I’m learning how to look at myself in a different light and love myself more. Over the years of the back and forth, I’ve spent a lot of time self depreciating…looking in tbe mirror and seeing nothing but a terrible person. I’ve tied my existence to my failed recovery and felt like less of a human.
I’m starting to speak positive words to myself to fight the narrative that I’m a piece of shit. I started to remind myself that bad decisions doesn’t necessarily make me a bad person.
Instead of brushing off the love and compliments I get from family and friends because I think I’m trash, I started accepting them and internalizing that I do have good traits and I do take care of my people.
My addiction does not define me. My failed attempts are better than no action at all. I remind myself that I’ve improved every single time and have bounced back.
Ive been having really strong cravings not just for the drug but a lifestyle that no longer serves me. I broke last night but it wasn’t terrible. I caught myself before it could get bad and went home. Just felt the need to put my thoughts into words before I mentally cave. I feel safe here and I appreciate that. I’m cleaning my life up. It feels really good. Through the ups and downs, I’m improving and I’m happier. And I hope someone reading this can also learn to love themselves more too.
