Life transitions, the elderly version

Exciting and nerve wracking at the same time. Sending positive vibes it all goes well and you/they find a solution.

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Thanks Lisa. I am grateful I won’t be going through this with a hangover or feeling like shit. Nervous, definitely!

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Sending care :yellow_heart::yellow_heart::yellow_heart:

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Sending love and patience your way

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Natural for you to be nervous and anxious. Looking forward to seeing them and showing them around sounds great. Enjoy this time with them. Thinking about you and sending you all good thoughts.

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Thinking of you :cherry_blossom: and hoping the visit is going well.

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Update time! Aka brain dump coming!

My parents had a good visit, liked the apartment and signed the lease! We had lunch there during their tour and they will be eating well, nothing fancy, but perfect foods for what they like (classic ‘American’ sandwiches for Dad, salads for Mom) for lunch and a light breakfast + daily ‘signature sandwich’ in afternoons. Lunch includes a dessert + soup or salad, perfect. And they have a full kitchen in their apartment so my Mom can still cook if she wants…plus dinners with us sometimes. :slightly_smiling_face:

Have been busy helping them pick out some furniture to take, ordering smaller pieces they will need and assembling furniture, hanging curtain rods, shower curtains, all that fun stuff.

My parents have their northern seasonal place on the market and are working on what to take from there. They are also getting lots of visits in with children, grands and great grands who are up north + friends who are still alive (not many).

They insist on driving their car down alongside my brother and his wife who will be driving a small UHaul down. The car is going to their grandchild. Know your battles. My SIL cannot drive long distances, she falls asleep at the wheel, so hopefully they break it all up. I am leaving all the northern stuff to my older brother(s), tho really just the one, the other is a head in sand kind of guy regarding all this. It is what it is.

It has been busy for sure, but they seem excited for the lessening of stuff (which is new and I am grateful for!) and especially the lessening of responsibility (which is shifting to me? Hey, wait a minute! :rofl:). It is a lot to keep in your brain tho, so I am glad they are list makers like me (guess we know where that came from). :slightly_smiling_face: Getting it out of the brain and onto paper can help ease things. The facility they are moving to has incredibly kind, caring and friendly staff, I am quite grateful for that. They have helped keep the pressure off, which is so appreciated.

The timeline is long…they won’t be down from up north til mid September, then they will still have their manufactured home in FL to sell and gather some stuff from and we will have our Uhaul drive. So that is more our end of stuff + getting ready what we can now.

My goal is not to burn myself out and help my parents not burn out. Fingers :crossed_fingers:!

I feel positive about this, know it will be a bit of a slog from now til settled, but am hopeful we all can muddle thru and their health continues to be good. Trying to keep it as uncomplicated as possible. It will be a comfort having them nearby and hopefully we will have some good time together vs just phone calls once they are settled. Taking it day by day and getting done what we can. What else is there? :heart: I know it will be a relief for all the family once they are settled into the apartment.

Thanks for reading this far if you did. And definitely okay if you didn’t. :slightly_smiling_face:

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Great news Sassy! So happy to hear they liked the apartment, the staff is friendly, they’re ready to downsize and they made the decision to be near you. You’ve got a lot ahead of you, glad you’re the list type of person. Mid Sept sounds far off but it will be here before you know it and it gives you time to check off some items on that list. Then getting them all settled in will take time.

What a huge undertaking on your part. Be kind to yourself over the next few months. Self care must remain at the top of every list you make. Remember… there is a light at the end of this tunnel. It may seem dim at the moment but it will get brighter. Sending positive vibes and lots of love. :heart:

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Thanks Lisa!! Exciting and already tired! I am going to keep your advise on my list!! :slightly_smiling_face:

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I wasn’t sure where else to drop this, so I am doing so here…I love Sharon Salzberg, she helps me stay in the now and be with what is.

From Sharon Salzberg…

“It’s that ability to see the yin and yang in any moment that reveals our sense of wholeness. Instead of fixating on avoiding the pain, or being too guilty to take in the joy, we can open our minds and hearts and be in touch with it all. Being that connected to ourselves allows us to feel connected to one another. It returns us to what is intact within us, the capacity for love that we can rely on when so much is disrupted. Amid the chaos of our days, without at all denying the suffering, we can also look for the compassion that does exist in this world. We can look to the people who help and be inspired by their actions. Then, holding that inspiration along- side the honest recognition of suffering, we have the strength and the energy to once more, if only for today, get out of bed, to once more, if only for today, continue to try, and once more, if only for today, leave room for the possibility of interest, connection, resilience, and love in our lives.”

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:rainbow: I have joy in my heart for you and your parents as it seems you are sharing a blessing because of and through one another. I am really happy for you Sassy. You have worked hard to get here and I just really acknowledge All that I believe has gone into this.

Please keep on keeping us updated and know we are here.

As @Lisa07 so poignantly said … Self care must remain at the top of every list you make. For it is YOU that got you (and now them) here. :sunny::slightly_smiling_face::pray:

ps. The Sharon Salzberg writing is wonderful. I actually thought you had written it as it sounds like you. :cherry_blossom:

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Thank you for your kind words! I am a huge Sharon Salzberg fan. She talks me down and reminds me of what matters (this moment, now) regularly.

It is a challenge with my parents for sure. My Mom especially is feeling very stressed and overwhelmed, and is resistant to the suggestions that may help lessen her load. She needs that self care as well.

We are all doing our best. Thank you for writing, it means a lot. :people_hugging::blush::heart: Today is a beautiful cool morning and I am grateful for that.

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:people_hugging: I didn’t mean to suggest the blessing was easy. I know from experience that it is a mixed bag and actually harder than ever thought …. That is why the self first is critical!!! It is easy to get wrapped up in fixing and doing and now having to parent the parent … which by the way never works out. They (and you) get frustrated. At least that’s my experience. And the roles are still what they are which makes it twice as hard.

All you can do (and have done) … is create a space. Then, you provide care but from a different place … not as child or parent … but as a person who cares. You’ll find the balance :yellow_heart:. Just keep you and your health and basic routine intact.

It took me a good year and 1/2 to learn but now at year 2 I better understand. And you will too.

Sending a hug and know I’m here to talk vent share or celebrate. :yellow_heart::pray::rainbow:

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This is so true! We were all in that space recently.

I appreciate your wisdom and experience so much. :people_hugging: I can feel there is a different space for me/us and your words just helped make that feeling make sense!!! So thank you!!

:heart:

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