Let downs that peirce your heart

I found out today a best friend of mine basically thinks my sobriety is bullshit and I shouldn’t kid myself because I’ve never succeeded before. I’m not going to let it affect my sobriety because that would be letting that voice inside me that says the same thing win, but damn it hurts. The lack of confidence and support from someone I love is crushing. Why wouldn’t someone who is supposed to love me want me to better my life? I know this says more about her than it does me. I also know she is going through a lot right now and misery loves company, granted that is no excuse for her actions or words against me. Gosh, what a blow. A big thank you for all the support from people on here. It means the world especially when things like this happen. It’s amazing how we can support each other on here and not even know one another aside from this commonality of addiction. It’s beautiful. Thank you.


Well if you know they’re hurting, get out of your feelings and into theirs. Helping others is a great thing and it gets us out of the bad neighborhood that is our brain/thought process.


I plan to. Need some time to process so I don’t lash out for her being such an asshole. Thanks.


People always lash out and try to hurt the ones they love and love them most, because regular people wouldn’t give 2 shits.

Something like “it upsets me that you have so little faith in my recovery” should suffice, then ask them how they are and how they’re feeling, what’s bothering them.

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Sometimes very insecure people are worried that when we get “better”, we will be “better” than them, and won’t want to be friends with them. Money. Weight loss. A new romantic relationship. Lots of things like this can affect a relationship, when one or both are insecure people. Give it some time. Be sober. Be a good friend, in spite of her jealousy and insecurity.

I have found that the better friend that I am, the better friends that I have.


Narcissist rings to mind

I don’t know, I’d just keep it moving. When I first stopped drinking, I had friends who were supportive and some who were not. I didn’t focus on the ones who were not supportive. Couldn’t afford to. If your friend isn’t supportive right now and they don’t have confidence in you, then move along. You can’t argue them out of it. You can only stay sober and show them by your continued sobriety.

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Well, my advice can vary on each friend. My bff is motivated by people doubting her. When she really needs a kick in the ass there are times I’ve told her I dont think she can do it because she doesnt want it bad enough. But generally I encourage others, that’s just who I am and what I do. Unless I’m in a bad space myself, then you never know what may fly out of my mouth so I save those days for talking to my bestie. And we have brutal honesty often. That’s why my best friends are my best friends, good bad or indifferent we are free to feel it all together and learn together. But at the end of the day, we know we have each others ass no matter what. Obviously we try not to hurt each other but there are times honesty may hurt while we try to figure out what is really being said. I’d ask her questions personally. State what she said did bother you as you are trying hard and ask, What makes you feel its bullshit? Do you not feel I’m capable of changing? Or are you afraid of my life changing? Reassure her you will still be there, because she could be speaking from a place of her own insecurity. You have it totally right, what she said is a reflection of where she is, not at all where you are. Stay strong and keep true to yourself! :heart:


What @Yoda-Stevie said! Try not to take it personal, as the issue is with your friend and not you. Focus on you for now and just give it time.

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Thank you for all the perspectives. We have been best friends for a decade and have gone through worse things so I know our friendship will last. People have a tendency to lash out when they are hurting. Caught me off guard. I’m going to continue what I am doin for myself and love her through what she’s going through because that’s my heart.