So I came clean to my partner that I’ve been doing more than what I said I was doing. He knows that I was doing coke but I said I was cutting down cause I didn’t want him to feel disappointed. He’s always been supportive and understood why I do it. But why do I feel like I keep letting everyone down? Why can’t I be honest? Or is it because it feels like I’m lying to myself?
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I think that when we tell lies or withhold truth it kind of masks the problem and allows it some invisibility. This might play into lying to yourself. There’s a lot of fear about telling the truth as well because you can’t put the toothpaste back in the tube, you gotta do something with it. Until you come clean, there’s a wall to pretend and carry on behind. You feel you are letting people down, because deep inside you are not doing what you really want to do: stop. But it’s hard to admit that. Guilt is complex.
I used to lie a lot, it was protecting my sins and behaviour. I try not to lie at all anymore, ever. I found it too tiring and the truth is easier to remember and be consistent with.
Be honest, stay upfront, face the truth. Be clear on what YOU want.
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It just stupid because I have no need to lie to him and that’s what makes it more frustrating
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