I do well for months of not drinking and then I get into a fight with my boyfriend or feel like things are out of control and I go back to liquor. And with liquor comes the white powder… and I don’t want it but I’m making those choices while blackout. I am making bad choices because of liquor and my life feels like it’s spiraling and I’m just ready to try something different. Maybe this app will help. Being alone on thanksgiving is not very good for my mental health either. So I’m laying on couch w my dog… trying to order Uber eats but everything is closed. I been invited to couple thanksgivings but I just feel ashamed.
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Sorry to hear you are alone today. In spirit, we are all with you. We are all joined by our common goal. Hope you have a great day with your doggo!
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Welcome to this wonderful community. Take your time and read as much as you can. Participate and reach out for help if needed. There are so many helpful people here. You can do it!
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Welcome Ari! 
A fight with my husband was always a good excuse to drink heavily and do coke. Then those excuses extended beyond my relationship like work stress, family issues, depression, you name it. This forum has been a tremendous help but I needed that in person support to learn how to deal with life in a healthy manner. AA meetings and the 12 steps are what turned my life around.
Wishing you well on your journey.
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Welcome! This app is a good start. Here are some more resources for you.
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Totally agree in addiction i would instigate a fight with my wife normally on a friday so id have an excuse to go on a bender or play out something minor that happened at work till it was a big enough problem so it gave me an excuse to drink , addiction is a horrible manipulating monster that will do anything to get its Doc.
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My boyfriend left me for the week to have thanksgiving with his family. He didn’t want to take me bc last year and half I have been toxic in my behaviors and we just got back together and was doing good but the holiday and him leaving I lost the battle. I did something’s I’m not proud of while blacked out… and nobody even noticed I was blackout. Now I’m home crying bc of withdrawls and feeling sorry for myself.
I said some hateful stuff to my bf but he forgives me today but my abandonment issues are severe and I’m going thru a lot of changes. I’m terrified I’m anxious and I’m sad.
I need better friends that don’t encourage.
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Read what you said over again
Your boyfriend didn’t want to bring you to his family because of toxic behaviors, so your relationship is already hanging by a thread.
It sucks being alone on a holiday, I worked a ton of them just to avoid that feeling. So like most addicts I ran from my feelings,
Your abandonment issues is something else you may need to work on with counseling or therapy, once again it sucks, but it helps, I’m not sure of your ability to get therapy, but it might be worth a shot, it could help with your substance abuse issues as well, similarly visits to a medical professional may also help with making sure everything is in line while you get sober
If your being enabled or peer pressured by your group of friends fuck them they aren’t your friends
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This may be a really unpopular opinion but I’ve got a theory on this that has helped me no end.
We’re all very good at saying “I am responsible for my own happiness” but it takes practice to say “Other people are not responsible for my unhappiness”. I truly believe that taking responsibility for something even when its not your fault is vital to letting go and moving on. E.G. I’ve been manipulated by people before but it was my own fault because I let it happen. The fact that I let it happen and take responsibility for it gives it a foundation for it to be my error, not theirs and it’s easier for me to consider why I let that person get away with it and explore the reasons why it happened. Even if my intentions were good, it doesn’t necessarily mean they were right.
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