Its only been one week since my spouse and I have stopped drinking. Its like we are meeting for the first time and learning one another from scratch. We have literally spent every night for the last 10 yrs drinking together and this is the only week we have been alcohol free ever. I wonder if I really love him or if he really loves me. Certain things I didnt notice before bother me,and things he has done in the past (not cheating) are almost fresh to me and after years im bringing it up out of no where and starting arguments. It was so easy to mask those issues and put them aside while drinking. He’s really trying to communicate and im pushing him away. I dont know how to have “fun” or have sex or be sober with him. We both work full time and do not drink before or during work but once we get home its game on. Now that we dont have that, were kindda just like “hey.” Its weird and im not getting that "feeling " I thought I would have a week in. I guess I just expected it to come easier, like the happiness part of getting sober and stuff…
The adjustment of being sober is larger than i relealised , especially with relationships i also question the past things thats happened and things that have been said . Others qoute forget the past live the present ok yeah 
somethings can be beneficial to discuss then drop if that makes sense 
then move on , communication is the key once open everything works better 
Remember this new sober relationship is forming for you both slightly differently , take that step back and discuss new fun things to enjoy together
Congratulations on your first week! 
Relationships are very difficult. My husband and I drank and drugged together for years so I can relate to your post. So many issues were pushed under the rug. Getting sober and having all that stuff resurface was an eye opener for both of us. We basically had to start all over and rediscover ourselves and each other. Date nights became a thing for us. Breakfast out on Sunday mornings is something we try to do too. Also, finding fun activities we both enjoy has been a challenge. We keep trying new things. Intimacy is not the same. It used to be fun and exciting with the help of substances. Now it’s much different and still a learning curve. We’re a few years into our sobriety and our relationship is a work in progress. Some days I question why we’re still together and other days I can’t imagine life without him. It’s not easy. I take it one day at a time, just like my sobriety.
All I can say is it takes time and work. It’s suggested that we don’t make any big changes in our lives during the first year of sobriety. Get to know yourself first and then incorporate what you discover into your marriage and see if it’s a fit. More will be revealed in time, so have patience.
There is careful good work that goes into recovery for yourself. You learn how to take care of yourself, perhaps for the first time in your life. It’s a time of attending to your needs for rest, nutritious foods, some activity or exercise and new ways to spend your time. You have to help your body learn to relax and live and sleep without alcohol. It’s an important time to learn all you can about addiction and healthy strategies to get thru cravings.
There is also careful good work that goes into recovery as a couple. You can carefully and respectfully establish boundaries about what you will do together in this marriage and what you need to maintain as separate for yourself. This means some careful thinking and kind talking about the journey you are both on to a healthier life is some work you can do together. If your relationship has revolved around drinking , (which for many drinking couples is normal), the relationship will need new activities and interests to build on. Working with a recovery counselor on this might help.
There is more to quitting drinking than just not putting alcohol into your body. And in the case of a marriage that is going to thrive in sobriety, that project is even bigger. So what can you do?
-
Make some new rituals or routines. These could be things like cooking meals together. Reorganization of household tasks to get them done together and free up time to go do something else fun.
-
Learn about recovery together. Read books or listen to podcasts about the process of recovery and talk about what you learned. How did it resonate with you? What does it make you think of?
-
Make a financial plan together that celebrates your recovery. After my first year sober, I bought myself a new bicycle with the money I had saved by not drinking. Look ahead and visualize life with more money and more time because you are healthier and sober. Do this together and enjoy the planning and the dreaming.
-
Think up things you can do together or individually with your time that do not involve drinking. Interesting people are attractive people. Attractive people can make marriage fun. Are one or both of you interested in a sport, a hobby, a volunteer experience? Can you talk about this in these early weeks and support each other in finding new ways to spend your time? It most definitely does not need to be together, but rather it can be something you can talk about upon your return.
-
Intimacy is enhanced in sobriety as each partner grows in their recovery. You are starting over in many ways and that may mean you change up what and when you try to be intimate. It takes a few weeks for alcohol to really leave your system and it can take a few more weeks or months for sleep cycles to become healthy. Being kind to each other every step of the way can help. Getting a bit of exercise several times a week can get endorphins and other brain chemicals up and running to support your sex drive. And looking to have intimacy provide intoxicating feelings is something to avoid. I don’t know how old you are, but I can comfortably say as a middle aged woman in recovery with a sober husband that you can have a lovely and loving relationship without being chemically altered to do “it”. It may take time to make new routines, but with care and kindness you can find sweet love right there in your marriage.
Most of all, it is very important to know that each of you has your own recovery journey. You are doing that journey next to each and at the same time, so you certainly can share information and experiences, but maintaining clarity for yourself that your drinking and quitting and recovering is your own experience and your own set of decisions and mindsets can keep you each on a healthier path. The couple that drank together can most definitely be sober together. But the actual recovery work of remaking yourself and healing is best done in your own path.
I wish you the best and can assure you that it can be a wonderful journey. It takes deliberate work and commitment and care. 
Ty! Thats great advice!
I really appreciate all you said. Its funny because we have recently been doing Sunday breakfast dates and those have been going great! Like you said, im just doing things day by day right now. Still figuring out how to love myself as well.
This was so well said! I will really take into consideration all the things you mentioned. Ty so much!! All the replies have given me so much hope! Tonight is another night of not drinking, and we are proud about that! Im so glad I downloaded this app!!
Congratulations on your love story
Keep up the work