After an extraordinarily frustrating day yesterday with a friend who also happens to work for me, it’s become clear that I need to fire him and remove him from my life entirely. Before my life spiraled out, he was trying hard to insert himself in it, and when it spitaled out, he was right there to pick up all the pieces and then some, and now that I’m sober and working on getting myself back to healthy, he’s become increasingly disrespectful both in front of me and behind my back. I feel like now that he knows I’m going to need him less, he’s melting down. I have always felt like he sort of weaseled his way in and I have always felt ashamed of how much I depended on him, and even think it was one factor of many that contributed to my drinking, but I’m more clear-headed now and feel like it’s just a co-dependent relationship that’s got me feeling more resentful than grateful, in spite of the amount of “help” he’s given me. So I had to send him home from work yesterday and I’m going to have to let him go today, professionally and personally. His presence has become too toxic for me in ways I don’t have time to describe here. But I still feel a little sad and scared. I know I can take care of myself on my own, and I just need room to breath and the space to do it again. This is going to be tough so keep me in your thoughts today, and hopefully, over the next few weeks as my life begins a new normal.
Sounds like you’re having a lot of clarity right now, I wish you strength during your difficult time, keep us updated on how you are doing
My feelings exactly.
Alright, it’s done. I never seem to lose the nerve to have the difficult conversations but I always feel like crap afterwards. On with the rest of my day. 
Well done for staying strong.
I have a really close friend. We met in 2002, working for the same company. Our friendship continued after the company we worked for went bankrupt. He and I both served in the Marines (although we didn’t know each other then), so there’s an additional bond. We hike and do “guy stuff” together. We’re tight.
He started his own company after our time working together. It’s grown steadily since. In 2008, we were on a hike, talking about work and he started talking about his need for someone like me to help him increase his sales. I stopped and asked him “Are you offering me a job?” He said “Yeah, I am. What do you think?” I said, "I think you are one of my best friends, and I value our friendship. If I were to come work for you, you would be my boss. You can be my boss, or you can be my friend. I’d rather keep you as a friend.
Then I proceeded to tell him about my MiL, and why he should consider hiring her, if he needed a killer sales person. He ended up hiring her, and she has been his #1 sales person for 10 years. He always thanks me for turning him down.
I had a gut feeling after I hired him that I’d regret it but I was in a pinch. I can’t say his work was bad, but the stress it created for me was too much over the long-term and his need to be with me all the time was stifling. I can’t hang out with someone at night/on weekends who I work with 40 hrs per week. Not even an SO gets the much time with me. Adding the additional disrespect and insubordination, it had to be done. I’m not sure I valued his friendship as what a normal friend is/was. He was better at helping me avoid my problems than he was at just being a friend who was there for me without any alterior motives (intentional or unintentional). It’s been a few weeks now and without him around I feel more in control of my life, more stable and less helpless. Go figure.
Familiarity breeds contempt in senior/subordinate relationships. I learned this early in my military career.
Sounds to me like he was really codependent. Almost like his self worth relies on helping others and now that you’re better he can’t handle it. Feeling like he doesn’t matter and lashing out. Either way those aren’t your emotions or problems to fix, you’re making the right decision. Letting go is so tough though I’m dealing with letting go of a toxic friendship myself and it’s tough even though it’s better for me.
That is EXACTLY how it felt/looked to me.
It sure does!!