At 75 days today. In a few weeks I’m traveling to see family and have a few business contacts i agreed to meet with. They all want to meet for drinks and I’m not sure how to handle this. Been trying to arrange coffee plans but they are pretty insistent on going out since it’s a holiday week. It’s 22 days away and I’m starting to get anxiety about it. If I go to the bar, how do I avoid drinking? I am thinking about saying I’m on antibiotics and can’t drink…
How do you all handle networking without drinking?
I just say I don’t drink.
If it is people you’ve previously drank with then just say I don’t drink anymore. It usually doesn’t go Amy further than that. If people persist, then I just say I didn’t like they way my life was going when I drank.
I have been in many drinking situations since I got sober. It is usually more in our own heads than others when we try to figure out how to avoid all the questions that don’t usually materialize.
Early on, I just avoided any drinking situations all together. I wanted to make sure I was on solid ground.
It’s a good thing to plan. But if I start getting anxious about a future possibility, I can usually allay that by being mindful that it is not happening right now or today or tomorrow.
How long did you avoid these situations before you felt you were on solid ground? I’m on day 82 and still avoiding these places, but I’m missing the social interaction
Well, I used to.drink after work every day, at work. A bunch of the guys stayed around. That was hard to walk away from, but after 2 weeks it wasn’t too bad. Going out to a bar or to meet friends was at least 3-4 months.
I am lucky that im married with a couple of kids so I never went out much anyway. I just drank at work, and home, and on the way to and from both.
I listen and really engage a lot more now at social events. At first I did it just to have something to focus on, and right away found it way more interesting (and fulfilling!) than getting blotto.
Such a good point! If everyone else is drinking and loosening up a bit, it puts you in a really good position to spot opportunities. Being sober you will be much more attentive to them.
Honestly it is totally normal to be worried about the whole, how do I tell people I’m not drinking thing. The thing is, other people generally don’t care. It’s only those of us who have a problem with alcohol that think it’s a big deal, and it’s only a big deal to us because it’s our own problem. I just say oh I don’t drink, could I get a water instead (or whatever you want) if it’s a drinks being handed out on arrival situation. Or if it’s just ordering at the bar, just order your non-alcoholic beverage of choice, no explanation needed. If anyone asks (unlikely), saying I don’t drink tends to finish it. If anyone asks why (very unlikely, in fact I don’t think anyone has asked me that in a business context) I’d just say something like oh I just prefer it this way, and then get on to talking about something more interesting!
If you’re worried about whether or not you will end up drinking, then maybe think about whether you really need to go. You could ask to take a raincheck. Or you could go and leave early (got to get up early for…).
Or depending on how well you know them, you might feel comfortable sharing a bit more. Remember though it really is no one else’s business and you don’t owe anyone an explanation. If anyone does care (again, unlikely) that probably says more about their relationship with alcohol than anything else.
Hi this happens to me in my business. Here’s how I handle it but you have to decide and know if you can put sobriety first at all costs.
After assessing if I can avoid it (like coffee isn’t going to work) try to lead it towards a restaurant so at least you can “grab Dinner”. I don’t discuss my not drinking I just order a Diet Coke. I do that even in a bar and every one is drinking. If they ask I just say I’m good. . I don’t explain and say I don’t drink. I absolutely don’t want to pronounce anything because in my business I don’t want to call attention to it. I have gotten squirrelly once but never tempted- sure I wanted two fingers of scotch but there’s no way! I got thru it every time. And you’ll feel so strong after wards every time. I find that at least my people I’m around don’t notice mostly. The one guy who noticed and acted shocked I just blew him off- like whatever.
“Whaddaya drinking?”
“Coke”
“Rum and Coke? Jack and Coke?”
“Just Coke, thanks”
“You want just Coke, with nothing in it?”
“Well, if your gonna nag me about it, squeeze a lime in it, and make all fancy.”
“You aren’t drinking?”
“No, I am a non-drinker”
“Man, that sucks. Can’t drink?”
“Don’t drink. There is a difference.”
“Really?Like what?”
“Self-discipline. You should try it. Most liberating”.
My point is, if you are secure in your sobriety, you don’t have to avoid situations where alcohol is present. You can politely, yet firmly decline.
If you aren’t secure, and there’s a chance that others can pressure you to drink, then don’t go to a bar.
Eagles don’t flock. Crows and Seagulls do. Be an Eagle.
Hi, congratulations on your sobriety! Not long after I got sober my husband and I went to an all-inclusive resort and I broke down crying at first. I felt horrible cause I wanted to drink so bad yet didn’t want to at the same time. I was literally torn. I ended up ordering “virgin” drinks so I could at least feel a part of everyone without sacrificing my sobriety. I made sure they didn’t accidentally give me alcohol. In my case some people eventually asked why I wasn’t drinking and I just decided to be bold and tell them the truth which usually shocks people. I just blurted out:" I’m an alcoholic." One lady choked on her drink. Afterwards people didn’t bother me and most times when I’m honest about it people will actually be helpful and understanding. I’m not saying that you have to do the same but it’s an option. Virgin drinks are another option… Do what feels right for you. Hugs
