimes (and for some people) having that freedom is easier than others. But we can allow ourselves to get so worked up over things that, in the grand scheme of things really aren’t important.
I try and think of this… Will it matter in 6 months, a year, 5 years? If not then it’s probably not worth worrying about now. Easier said than done, but I find it helps!
This real life advice is priceless… I know I’ll find myself rereading these tomorrow, before and during! So grateful for finding this forum! I will update tomorrow!!
I’ve never noticed how much other people drink so I think it’ll be very educational and fascinating!! I have no desire to drink right now but realistic about the fact that I can only control tomorrow when it’s actually tomorrow
This is super sound advice in my opinion! Go with this, Shazwaz!
I also happen to remember two short episodes Annie grace did on this question. Might be worth a listen if you’re into the podcast thing. I find she often has good ideas.
I wish you a good and successful belated Xmas thing, my work Xmas party is still before me… And I am a barmaid…
I’m interested too!
I had the same thing this last Monday.
Tips:
Say you’re on antibiotics.
Have just mixer in hand in a high ball so it looks like a cocktail.
Get a straight up gingerale and when people say where’s your drink??
Say you’ll have one in a bit after the gingerale has settled your stomach.
I managed to stay sober until I saw everyone else getting that happy tispy… … … they were probably on their 3rd beers about an hour in and we weren’t even half way through the main course.
Took me a few days but I’m back on day 3!
Even though I’m disappointed in myself for caving, it was a great night bonding with my new team…
I’ve never sat with drunk people while sober, in my head, I was expecting people to only start getting tipsy after the meal when the drivers left but that was a BAD guess on my part, it happened so damn quickly!
But, positively, I understand a little about where my safezone threshold ends… I had that voice “make something up to get the hell out of there” but I didn’t feel like I could leave on the 3rd bite of my dinner and the balance started shifting, but that voice was there and I feel stronger knowing I’m not completely lost to my addiction.
