I’ve had a bunch of milestones come up recently and instead of feeling proud and excited I’m feeling defeated and downright depressed.
My kids and I finally got our own place. But if I’m being honest, a lot of things aren’t meeting the “standards” I’ve had in the past…
Not only that but it’s been so long since I’ve had my own place and bills, I’m really stressing about the future and everything that’s happening.
I just want to be happy and feel like a family with my kids.
I’ve been known to be rude and or sarcastic about ALOT if things, it’s really hard for me to manage my emotions… I usually end up crying outta control and look like a fool, or say some really shitty things and sound like a jerk.
I’m trying my best to stay away from certain comments, and just not respond when it’s unnecessary.
Cassie - be gentle with yourself. You are just about around the 60 day mark and that is awesome. I know it may not feel that way and the other milestones like getting your own place finally doesn’t hit home just yet cause 2 months is still early and we are really working through a lot of shit still.
The first leg of the journey you are just learning how to live without your DOC. Then you try and figure out how to feel all your feelings without giving into the DOC - Live life on Life’s Terms! I’m on 8+ months and still figuring some shit out – no set timeline - just go easy on yourself and acknowledge your achievements.
It is important to celebrate each milestone as you are one day farther from your DOC and you are making the honest efforts for a better living.
The home may not be what you are used to in the past but it is yours and you can make it into your own space. I know the bills and adulting can be daunting. Just take it one day at a time. Anything is possible when we are living with clear heads. Try to live in the now - no one knows what the future holds and we can drive ourselves crazy trying to speculate.
I do hope that ranting and letting it out here helped. I do know that i was a mess emotionally at the beginning of my sobriety - i had 0 patience and my nerves were shot. I could not say the right thing even if I tried. Meditation practices and deep breathing really did help.
We are all in this together - hoping you have a wonderful day.
Are you really stressing about “everything” or several specific things?
What exactly are you feeling defeated about?
Have you always not stressed about the future? Whats changed to make you stress about the future now?
What does being happy with your kids actually mean for you? Is there some elements where you are already happy with your kids?
Hope these questions help. Sometimes we generalise our negative feelings when actually its only a few specific things that are making us feel like EVERYTHING is bad.
You are not alone there. I find emotion regulation really tough too. For me it is caused significantly by my ADHD (emotions are intense and often burst out / up / down for people with ADHD).
I find nature is helpful: park, sunshine, water, whatever natural features are nearby.
It’s hard though, I know. Don’t give up and remember, a sober day is already waaaaaay more stable than any day you had using. It doesn’t feel that way sometimes but I promise it is.
