When drinking or trying to initiate family events to incorporate drinking I was always trying to have fun and ended up being the life of the party. Without alcohol I just kinda blend in and I’m noticing I was very attached to the attention. It’s odd but kinda nice… it feels like a healthy boundary. And I notice that I’m a a much better listener and don’t just blab to people which I sometimes sensed was annoying. My relationships are already improving. This is just one thing I’ve noticed lately. What are somethings you’ve noticed on your recovery journey?
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I was a life and soul of the party type drunk too and I also really like being a better listener and generally less obnoxious to the people around me.
Something I’ve been thinking about recently is how when I drank I had this perception that I was more carefree… Which is true to a point, alcohol lowering inhibitions etc. But I didn’t always have fun. I argued, I cried, I made scenes. So I obviously wasn’t all that carefree!
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I notice a very similar change in myself too. Particularly sexually. I have found myself a few times thinking that I have “lost it” “gotten old” “became unattractive”
But really…When I was single I was a toss on a dress and boots, head out to the bar, I could have great conversation with anyone and would essentially take myself out for the night kinda gal. I also had a wild signal that seemed to let guys know I was ready to party and a fun time.
Now that I’m sober…that has all vanished. Because of the pandemic as well I haven’t been out to a restaurant, but even in the summer months at my favorite old spots I wasn’t throwing out “vibes” as a result I get much less attention.
What I DO get though?
-A new husband (who is an amazing soul…and was essentially my “dream” guy as I was wading through all the douches I met at bars)
-being able to listen others in social situations rather than being concerned with keeping the party/my high going.
-the recognition that I don’t really like parties! And much prefer quality time spent with those I love.
-the recognition that my worth extends beyond my ability to attract sex.
-freedom from the cycle of drink, attract, have sex with, hangover, shame, dissolution of contact with person, feelings of unworthiness.
-the ability to loveysef for who I am, not- if I’m good enough to get “picked”.
-the realization that due to my childhood and my tendencies toward anxiety, my nervous system actually prefers downtime on the weekend. That things like cooking heathy food, hiking with my dogs and doing restorative yoga or hanging on my inversion table and truly RELAXING are better ways for me to cut loose at the end of the day.
Sorry to ramble, but this brought up so much in me when I thought about it!! Thanks for making me think. Glad to be here sober with you 
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Honestly when i was drinking at social events i used to think i was the life of the party, but in reality I was the joke of the party with nothing of substance to say or add.
Now i’m sober people genuinely take me seriously as a person and i get way more respect.Being the life of the party is less of a good thing the older you get i’ve found.
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Actually this is a topic that scares me, I have a couple of events next week and with only 10 days sober it’s a bit frightening, I was perceived as the party girl - of course I am the facing consequences of long term alcohol abuse- and I still do believe maybe I will be absolutely no fun at all aftermu decision, I guess this could be a total normal thought of having to go out again so soon.
My wish will be to skip the two events, but it’s work, and hopefully last ones until end of June.
As you may get from this paragraph I am dreading getting into any situation that could jeopardize this sober time, anxiety is starting to grow on me and can’t seem to take it off.
Actually this is the story of me, it began a long time ago with weekend parties and ended with a bottle of wine as an everyday fix.
The cycle needs to end.
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If it is something you can’t cancel reach out here beforehand. I was nervous to head out the door with some old drinking buddies so I posted on here for support before I went out. Guess what, I got tons of honest support, stayed happily sober, had a good time and reported back at the end of the night. Maybe it was the idea that I had these wonderful sober folks protecting my sobriety from afar but using my resources really worked. I hope the same for you.
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