Just getting it out…been packing since Sunday. I cannot even describe the chaos we arrived to…my parents (Dad) had moved half of the junk from the storage shed out to tables and lawn for a yard sale. Then they had started emptying drawers and closests and putting piles of stuff on every floor furniture or counter surface. Obviously our decision to give them a couple of days on their own b4 we arrived was the wrong one. Anyway…the last 2 days we were able to get everything packed up and ready to load up later today.
It has not been very enjoyable for any of us and that makes me feel bad. The stress is getting the better of me for sure. I am pretty peeved at my 3 brothers right now having all this on my shoulders. I imagine my parents are regretting their decision to move near me right now! I just hope we all survive the next month so we can enjoy the fruits of all this emotional and physical labor. The stress isn’t good for any of us and especially not my parents. I am grateful to still have them in my life and hope today brings us some calmer moments. We all had a nice respite yesterday to chat with a neighbor we love and that was a highlight. We are staying beachside and sunrises have been glorious + dolphins!! . And seeing the big beautiful moon each night. Grateful I am not hungover for any of this. This shit is stressful. Not a fan of chaos anymore. Nor of obligation. We persist. Thanks for listening.
Sending you a warm hug. You are doing an amazing job Sassy. One day at a time. You will get there and through this. God and we all are on your side. Please keep letting us know.
Oh boy, you are in the thick of it now. That light at the end of the tunnel sure is dim now, hopefully it will get brighter with each passing day. Sending lots of positive energy your way!
First, you are doing amazing. I know we go back in our minds and wish we could redo some things, retract some comments, etc - but please go easy on yourself. And the compromised lifestyle/self care is a product of the situation, not of poor or inadequate choices on your part! Ok, maybe you know all of these things and I am saying them to myself? Still, can’t hurt to say it again!
When Mom was moved, quickly, after Dad died - I tried to argue for more time to take a methodical approach. Didn’t get it. (But that’s a whole other story.) When I was in town that summer, and I spent a lot of time there, she and I would go to the house and would try to tackle one thing, say vases. There were TONS. Which two to take? Any to gift to relatives? Good with donating the rest?
The thing was, she had already moved, rather chaotically/haphazardly (sister and brother-in-law) and the contents of the house were in a lot of the “drawers-emptied-in-a-pile” state you describe.
Not only was it overwhelming for me, I could see how her own capacity had diminished (understandably) as it was totally overwhelming for her. For entirely other reasons it was overwhelming for my sister (who handles things differently).
I guess I’m just sharing all of this because I don’t think these events in life come around so often that we get to practice and finesse how we do them. We just do them. The best we can. And learn a lot about life and ourselves if we want to. I think you’re doing all of that.
Sending you an extra UHaul of compassion, hugs, some extra butterflies and dragonflies in the garden, milder temps to enjoy the enchanted outdoors, and the knowledge that you are doing enough, and doing more than good enough.
Thank you for describing this succinctly - I lost one of my parents recently (first parent to go) and I worry a lot about whether I did things right when they were in front of us. It helps to know that others have found this overwhelming too and more importantly, why.
Oh, it’s totally overwhelming! I’m so sorry about your loss.
It’s such a complicated thing, losing a parent, hey? It’s something we all go through, but I was struck by how different this can be for us all, for so many reasons. And how I had to, well, parent myself through it. Still am. (And a lot more easily having set down the corkscrew, sigh…)
I hope that time has brought some ease and peace around your loss and all the associated changes.
I’m seeing this after you wrote it two days ago. Are y’all out on the road now in the U-Haul?
Big hugs. @SassyRocks You’ve done a wonderful job, chaos, stuff everywhere and all, that is always very stressful. Congratulations for getting through it as you have.
Also for you @M-be-free49 and @Dirk
and everyone else.
@dirk, I am sorry for your loss. I am blessed to have my parents today, but I know very much so that each day is a gift. I hope you are doing okay. And yes, so grateful to be sober thru this. I cannot imagine how awful I would have been.
@M-be-free49 and @Alisa …thank you my friends. I was literally just writing up a FB update for friends and family saying how much this beautiful peaceful cool mountain air morning is refreshing me this AM after Florida summer heat and humidity (not ideal moving weather). Em, your reply teared me up. The things my Dad packed, it was unfathomable to me, but I let him do his thing (mostly)…I am their daughter after all and have the same stubbornness. My Mom just kind of let us do the packing with some input, which I appreciated. It was hard to leave them yesterday. I worry one will go soon …my husband’s Mom never spent a night in her new place before she died… and that keeps popping up for me (I think I shared that already). So I try to savor the chaos (did not succeed much there). It is 3 weeks b4 Mom and Dad make the final move here and I am hopeful they make it and we have some time. The stress is not healthy for any of us, especially them.
Alisa, we drove up yesterday and head over shortly to start unloading, unpacking and organizing and setting up. Still some more hurdles.
I am so grateful to be home. Thankful I can do this for my parents, and that I didn’t strangle either of them or yell at them…tho I was definitely snippy and exasperated…as were they…at times. Humans having human reactions.
And I needed to hear this, because my brain is not functioning on full right now with all the stuff in it. So thank you!!
We muddle thru. Am grateful to have y’all and TS to process this with.
Update…my parent’s are here in their new independent living apartment. They are a bit shell shocked, a bit bewildered (My dad was saying, how did we get here? what are we doing here? Not in a he really didn’t know…but in a ‘this is surreal’ sense)…they are already complaining about the food (which if they weren’t complaining about something I would be astonished). We had one major mishap of leaving behind some memorabilia…totally my fault which induces guilt, such is life…hopefully all moving forward from that at some point. The usual triggered family interactions with my oldest brother and my SIL (long long story I won’t bore you with)…they are back up north now. So…Mom and Dad are settling in …Dad has already met up with the tennis group I located for him and played…Mom is out walking. They are registered to vote here. I have been bringing them to some of the many events around here introducing them around. Apartment is all put together and looking good. Now we get to find our new normal back near eachother again. And also come up for air and breathe as we move into late summer in the mountains.
That was one stressful summer. I am grateful they are healthy and here. Grateful my brothers are not here. Thankful for my husband’s love, support and assistance.
I have signed back up for premium on Insight Timer app and look forward to lots of meditations, classes and yin. My is to chill TF out some after all that. Managed to exacerbate my inflammation and having some bursa issues on my heel…but think this may be on the mend. No surprise on having physical symptoms to all the stress.
I am so very grateful to live in a small community that is embracing having my parents here and makes it so easy to find their tribe and flow. Grateful for all y’all always being a click away. And for Dazercat and Stella to remind me daily of gratitude. To Em, Laraellelarissa, Alissa, Lisa, ThirdMonkey and so many others for helping remind me to be here, now. Generally grateful for TS and all of you for letting me share this space and reminding me of past chapters in my life and how we grow, change, evolve, mature if we live long enough. Grateful for new people who remind me of the struggle and strength and to never ever give up on myself. Grateful to and for my parents who shaped me into Sassy and supported when I needed it most as a teenage mom. Glad I can give back.
This summer, this year, last year, the covid years…man, we have been thru it. And here we are today, together still. Doing what we do. Blessed we are. Here now. Love this TS family.
What a wonderful update Sassy thank you for sharing this journey with us and thank you for showing us how it’s done. Your parents are very blessed to have you. .
Thank you, it helped so much hearing others experiences and getting suggestions and encouragement…like early sobriety. I know there is lots more ahead, just grateful the physical move is behind us now.
I was thinking about you and your folks earlier this week, and was hesitant about asking for an update, knowing you had so much on your plate. So glad to hear the move is done! It feels like yesterday that you were all starting the research on a location. Time flies (but not while you’re in the thick of it). Now you can take a deep breath while everyone settles into their new normal.
Meditation is my number one go to these days. I don’t know how I survived for years without it but in reality, drugs and alcohol took its place.
It still amazes me the coping mechanisms we had in place that were killing us in so many ways. Not that my shit is all figured out, haha, far from it. And that is okay.
Agreed Lisa, the ability to clear out / slow down my mind is a gift of sobriety. I just kept reminding myself how horrific this whole thing would have been if I was drinking and interacting with my siblings and SIL.
Hello from here too, Sassy, we did get the “memo” that you and your parents were okay.
Just know that you have been thought about every single day. I’m so sorry that this has happened in your community. Big hugs and lots of support has been being sent.
Again, big hugs, lots of love and a tremendous amount of caring thoughts.
Just when you thought things might be evening out, I guess every thing just went awful. I’m so sorry.
For some reason, it’s not saving my edit about you being a moderator and still able to get to the lounge. I see this post is not even in the lounge.
It is hard to find words for all that’s going on here in such a widespread area of so many tiny mountain communities + the larger Asheville area. We are okay and so many aren’t. A lot to do here for a very long time. As I have found with hurricanes in the past and their devastation…in their wake, communities come together stronger from the shared trauma and helping rebuild. Much like all of us here at TS and our community.
On the personal side…we have power and now internet and wifi calling…thanks to the incredible service of a small satellite internet company (SkyRunner) based in Asheville. Truly amazing what they have been doing amid the destruction of their city and their own personal hardships. Information is an important commodity when all power is out and they have helped us be able to share that.
My Mom had a bad fall due to a friendly stray dog and spent two nights at a hospital nearby (she was lucky to get a room, they are full up as you can imagine). The staff there were very caring and diligent, even as many of them were still without power. We brought Mom home yesterday and are hopeful she is on the road to recovery…but no more falls cracking her head, please. My daughter is still without power, but our grandson may be starting back at school this week, so they will return to the area and stay with us til their power comes on. My Dad’s mental health and attitude have been abysmal and I have definitely lost patience with him thru this. I know it is not what any of us envisioned when we decided on this move for them, but here we are. We were simply inconvenienced for awhile compared to what others are going through.
My mental health has been challenged for sure. And I am reminded often that I live a blessed life that includes mental health challenges. And that the universe does what it wants with us all…that epic energy is out of my control. We are all just people doing our best and hopefully helping and not hurting others.
I appreciate all the care and concern and hope everyone here is doing okay or even better…thriving and loving life and sobriety. My sobriety helps me cope, as did all I have learned here from all y’all. Tho it has been really hard at times + breakdowns + sleepless nights. Please keep all those suffering in our world, not least all our TS members in your hearts. We are all here together.
. And seeing the big beautiful moon each night. Grateful I am not hungover for any of this. This shit is stressful. Not a fan of chaos anymore. Nor of obligation. We persist. 
Thanks for listening.
Sending you a warm hug. You are doing an amazing job Sassy. 
My Mom just kind of let us do the packing with some input, which I appreciated. It was hard to leave them yesterday. I worry one will go soon …my husband’s Mom never spent a night in her new place before she died… and that keeps popping up for me (I think I shared that already). So I try to savor the chaos (did not succeed much there). It is 3 weeks b4 Mom and Dad make the final move here and I am hopeful they make it and we have some time. The stress is not healthy for any of us, especially them.
. 
