I am just recently realising how much of an addict I am, to almost of everything a little bit. The biggest one being booze and speed, but I also partake in all casual party drugs over a weekend and sometimes in the week, and usually end up feeling terrible for it a few days after. I’m noticing these negative consequences and I don’t like them.
I dont like myself when I drink, because I cannot stop, and end up an overwhelmed emotional being of the id (simplistic human emotional state). This is becoming easier to avoid because I know where its going.
However, with all other intoxicants, I feel there is a fear of letting them go. My friends and neighbours all take drugs casually when we go out or are at home doing housework. I like the social aspect, I like the buzz, I’ve taken drugs since 12/13 and so they are like my life accomplices, that have always been by my side, holding my back.
How do I let them go? It’s like they are an abusive family member. I don’t want to say goodbye, but I don’t want these suicide Tuesdays anymore
Anyone got any advice please…
Hey, thank you for sharing where you’re at. I’m glad you found this place. From my experience, coming to the realization that these things (alcohol, coke, party drugs etc) offered me nothing real, nothing that added value to my life, nothing that brought up my vibration was the first step. Once I could recognize the REALITY of the drugs, which for me was that they were this escape with a dark heavy confusing pull to them and pull my head out of this romanticized idea of what I thought drugs were, I started recognizing that I was actually addicted to this stuff. One day I woke up with a brutal hangover and said “how much longer are you going to keep doing this to yourself???”
Then I found this amazing place.
I came on here and used the search bar to read through as many topics and posts as I could. I made a list of every reason I had to get sober. I made a detailed account of my last hangover…the physical stuff…the mental…and emotional. And I read these as often as I had cravings. I deleted every contact that I had who could get me drugs and and I stopped hanging out with a specific crowd of people. And day by day, the fog started to lift. Day by day I started to feel better and the grip of these habitual patterns lessened. Day by day I started acting and making choices that I could be proud of. That was about 19 months ago, and it was the best decision of my life.
You will find support, friendship, advice and knowledge here. You are taking the first step just by being here. Keep coming.
I had a friend who’s five years sober say that…they never knew, when they were on their day one of sobriety, where the path led, or how many amazing things he would do in his first five years sober (this was as he finished his FIRST FULL MARATHON!) all he could do in that moment was take the first step, by choosing not to drink or use that day. And that’s what you can do today.
Much Love
Ely
