17 days today - pretty good run! Iām feeling OK, bit blue today, but solid in my belief that sobriety is the way forward.
ANYWAY, I have my first sober party this Saturday. I canāt get out of it - itās my fianceās aunts birthday and sheās hired a place in London and the whole family is going. Heās post cancer and weāve just got engaged, so everyoneās expecting us to be there.
So, without canceling, what are your top tips for surviving this evening sober?
We have to get the 12 midnight train home, which means we have to leave beforehand. His family are BIG drinkers. I feel like I CAN do this - but Iām pretty sure everyone is going to take me not drinking as āshes pregnantā
Ah the first party of sobriety. From my experience and anecdotes from many others whoāve been there before, donāt sweat it.
No one notices
No one cares
Should someone offer a drink, simply say No thanks, Iām good. Or ask for a soda water or other non-alcoholic drink.
If someone asks if youāre not drinking, and you arenāt comfortable with saying youāve quit, simply say Iām not drinking right now.
If Iām wrong, and there are others pressuring you, have an escape plan. Run to the restroom for a while, find a relative who wont pressure you and have a conversation for as long as you can, go for a walk outside or find a place to be alone a bit.
But no matter what, remember only you can make you drink, and itās ok not to drink. And finally, donāt worry about it, youāll be fine!
I was the ābest womanā in my BFFās wedding when I was around 60 days sober. It was hard. This is what helped me.
I let him know prior to the wedding weekend that I had stopped drinking.
My husband was with me, and he was a big cheerleader.
I made sure to have a glass of something in my hand at all times. Perrier, club soda, etc.
I had the numbers of several sober friends to call during the reception. When I failed to reach them, I reached out for help here on the forum. The lovely folks here talked me through.
I walked outside several times for a break. Took some time to refocus.
If you find yourself about to drink - pause for a moment. Play the tape through to the end. What is likely to happen if you take that first sip? Will you stop? Will you keep on drinking? Say and do things you regret? Take attention away from the wedding? Be sick and filled with regret the next morning? It just never works out well for folks like us.
At one point, someone put a glass of champagne in my hand and starts yelling, āToast time!ā I had a moment of panic. I just gave my toast, raised my glass, walked over and hugged my friend, and casually put the glass on a table behind him. No one even noticed.
Iām glad you have an exit strategy. Donāt hesitate to reach out for help during the event. Weddings are really tough in the very early days. Having said that, you can absolutely do this. Remember - in the words of my buddy @englishd - āWe donāt drink, no matter what.āļø
You have a migraine, on meds you canāt drink with, or order a virgin drink all night that has garnish and looks like the real thing. Tbh less people may care that youāre not drinking than you are anticipating.
Totally have a non-alc drink in hand at all times. Garnish the f*ck out of it with cherries and limes and punch. Everyone will think youāre drinking with them, just not acting a fool like alcohol will. Iāve struggled with this in my new sobriety but just the feeling of a glass in hand mentally makes me feel off edge, but Iām happy not leaving with stupor and eventual hangover. Big events like that, no one really cares what youāre drinking as long as you appear to be having fun.
Love this - so much helpful advice. Thank you for sharing!
I especially love āplay the tape through to the endā. I THINK Iām the life and soul of a party when Iām drunk, but Iām not. Iām loud, obnoxious, rude and sloppy. I ALWAYS end the night fighting with my other half (sometimes violently).
All you have to do is say ānoā to the only drink that mattersā¦the first drink. Just keep saying ānoā to the first, and there canāt be a second, or third, or fifth.
This is great advice - I imagine it gets a hell of a lot easier after that first drink. Iāll focus on getting over that āfuck it, Iāll just have oneā mentality (we all know what happens from there) and get over that first bit.
Itās where the battle is actually won or lost. Say ānoā to the first drink, and you win, 100%. Say yes, and itās generally downhill from there.
You will more than likely have a great time. But if you donāt, just leave! You donāt have to stay if you donāt want to. Being prepared to leave early was important to me when I did my first party sober. I didnāt have to but knowing that I could if I wanted to really helped.
In my experience @Dejavu is spot on. No one cares! If you are having fun and they are having fun, it is unlikely to come up. I guess the thing is, no one else cares about how much we drink as much as we do. I think thatās a feature of the alcoholic brain.
If it does come up, well drunk people are fairly easy to change the conversation on. Most people like talking about themselves after a few so a simple āno thanksā or āI just donāt feel like itā, followed by a question about them should be enough to keep things moving
You may also be surprised at the number of people there who drink less than you expect. I didnāt realise how much more than most people I was drinking until I stopped.
You will connect with people in a new way, you will remember all the conversations and you can still dance sober. Plus no fights, no wondering what stupid shit you said and no hangovers. Sounds exciting
I think it depends on where you are in your sobriety. Early on it was a concern for me, 1 due to temptation, and 2 due to feeling self conscious about not being like everyone else. I am now at a point where I actually sat with a friend at a bar, and ordered, a non alcoholic drink, and was able to just enjoy the moment. I also now have no trouble just saying " I donāt drink", with no need to explain further.
Earlier on, at events that I could not avoid, I would hold a cup so when pushy people offered a drink, I could say I had one. I would also use that cup to throw shots in that people would insist on me taking. People are too drink to notice what youāre doing unless you bring attention to it.
Thanks for all the fab tips - I probably will have a great time (just nerves getting the better of me.!).
Itās a good point about people drinking less then I expect. Youāre right. In my head, everyone will get trashed because thatās what Iād usually do, but itās a family event and Iām certain people wonāt be struggling around throwing up outsideā¦ Not I come to think of it! X
ļø
